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When did you know to leave

5 replies

bannaba · 17/12/2023 19:55

I know the answer but just needed to vent as don't have anyone in RL I can talk to. "DP" is a selfish alcoholic. His priorities only seem to be going out every weekend, until early hours although he didn't come back home last night. I'm 7 months pregnant with our first baby, in temp rental accommodation but he is buying a house which he has said whatever happens me and baby are welcome to stay. I have completed housing association application but can take up to 5 months for this to be processed so feel a bit trapped. He can be nasty once he's been drinking and then the hangover lasts at least until mid week so whilst he's "recovering" from the weekend his temper varies. He says he loves me, will shower me with affection maybe one day a week where everything seems great but then he says we can't be together as it's my fault: I didn't treat him well when I first met him and we were both single as I didn't know what I wanted (had come out of an abusive LTR) and my fault completely, liked being single and finally being free. He apparently "knew straight away" I was the one and makes me feel guilty I didn't feel like that. I don't really know what I'm asking for, advice, reassurance or just kind words. The baby is not at all a mistake and I cannot wait for them to arrive, I just feel ashamed bringing them into the world in this messy situation.

OP posts:
bannaba · 17/12/2023 20:35

Anyone?

OP posts:
SilentRetreat · 17/12/2023 20:45

I had an overwhelming urge to leave when 8 months pregnant with our first child. I fought it and stayed.

I wish I'd listened to my instincts.

It took me 20 years.

bannaba · 17/12/2023 21:19

SilentRetreat · 17/12/2023 20:45

I had an overwhelming urge to leave when 8 months pregnant with our first child. I fought it and stayed.

I wish I'd listened to my instincts.

It took me 20 years.

I understand what you mean. I always said this time round I'd be stronger and listen to my gut.

When it's good it's great but when it's bad it's something else. The constant put downs, sarcastic comments and the tears. But then the next day showered with affection. It baffles my brain and emotions.

OP posts:
TheSilentSister · 19/12/2023 00:30

I assume you can stay in temp accommodation until something more appropriate is sorted? I think that's far more preferable to staying with someone who's mood is so affected by alcohol. If you move in with him, it will be so hard to move out afterwards. It's unlikely he will change and you'll have a new baby to cope with too. Better to face facts now than further down the line. I wish you all the best with your new baby.

thisisasurvivor · 19/12/2023 00:36

I left with a baby and a small ruck sack

The day he tried to kill us both

Poor you

Do not put up with this

I gave him all the chances during pregnancy
Attacked
Escaped
Went back

At 7 weeks gestation I should have ran and never returned

Poor you he be sounds vile

Value yourself more please

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