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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I messed up

33 replies

cottonwoolballs · 16/12/2023 18:37

Hi brief background. My ex and I split in 2022, were friends for years prior to a 2 year relationship he ended as he couldn’t say ILY. Anyway, we had a fall out earlier this year and got back in touch after 4 months. We chatted on texts about Christmas etc and I mentioned a present he bought me a couple of years earlier were the worst thing (foot warmers you shake to activate). Anyway, he went mad at me for “assassinating his character” and said he doesn’t want to speak to me again.

Ive apologised as it was meant in jest as I spoke about a present I got years ago too.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 17/12/2023 11:38

He just messaged to say “I may message you next week”.

This is called ''hoovering''. He's trying to suck you back in.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Out-Fog-Confusion-Clarity-Narcissistic-ebook/dp/B077SFQWZ2

Original poster
cottonwoolballs · 17/12/2023 21:32

Thank you all. As per woke up today with crippling anxiety but he would know that. I spent the day with my sister and had a great time. X

OP posts:
Moonshine5 · 17/12/2023 21:33

He's gaslighting you

Opentooffers · 17/12/2023 21:56

Yes you've messed up, but not in the way you think. Your big mistake is trying to be friends with an ex - never a good idea. An even worse idea with an emotionally abusive ex.
Somehow he got to dump you, because he couldn't say ILY? Should of been the other way around.
You are right, you have a letting go problem, and until you get that sorted, you should not date, because being able to let go is a fundamental necessary part of avoiding shit relationships.

Original poster
cottonwoolballs · 17/12/2023 21:56

@Moonshine5 my friend always said that.

OP posts:
Original poster
cottonwoolballs · 18/12/2023 08:56

@Opentooffers Somehow he got to dump you, because he couldn't say ILY?

I have never thought of it like that before. I just automatically thought I mustn’t be good enough for him as he used to talk about his exes loads.
thank you

OP posts:
category12 · 18/12/2023 15:58

cottonwoolballs · 18/12/2023 08:56

@Opentooffers Somehow he got to dump you, because he couldn't say ILY?

I have never thought of it like that before. I just automatically thought I mustn’t be good enough for him as he used to talk about his exes loads.
thank you

Yeah, you're looking at this very upside down.

Consider that maybe you're a lovely person and a catch, and he's a headfucking dipshit. 😉

Original poster
cottonwoolballs · 18/12/2023 18:56

@category12 haha thank you that made me smile. X

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