mil another rant

[jess23]

ok so she has always been very loud and in your face the i know best type of woman but i didnt realise just how much til i had my ds 3 months ago, she too is jealous of the realationship i have with my mum and doesnt like it that my mum gets to see ds more than her. ds has started going to her house 1 day a week so i can get stuff done but i dread taking him there so much id rather not bother. week before last she d decided to give ds extra gripe water which meant i couldnt give him a dose with his feed as can only give 6 x day so when i took him ahain only took enough for 2 feeds said there s his gripe water she said oh ive bought bottle to keep here i said well please dont give him any more but i dont trust her. she thinks that ds is only dp s baby not mine dp was weaned at 3 months so she thinks ds should be. id said ds had had a bad day tired and crying she said i bet he s teething! i said hes 11 weeks old she said well dp was teething at 3 months feel like saying well he s my baby aswell and i wasn't. then she tells everyone ds is badly behaved for me but is as good as gold for his nana. to top it all off she then said that the week before when id dropped him off he d pooed in his nappy then said in a stupid baby voice talking thru ds that she and ds wondered if mummy knew it was there butthought she d leave it for nana! dp says to ignore her but i cant she is so patronizing and to say id knowingly leave ds in a dirty nappy is beyond belief. its causing a lot of rows between me and dp he doesnt see there s a problem what do i do? when i go back to work she is gonna have ds for 2 days a week but if it carries on like this id rather pay for him to go to nursery. any advice?

Pay for nursery. Better for ds, better for you. If you're having this many gripes (sorry couldnt resist!!) already, it'll only get worse. Plus if she's looking after him for free while you earn, there'll be a whole load of issues about feeling beholden to her. It's causing problems with your partner already. Bail out now. Save grandparents for visits/days out where there's no guilt attached - don't use them for caring for your child as a regular thing.

Poor you. Sounds like your MIL has no respect for you or your parenting style, and thinks she always knows best. I would definitely consider using a nursery or childminder when you go back to work, else this problem will just get worse and worse

Do you have to leave him there at all at the moment? Might be easier if he wasn't left there with her, you could arrange to see her with your DH and DS together at weekends so she doesn't miss out.

Why leave him with her then? SOrry but you cant accept free babysitting on teh one hand and then moan aboutit on the other. CHildcare and family members can be very difficult.

Try to relax. She sounds like she's not very tactful and it's likely that it's winding you up more now that your baby is here. Some people love to try and tell their children how to parent and don't realise how annoying and upsetting it can be. Hopefully it is just her clumsy attempts at trying to help, she probably thinks you need all this 'advice'.

Try not to argue with your DP about it as he will have some loyalty and emotional attachment to his side of the family and it will be tearing him apart. I would bet that all he wants is for you all to get on and provide a good family for your child. Your DS is now a part of that extended family and will benefit from having both sets of grandparents around as he grows up, and they (both sides) will be able to provide support for you as he gets older and perhaps when you have more children.

It's a big change for everyone and sometimes you will have to spend time with the inilaws for the sake of your children who will love their grandparents.

Can you maybe be frank but polite with your mother in law with regards to the way you want to raise your children?

you cannot leave your baby with someone you don't trust.

She has a right to be grandma and see her grandson regularly. She does not have the right to be his carer for two days a week.

Do you think she may start to wean your DS behind your back?

she could be right about the teething though. It's not uncommon for it to start at about 3 months.

if it helps, I had similair, though not so serious issues, with my MIL during the first few months of DD's life because I was still very post-birth emotional and she was being overbearing and self-absorbed, caught up in the joy of her first grandchild. It has got much better but largely because I refused to put up with it. I was downright rude if I had to be. Or laughed at some of her more ridiculous advice. She was riding roughshod over my feelings so I wasn't precious about hers. You will also feel much less raw about these things in a few months honestly.

It is much much better now although she still irritates me sometimes (and vice versa I'm sure) and is even looking after DD one day a week while I go to work. She does know though that I would have no hesitation in putting DD in nursery if I lost trust in her.

God, I went on a bit there didn't I?

sorry, but it sounds like you just dont like her rather than anything else. she is right that he could be teething, if you are a first time mum she might assume you dont know it could be teeth. i think you are being a bit precious about being 'accused' of leaving him in a dirty nappy, if your mum said it i bet you wouldnt have batted an eyelid! if she says he plays up for you just say no he doesnt. you are now going to come back and say she has done so much more, thats what always happens on here

i would not leave my baby with her at all if it annoys you that much, my kids see their grandparents but they are not unpaid childminders and there is no reason they have to be if anyone is unhappy with the situation. if you choose to leave him there then im afraid you have to accept that she might give him extra gripe water if she thinks he needs it, whoever is looking after the baby often has to make decisions based on how they are behaving at the time, if he needs it at 2pm you cant tell him he cant have it til 6, thats not fair on him.

The relationship with inlaws is a tricky one. Why should your mum see so much more of your son if he is partly your husband's genes. He is a s much a part of your In-laws family as he is yours.

I know it's hard to feel comfortable and relaxed around in-laws, specially for women with mother in laws, but it can be achieved. By spending more time with her bot you and your son will get to know her so much better.

Try not looking at her as a big bad mother in law. Look at her as your DPs loving mother and your Ds's loving Grandmother. Try to see her more in the light that you see your own mother. They both only want the best for you.

you see i dont ask her to have him at all i dont know how its even got to her having him one afternoon a week , i didnt take him one week as i took him to a baby music class and she went mad she said well i dont see why you have to take him but i suppose its up to you you are his mum and she made it clear she wasnt happy. honestly the free babysitting as someone said isnt worth it as im so wound up after dropping him off. your right though id rather pay for a nursery when i go back to work or it will get worse. thanks for all your advice its good to hear from different perspectives.