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Original poster

How to get to know the guy who rubs my choir?

37 replies

Fairylights246 · 17/12/2023 11:29

I go to a community choir which is run by attractive, funny, and seemingly kind man who is the same age as me (early 30s).

I've developed a crush/attraction towards him, however, I'm very aware as a member of his choir it may be inappropriate for me to try to get to know him. I also don't really know how I would even go about that as its not really a setting where he mixes with us, we just sing for a few hours and go home.

He also disclosed he is neurodivergent, so I know that could have an impact on how best to get to know him. Any advice?! Or do I just need to admire him from afar?

Edit the title should say runs not rubs!!!

OP posts:
gano · 17/12/2023 15:47

You wish he'd "rub your choir" 😂

Original poster
Fairylights246 · 17/12/2023 17:26

Omg. I'd love to be this fearless!!! The thought of being so upfront scares me. I think because we have never even had a proper conversation so that seems like striking the iron when its freezing cold. But also I see the positives of just being straight forward.

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 17/12/2023 17:29

Fairylights246 · 17/12/2023 17:26

Omg. I'd love to be this fearless!!! The thought of being so upfront scares me. I think because we have never even had a proper conversation so that seems like striking the iron when its freezing cold. But also I see the positives of just being straight forward.

You go girl!

vanillaredbushtea · 17/12/2023 17:51

I'd just leave it. It would be awkward if you made a move.

StarlightLady · 17/12/2023 18:52

vanillaredbushtea · 17/12/2023 17:51

I'd just leave it. It would be awkward if you made a move.

So many things in my life could have been awkward and turned out lovely. Being Ms Cautious for ever and a day does not work.

Original poster
Fairylights246 · 22/02/2024 16:17

Update

Hello everyone! Well it's been 2 months later....I didn't do anything because I was worried about it being awkward because of the 'boundary'. It's not a voluntary choir, it's his business and I didn't think he'd want to cross any lines.

I'm not sure what to do now. I told a lady about my crush, and she told me she wouldn't say anything, however I think she fancied herself as matchmaker and she sent him a message telling him!

I feel mortified by this as it makes me look like a school girl who can't speak for themselves! And she just didn't do it in much of a casual way.

She sent a screenshot of his reply where he said that I'm really lovely, but he needs to be sensible with his members, but that I'm welcome to follow him on instragram and he can chat to me.

I don't have Instagram or Facebook so I can't do that, and I don't really understand what he means by chat to me? I don't know if was just being polite and didn't want to come across as harsh, or whether he's saying that he's curious but wants to tread carefully?

I saw his profile on hinge a while back but I didn't do anything, but do I interact with him on there? The only other contact I have is his work email, feels weird to email him there about this.

I feel like I have to acknowledge this now it's out there, and I just feel embarrassed! I just can't really tell much by his response? The door slightly ajar or not?

OP posts:
FuzzyManul · 22/02/2024 16:26

Many people with autism struggle with food and avoid food related nights out and avoid noisy places like pubs.

Eh? Where did that nonsensical 'information' come from?

Ladymayflower · 22/02/2024 16:33

Just came here because of the title 😆😆 You may have inadvertently coined a new phrase there 😉
I think if he said you are welcome to chat with him on IG, I would read that as door ajar. He didn't say, no I can't because of x,y,z. He just said he had to be sensible which means maybe not wanting to publicise it in the choir? I would find a way of going IG or FB - or maybe even have your friend message him back that you don't have social media but if he would be ok for her to pass his number on to you?
I mean, it's a bit like high school but honestly, so is any dating 😅
Please keep us posted though - I'm invested in this rubbing post!

Original poster
Fairylights246 · 22/02/2024 16:36

Ladymayflower · 22/02/2024 16:33

Just came here because of the title 😆😆 You may have inadvertently coined a new phrase there 😉
I think if he said you are welcome to chat with him on IG, I would read that as door ajar. He didn't say, no I can't because of x,y,z. He just said he had to be sensible which means maybe not wanting to publicise it in the choir? I would find a way of going IG or FB - or maybe even have your friend message him back that you don't have social media but if he would be ok for her to pass his number on to you?
I mean, it's a bit like high school but honestly, so is any dating 😅
Please keep us posted though - I'm invested in this rubbing post!

Hahaha thank you so much!

OP posts:
SplendidUtterly · 22/02/2024 16:45

Does he rub any other choirs or just yours? 😂

mathanxiety · 22/02/2024 17:33

Sera1989 · 17/12/2023 11:57

If you enjoy going to that particular choir I wouldn't pursue it. Something similar happened at my choir (matched on a dating app and went on a date) and it was all pretty awkward. If you could happily find a new choir then get to know him a bit better by suggesting everyone goes for a drink either before or after choir. For a start, are you sure he's single? And the right sexual orientation?

Yes to this.

There are three formerly married couples in my choir. All the couples met and married through the choir. Tis all vairy awkward now, especially as two of the formerly married (to each other) individuals now are (1) married to same sex partner in choir despite former hetero relationship, and (2) married to opposite sex choir member. One member of another of the formerly married couples has decamped to another choir (loads of shit was flung in both directions during that breakup)... The rest of us are waiting to see what will happen with the so far undramatic third couple.

mathanxiety · 22/02/2024 17:35

@Fairylights246

The door is not ajar. It is bolted shut.

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