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Original poster

What was THAT?!

27 replies

InAMess2023 · 17/12/2023 13:28

Ive hung out a few times with a guy I’ve known for 20+ years (from school) we’ve never been even friends just someone I knew of but got chatting recently and over the past few months he’s been round mine for a drink, we’d kissed and had a drunk fumble but not had sex. I don’t see it developing into a relationship or anything… just a bit of fun and he feels the same

he came over last night. Id been out for a few drinks and think he’d had a few as well although neither of us were outwardly very drunk. We went to bed and there was a bit of foreplay… handed him a condom, he unwrapped it then suddenly just went ‘I‘m sorry I can’t!’ And pretty much ran out of my house! Leaving me lying there like… wtf…

He was definitely hard so it wasn’t that (I’ve joked with him before how easily it happens even when just kissing!) but it was just so bizarre. I guess I’m hoping for reassurance that it’s not me who was the problem 🤣 (he did used to do drugs occasionally but am 100% sure he hadn’t last night)

Didn’t really want to see or speak to him now after this weird behaviour… but he’s left his hat at mine so I’m going to have to! Or do I just bin it…

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 17/12/2023 13:30

Guilt because he's already in a relationship maybe?

GreyCarpet · 17/12/2023 13:38

DinaofCloud9 · 17/12/2023 13:30

Guilt because he's already in a relationship maybe?

My first thought too.

Given the scenario you describe, OP, I can't imagine why you would think it was something you'd done.

Singleandproud · 17/12/2023 13:40

Hes already in a relationship or not ready to move on following a long term one

Original poster
InAMess2023 · 17/12/2023 13:59

Singleandproud · 17/12/2023 13:40

Hes already in a relationship or not ready to move on following a long term one

It never crossed my mind to be honest but actually he did go quiet for a few weeks recently whereas he would message almost every day before that 🤔 I follow him on social media and we do have some real life friends in common but I guess if it's a new relationship I wouldn't know...

Bin the hat me thinks!

Oh and @GreyCarpet I'm one of those really neurotic people who blames myself for everything 🤣 who knows in my head he could have been repulsed by my prickly bikini line 🤣

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 17/12/2023 14:14

Has he been in touch today?

I would guess he's either married/got a girlfriend and had been on a break from them and now got back together.

Sorry OP, it's shit for you but lucky escape before you developed feelings.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2023 14:19

All the guy did was express that he didn't want to have sex and left your home. Yes, it was abrupt and probably a bit odd, but you'd really just throw away a personal item of his? That's fucking awful. It sounds like he became distressed and needed to leave.

Original poster
InAMess2023 · 17/12/2023 14:23

Mammyloveswine · 17/12/2023 14:14

Has he been in touch today?

I would guess he's either married/got a girlfriend and had been on a break from them and now got back together.

Sorry OP, it's shit for you but lucky escape before you developed feelings.

No he hasn't but I'm kind of hoping he doesn't to be honest! He was quite active on social media when with his ex so I guess I'll see if anyone pops up in his pics (he's 100% definitely not married)

@Aquamarine1029 the hat is in a drawer, I'm not going to bin it really 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
LaurieStrode · 17/12/2023 14:26

That really is odd. I hope you get an explanation.

Olika · 17/12/2023 14:26

I am also thinking he is in a relationship.

Singleandproud · 17/12/2023 14:28

He could also be under going treatment for an STD, suffer from premature ejaculation or all manner of things really. It's much more likely that this is a him issue rather than a having sex with you issue which he seemed very happy with until that point. Men get insecure too.

Whatthefnow · 17/12/2023 14:57

It's possible he just didn't want to shag you.

DatingDinosaur · 17/12/2023 18:32

I'd message him "you left your hat at mine, what do you want me to do with it?"

If you want answers to why he ran out of the house (I would - want answers, that is) ask him in person if he's alright and what was going on there. My first thought wouldn't have been "it must be me" though.

If you don't want answers or don't hear from him again, do you have mutual friends you could give the hat to to return to him?

Outliers · 17/12/2023 18:47

Already in a relationship

WmFnKdSg1234 · 17/12/2023 18:48

He does not have to explain anything, would a woman need to explain if she decided she didn't want to have sex with someone?Confused

Most likely he's in a relationship or in a preamble to one.

MaryMcI · 17/12/2023 18:52

Yes, already in a relationship was my first thought as well.
I would just wait a few days and message to ask about the hat.

Original poster
InAMess2023 · 17/12/2023 18:57

DatingDinosaur · 17/12/2023 18:32

I'd message him "you left your hat at mine, what do you want me to do with it?"

If you want answers to why he ran out of the house (I would - want answers, that is) ask him in person if he's alright and what was going on there. My first thought wouldn't have been "it must be me" though.

If you don't want answers or don't hear from him again, do you have mutual friends you could give the hat to to return to him?

We do have mutual friends but none of them know what's been going on and I don't really want them to...

I've got no ill feelings at all towards him and think it's possible he could be in a relationship rather than thinking it was me (I was hungover and hormonal when I typed this this morning) but I don't really want to know what it was... just totally out of the blue that's all as everything we'd done up to that point was always initiated by him!

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 17/12/2023 18:57

The other thing is that your youngest DC's will barely know him. To them you are moving a father in who has had little to deal with them, a virual stranger. I think before deciding, ask their opinion also. Don't necessarily jump in if they all say yes, but also, and most importantly, listen to them if they are not happy about the idea.

Motnight · 17/12/2023 19:00

Opentooffers · 17/12/2023 18:57

The other thing is that your youngest DC's will barely know him. To them you are moving a father in who has had little to deal with them, a virual stranger. I think before deciding, ask their opinion also. Don't necessarily jump in if they all say yes, but also, and most importantly, listen to them if they are not happy about the idea.

@Opentooffers have you posted on the wrong thread?

Burntouted · 18/12/2023 02:29

He changed his mind. He's entitled to, nor does he owe an explanation.

If it was a woman changing her mind about sex, there wouldn't be all these assumptions, just acceptance of the fact that she did.

Perhaps he has standards, stopped and reflected..and stopped himself from possibly getting caught up for life with a "fast" moving stranger that he doesn't know.

It isn't strange that a man decided not to have sex, and changed his mind.

A lot say nothing when a woman does this...other than its her right.

Sad a whole thread making accusatory assumptions. Trying to find a reason to convict him because he's a man.

MariaLuna · 18/12/2023 02:36

This is not going anywhere.

He did not want to have sex with you.

Next!

WhatNoUsername · 18/12/2023 04:23

Burntouted · 18/12/2023 02:29

He changed his mind. He's entitled to, nor does he owe an explanation.

If it was a woman changing her mind about sex, there wouldn't be all these assumptions, just acceptance of the fact that she did.

Perhaps he has standards, stopped and reflected..and stopped himself from possibly getting caught up for life with a "fast" moving stranger that he doesn't know.

It isn't strange that a man decided not to have sex, and changed his mind.

A lot say nothing when a woman does this...other than its her right.

Sad a whole thread making accusatory assumptions. Trying to find a reason to convict him because he's a man.

Oh give over. Whether a man or a woman did this it would be odd behaviour and you'd be left wondering why/what happened?!?

The consent issue is completely separate. The OP isn't saying that the man should have slept with her whether or not he wanted to. She's just wondering why the sudden and unexpected change of mind. Nothing wrong with that.

Missingmyusername · 18/12/2023 04:33

Burntouted · 18/12/2023 02:29

He changed his mind. He's entitled to, nor does he owe an explanation.

If it was a woman changing her mind about sex, there wouldn't be all these assumptions, just acceptance of the fact that she did.

Perhaps he has standards, stopped and reflected..and stopped himself from possibly getting caught up for life with a "fast" moving stranger that he doesn't know.

It isn't strange that a man decided not to have sex, and changed his mind.

A lot say nothing when a woman does this...other than its her right.

Sad a whole thread making accusatory assumptions. Trying to find a reason to convict him because he's a man.

I agree with this. ^

He didn’t want to have sex with you- leave him alone. I certainly wouldn’t engage again, he’s probably with someone else. Even if he does make contact I’d hand him his hat and show him the door. All sounds odd.

Catlord · 18/12/2023 04:56

Something going on elsewhere either currently or too recent I would bet. I would ask where he wants the hat sent and draw a line. Probably not personal.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 18/12/2023 05:55

WmFnKdSg1234 · 17/12/2023 18:48

He does not have to explain anything, would a woman need to explain if she decided she didn't want to have sex with someone?Confused

Most likely he's in a relationship or in a preamble to one.

Yes. A person of either sex should explain why they changed their mind about sex at the point of penetration and then rapidly left the house of the person they were with. It's rude behaviour and requires some kind of explanation.

Original poster
InAMess2023 · 18/12/2023 07:20

@Burntouted there was absolutely no issue with consent. Why am I 'fast' moving?! I've known him for over 20 years (he was actually a friend of my high school boyfriend) and this 'hanging out' has been going on for months... it's previously been me who has said not yet when he's tried to take things further!

As others have pointed out it's strange behaviour from either sex... especially the literally running out of the door! He could have just said oh I don't really want to actually, we'd have stopped and probably had a cuddle.

Please stop trying to make out I'm some sort of sexual predator

@MariaLuna I didn't want it to go anywhere anyway, just felt like strange behaviour that's all

OP posts: