Hello, just looking for some nonjudgmental supportive help with my situation.
last weekend my husband starting crying whilst watching the television, said he didn’t feel fulfilled with his life. It panicked me and I was really upset, so the next day (Monday which was also our 2 year wedding anniversary, been together for 11 years since I was 17) I left work early as I was so upset thinking he didn’t want to be with me. I told him and he reassured me that wasn’t the case and that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of our lives together. He didn’t leave work early himself and then proceeded to go to football after work, which I think was insensitive given how upset I was and that it was our anniversary.
fast forward to Friday night and I pick him up from his works Christmas party at midnight, he gets in the car and says he’s kissed his work colleague. I said get out the car and left him there. He was crying and apologising. I have him on find my friends and saw he got in a taxi and was on his was home, then midway the taxi turned around and went to the hotel the woman he works with was staying at. He claims nothing happened he just needed somewhere to stay as he couldn’t focus and was in a state, I believe him as he has been overly honest about everything else so surely there’s no reason to lie?
he said he thinks he has feelings this woman and that they had been speaking at work and had development emotional feelings for one another and talked about what life would be like if they both were not in a relationship. He said on Monday (our anniversary) he tried to squash it, but clearly not as he then kissed her at the party.
he has a history of mental health which is due to his line of work, and this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. He cheated on me when I was 19, and thought he had feelings for another woman at work a few years ago.
I told him the relationship is over but it’s so hard. To be honest he just keeps saying he doesn’t know what he wants and he’s a dark troubled person that can’t promise it won’t happen again because he doesn’t know what made him do it in the first place. He said he could grovel and try to work on things but that I deserve better and he can’t put me through this again. Although I know I should be strong and that realistically the relationship is done, I’m gutted he won’t fight for me.
he’s very up and down, one minute wants to work on things, the next he doesn’t know what he wants.
he’s all I’ve ever known and we’ve grown up together, I’m heartbroken.
we had a very happy relationship which he also admits, so I don’t know what is wrong with him, why is it not enough?
I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, how can I get through this?
i should add we don’t have children, we’ve had fertility issues for the last 2 years since we’ve been married, which makes things harder.
I don’t feel like I have the strength to deal with what’s to come, I don’t want to start over again, I just want a normal happy relationship, is that too much to ask.
sorry for the long post