Why is it so hard to find a partner these days

[Singlelooking10012]

Given there are lots of dating apps/ website it should be easy to meet new people. I am a 44 year old man and struggling to meet new people.

If you’re confident enough, you should try a dancing class, a good way to get into shape as well..

I think online it is really hard to tell what someone looks like from a photo. A lot of people are using really old photos. In real life you can tell straight away if there is connection, genuineness etc. Join the gym go to classes, quiz nights etc I think a lot of single parents struggle to do the real world unfortunately.

I think it's been proven that women are less likely to enter into subsequent relationships after a separation or divorce.

At your point in life, a large amount of available females have probably spent a lifetime looking after another man as a wife/long term partner (unfortunately it's the statistics that females are more likely to take on that load, but hopefully subsequent generations will shift that) and this means that they are less keen on jumping back into what they see as another caring role.
Therefore we have expectations to ensure that doesn't happen and will be much more picky.

Men on the other hand have more than likely come from an environment where the female took on that mental load and therefore they are now missing that support and are more keen for a partner again.

Just means you have more men looking for long term relationships and a group of females who are picky because they don't want to step right back into having to take on what they've previously left.

Try and find activities you can do with friends and just casually stay on the apps. There are so many people that if someone is in there for you then you'll come across them eventually.
Just try and make connections where ever you are and see.

People forget men have needs.

Which people?

Men? Well then, they can organise things for themselves - arrange to go out for a beer, start up social/meet up groups etc. Nothing stopping them!

Women? Why is it women's responsibility to sort out men? If women can get their own social and emotional needs met, so can men.

There are no other 'people'.

The problem with online dating, OP, is that lots of people think that, if they hold out, they will meet the perfect person. They've been sold a dream and they bought it.

I always advise hobbies, getting out and being sociable - gigs, festivals, events etc. You might not meet the person for you directly but people have sisters, friends etc.

This is a great suggestion.

Online even if you are not great looking will only work if you have an amazing text game. A few times I answered messages on hinge out of boredom but they were so interesting that I was captivated

If you're not that great looking AND boring (as in not having a variety of interests, not well read etc) then I am afraid it will be hard

Expectations outweigh reality.

Other big issue with online is that you can text for ages, build up an ideal, a fantasy of the person, then when you eventually meet for the first date in RL, and the person, through no fault of their own, doesn't quite correlate with the fantasy you've built up in your head, It's a disappointment.

Well my experience of finding someone online is that a huge majority of men (not saying you are the same op) are either on there just looking for sex while pretending they want a relationship or they DO want a relationship and when they actually find someone decent, they continue to use the app anyway and chat to many other women behind their new girlfriend’s back 🤷‍♀️

What's the exact problem OP? You are on apps but don't see anyone you like, you use apps but don't get many matches, you get matches but the conversation doesn't go anywhere, you meet people but it doesn't progress to a second date, or something else? What age range and sort of woman are you looking for?

Running, join a club or Parkrun Saturday morning.

Gym? Cycling.

Errr.... hopefully others will have ideas.

At your point in life, a large amount of available females have probably spent a lifetime looking after another man as a wife/long term partner (unfortunately it's the statistics that females are more likely to take on that load, but hopefully subsequent generations will shift that) and this means that they are less keen on jumping back into what they see as another caring role.
Therefore we have expectations to ensure that doesn't happen and will be much more picky.

Men on the other hand have more than likely come from an environment where the female took on that mental load and therefore they are now missing that support and are more keen for a partner again.

^This. Also, even leaving aside the domestic load issue, a lof of women in that age bracket are probably just wary of what men on the dating scene will be like. The MN relationships board alone would have put me off ever looking for another relationship if I were to unexpectedly fund myself single again.

People have much much higher standards and less tolerance of small things they don’t like. They’re also unrealistic about their own appeal. They want a perfect partner but ‘if they can’t love me at my worst they don’t deserve me at my best’

This.

I spent 21 years in a relationship with a man that didn't pull his weight and never prioritised me or our son. I'm not about to get into the same situation again and am much more wary now. Plus I like my own company, love having my house and life the way I like it and am not sure what a man would bring. Have been single for 12 years.

Get yourself down the local pub.

The fact that your 44 years old and need to ask how to join a club might explain why your single.

This. But chat to women rather than 'hitting on' them.

I'd be far more likely to continue a conversation, exchange numbers and arrange to meet a man who'd conversed with me on an equal footing than one who was obviously chatting me up.

Problem is that he may sit in a corner with a pint and not talk to anyone. Instead he needs to go on a gig night and talk to people of both sexes.

I have been chatted up on public transport (only when I've not been single) and so have my friends, some of whom were actually single so went on dates.

If you sit at a computer talking to people via a computer, you will meet people who like to sit talking at a computer. If you meet someone at a running club, you'll meet people who like getting out socially, and running. If you meet someone at a painting class, you'll meet people who like getting out socially, and painting. If you meet someone at a party, you'll meet people who like getting out socially and going to parties.

What does the person you want to be with do with her time? Where does she go when she wants to meet people, in person? Go there.

There's nothing special about 'now' or about 'online dating'. It's always been hard to meet the right person because most of us aren't compatible with most of us. Don't make yourself the victim of 'how hard it is these days'. Some people are lucky, others, less so. It's always been the case. But people who put themselves in the right place at the right time have more luck than people who sit at computers bemoaning the fact that they can't find a woman.

@Watchkeys , lots of truth in that. Essential that you socialise OP, build up confidence, get rid of the shyness and get out there. I do as a blind bloke, but my situation Isn't remotely typical, so once you talk to people and get involved in comparable hobbies, this will help.

I’ve no idea. Not that that’s any help to you OP 🙄 I have hobbies, I’m part of clubs/groups relating to those hobbies, I work part time in a pub, have an ok friendship circle but I’ve never met anyone that way.
Went onto online dating earlier this year, 1 guy seperated who went back to his wife and 1 who the jury is out on. Feels soulless to have to contemplate going back to it at some point but I’m genuinely not sure where else I could meet anyone 🤷‍♀️

Feels soulless to have to contemplate going back to it at some point but I’m genuinely not sure where else I could meet anyone

Anywhere! Join a club, do a course, do a sociable hobby, do a sponsored sky dive, learn to swim, go dancing, go to a group at the library, run a half marathon, start trampolining, go rock climbing, take custard-making lessons.

Basically, keep a turnover of NEW THINGS in your life all the time. Even if you just go to one club you've not been to before every few weeks, it's an hour of your time, and a whole bunch of new people. You can't expect your ongoing set up to throw somebody out of the woodwork and straight at you. Your willingness to contemplate something you feel is soulless may be playing a part.

This is a really interesting point.

Yes to dancing. I love dancing and its absolutely full of women.

Find a hobby/interest that more women are likely to do: yoga, book club, dancing, cooking, volunteering, rambling etc. Then think of the women you meet there as friends, not potential partners. See where it goes from there. You might meet someone who's a friend of a friend for instance.

You have to be quite confident to stand out in internet dating, whether you're a woman or a man. Similarly going to clubs, pubs or bars. Don't fall for a woman that shows zero interest in you, nothing is more of a turn off. If you're just friendly you might grow on someone over time.