Unsupportive partner during pregnancy

[purplertwirl]

I know it's my own fault for having another baby with him but I just don't know what to do. People will say I should leave him but again it isn't that easy. I just don't know what to do, things aren't going to change I know they aren't but it's so hard.

I don't feel he is a bad person at all, when he's around he's a brilliant dad. It's the times when he isn't that I struggle to understand him. It's like he can't understand what is the right thing to do in situations.

The past few days I have been really poorly. I'm pregnant as well, as the title mentions and I have low iron levels so I feel really shit and exhausted anyway on top of everything else. DC hasn't been sleeping that well either lately so that's been difficult, I can't remember the last time I had an uninterrupted sleep.

Anyway, DH had to work a full shift yesterday so again, I was up early with the DC and left to manage all day. It was also BILs birthday so today, they have all gone out to do their hobby and basically go on a bender. I don't expect him to return before the early hours of tomorrow morning. But I was up early again with DC so I'm absolutely knackered. I'm just running on 0, I've been crying this morning because I feel emotional.

He just doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with his actions. I'm in the wrong apparently because he asked MIL to help and I said no. I don't expect other people to compensate for him being pretty much useless.

I know the solution but I just don't think I have it in me to go through a break up right before Christmas and a couple of months before I'm due to give birth.

Advice please

I'll be ripped apart for this view, but as someone who has lacked support I don't think you're helping yourself here.

You mention he went to work a full shift, which left you to deal with DC. This sounds totally reasonable and normal, it's essentially what maternity leave is for. If he lost his job, your problems would be more severe than they are now.

I also don't think it's the worse thing in the world to go and celebrate his brother's birthday? :S

And if someone like your MIL is willing to lend a hand, rejecting that is like cutting your nose to spite your face. It takes a village to raise children. Don't suffer just to make a point.

I'm not on maternity leave yet though. I still have to do all the things he has to do during the week and do most of the care for DC. I also don't feel he should be asking others to help out to make up for him being absent. To be quite honest it's embarrassing on his part. He would have been gone doing his hobby anyway today, that I can understand, it's the staying out afterwards on a bender and not returning until early hours and staying in bed all day hungover like always that I struggle to come to terms with.

Okay I see, in which case I think it's reasonable to ask that he comes home earlier and avoids alcohol.

How you go about enforcing this, I'm not too sure.

The way that your life is, respectfully is your own doing.

This is your real problem right here:

"I know it's my own fault for having another baby with him but I just don't know what to do. People will say I should leave him but again it isn't that easy. I just don't know what to do, things aren't going to change I know they aren't but it's so hard."

Probably shouldn't have had 1 by him. . Respectfully.

Also, respectfully you're unappreciative.
He isn't useless, he is providing and doing his part as well.. what he's capable of. He is also stressed and stretched to full capacity..just like you are. He has a right to decompress and relax..sleep in..have a life outside of work..

Both of you know that he can't provide more, and be more involved. Your expectations are too high of him. You know how he already is..
Don't know why you would expect more of him.

Sounds like you are unsupportive, and aren't willing to improve the overall dynamics.

You call him useless, but he works and tries his best to be there for the children (you said he's a brilliant father when he's around).

You said he isn't coping well in this situation either.
He's told you that he isn't understanding of what to do and basic parenting skills or doing the right things according to you.

You already know how things are...and have always been. He has offered you support and a solution that you declined.

He is the partner that is unsupported..not you

You're not even showing up for yourself. You are stuck in a reckless downward slope, and self sabotaging.. you're sabotaging the children's life as well.

Stop having children with him. You both weren't coping well with one, and then irresponsibly bringing another into this dynamic.

This post sounds like you're selfish and unappreciative, and you're bashing and insulting him. Blaming him for your poor choices.

You sound like you're adamant about suffering and keeping your life as difficult. ..to blame and insult him.

It's not his fault that you continue to not love, respect, and cherish yourself.

You keep giving him your time, energy, and body. You keep running back to him. You keep remaining. You know that things are likely to stay the same, but you won't leave.

I am not understanding why you have decided to continue the pregnancy..given everything.

You keep making things harder on everyone. Accept the help. . if not for you, then your children..it may produce a less stressful environment..

If you don't want help from his mother(which will cause a rift in the relationship because that's probably insulting him and his mother) if you have the means, hire someone..perhaps let your little one go over grandma's (if she's capable and able) for awhile... This is her grandchild, maybe she wants to spend time together.

If you need a break away from home, make plans to go out..doesn't have to be extravagant. Maybe rent a night someplace away from home...by yourself or with dh

If you're unhappy in the relationship, leave and don't come back. Strickly Coparent...if he doesn't want to be involved, you have to get help.. you need a village.. and support..

Perhaps therapy would be beneficial for you in order to help you make better decisions and choices for your life in the future.