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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Post baby Marital Issues

4 replies

M777M · 17/12/2023 10:06

Hello I am just looking for a bit of advice or just to have a chat with mamas that have experienced something similar in regards to their relationship with their spouse post baby.

I completely understand the dynamic shift that can happen between spouses after a baby is born. My husband and I have been together for over 10 years and our relationship and marriage is pretty solid.
However I would say since having my daughter (who is now 10 months) our relationship dynamic has been quite difficult to navigate or understand. Don’t get me wrong when my daughter was born we were all a big bundle of love and I noticed our relationship shifting, of course it will - we have swapped date nights to family days and yeah we don’t have much time to ourselves (both individually and as a couple) anymore.
Since returning to work full time around a month ago I noticed our dynamic has shifted again,
I find that sometimes things my husband did before we had our daughter never really bothered me, however now, since having my daughter, these little things actually get me quite frustrated and irritated.
Before I have a conversation with my husband to talk about how I feel (and discuss how he could be feeling) I just want wanted to see if other mamas experienced this, as I am questioning if the stress of juggling full time work, childcare (the 10 month old hump is a tricky one as we are experiencing a lot of separation issues with our daughter at the moment - it is age and stage however difficult on the old mum guilt) and household chores is all just getting on top of me and if I am just pinning that frustration onto my husband, with a combination of hormones maybe ?!

(its a bit long winded) however ultimately just looking to see if relationship dynamics change post baby and how to mamas navigate this successfully with their spouse ?

thank you!

M

OP posts:
escapethemaze · 17/12/2023 10:27

what things does he do that annoy you now?

Mmmmdanone · 17/12/2023 10:46

I take it he's leaving most of the chores to you. As you work full time too this is unacceptable and resentment will build. Definitely have a conversation and work out a rota for chores.

Outliers · 17/12/2023 10:58

A lot of relationships end once a child arrives. I've certainly felt a huge shift in the relationship the dynamics and my gauge daughter is 19 months.

It does get better, but doesn't go back. Also works both ways, he probably has similar sentiments towards you.

Try and manage frustration - at least until you've conceived 2nd - assuming you want 2.

strawberrysea · 17/12/2023 11:04

If the problem is that he's not pulling his weight when it comes to housework that needs to change immediately. Have you spoken to him about it, what does he say?

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