Another year alone....

[AmazingDayz]

Another Christmas alone, another new year alone. As much As I would love to embrace being single I do think life is better when you have someone to share it with. Its not about being unhappy alone I just miss having someone there for me. How do you make peace with it and accept that you will be alone long term ?

It's difficult at this time of the year definitely, particularly if your brother has a kid and a partner, and your sister is getting married and also has a kid on the way in May. Sadly, you get used to It, so have to make the best of things as they are/focus on the good, career, hobbies, fun, and settle for what you/we singletons have. Learn to love yourself and enjoy your own company, and there's a kind of contentment in that.

Yeah it's the time of year I think. Just the thought of another Xmas alone makes me feel sad. Everyone I know that is single long term love it so I'm finding it hard to find anyone in the same situation

I'd say the same as your friends, to an extent. A more probable explanation is that they are so used to being long-term single, they wouldn't know exactly how to deal with It, if they weren't. I'd prefer not to be single, Christmas and new year is definitely not ideal to be on your own, but you have to cope with what you have... I keep making resolutions to get back into dating again, but then career gets in the way, or you remember how much work It took sending copious PM'S when you tried a few years ago. Pubs, socials, confident funny, maybe a better approach.

I used to.be fine being alone through choice at Christmas. I.enjoyed the peace. However since having had a relationship with a kind caring man , who took his own life, I can't find the joy i used to feel being alone and meeting people to suit me. Hand hold OP

I think Christmas is evil at lots of levels. The religious observance of the occasion has been overshadowed by commercial enterprise. Unfortunately, with that shift has come an endless and unrelenting bombardment of media messages about the socially correct approach to celebrating the season. It classifies people into groups of normal and not so normal. This means family time, mountains of presents, a loving partner sharing gifts, dinner with friends and so on are highly prized by the media. Personally, I don't have much family left, I am going through cancer treatment and in between surgeries over the Christmas period, my kids have no materialistic aspirations for large presents, and there has not been even a sniff of motivation to find another boyfriend since I ditched the last one. One failed marriage, and four gold digging boyfriends who wanted me to look after them has made me accept single life as being less emotionally burdensome. After all that, and a bombardment of medical drama which has chipped away at me physically and mentally, single is good. Single for me equates with not expecting someone to take me on knowing I have complex health issues, and having them worrying that I will need them as a carer later on. Single means doing what I want, when I want. Single means not having to deal with men who bring baggage, financial troubles and various misaligned expectations to my door. Single means not having to listen to men telling me I should be 'grateful' to have their interest at my time of life. I am sure some people have managed to achieve lovely and lasting relationships with others, and Christmas is perhaps a special time for them. However, I have just made peace with the idea that I am not cut out for dating in the modern world. What precious little free time I have for myself, I prefer to spend on my interests and enjoyment rather than going out on dates or building a life with someone who ultimately disappoints or disrupts my sense of well-being sooner or later.

https://www.goldfromthestone.org.uk/

How do you make peace with it and accept that you will be alone long term ?

Honest answer?

I got a dog.

I get where you are coming from. I have been deliberately single since 2019 and it’s only in recent months that I think I would like to get into something with someone again. The annoying thing is that there is someone I like but he’s not in the right headspace to date. I think, come the new year, I will have to actively make an effort to meet people. I am naturally social and frankly if I want a snog it wouldn’t be hard to come by. But I want a partner, an equal, someone to share things with - an emotional and physical connection.

So I think it’s a like a fork in the road, you either decide that you want someone and so you make an effort to find someone - you might have to kiss a lot of frogs! Or you decide that unless something lands on your doorstep that nothing will happen, in which case lean into your friendships, your hobbies, do things that have meaning for you. I’ve been volunteering all day today and even though I am going home to my cold bed later, I’ve met some lovely people, had some good conversations, had a laugh and a natter. I do sympathise, but it is ultimately about choice and you deciding what you want and how to get there.

I’m the same. Single but don’t want to be. I really want to be in a relationship but just can’t find anyone suitable.

However, reading mumsnet reminds me I’m better being single than with some of the men discussed on here.

I'm at the fork where I like my cold bed!

Totally fair enough!

Would you consider going on a retreat of one sort or another. I used to and at the time met a partner who was with me for some years. We still keep in touch actually.

I'm not sure you have to make peace with it being long term/forever.
More maximising the opportunities and enjoying your life has at each stage.

I'm ND and although I have been in very long term relationships when I was younger, I think now I really appreciate the peace and stability that being single offers.
Yes I am alone and that is very hard at times, but I also appreciate that my life is much simpler not having to accommodate a man who (in my personal experiences) hasn't lived up to what I hoped them to be. It was so heartbreaking being constantly disappointed and dissatisfied. The 'better' a partner I was, the less I got back.
Being single (for me) means any effort I make returns the reward to me, not someone who isn't going to give it back.

My top tip for getting through Christmas is to enjoy everything as much as you can. When you're single it's very easy to imagine that being with the perfect man in the perfect relationship would be so wonderful, but let's face it, applications for divorces rocket in the new year. So few people have a lovely relationship from what I see.

Next tip: buy yourself a lovely Christmas present.