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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Signs he might be cheating?

4 replies

Itssnacktime · 16/12/2023 17:48

Our relationship hasn't been 100% for a while but we have good patches and rougher patches.
Lately I get the feeling he might be at the very least speaking to someone else (which he's been caught out on before a few years ago).

I was going out last night to have my hair done and I went to go and say bye to him. He was on the loo, I'd been waiting but he often sits there ages on his phone so I just popped my head in to say bye, he turned his phone away from me which I thought was strange.

Today we'd said about doing something as a family as he's not working, he mentioned a lights show in the week and I asked him to look in to it see what time we could go etc. This morning our DC's got in bed with us and I asked what the plan was for today, he said he was taking our DS out to the pub to watch the football. No invite or anything. I asked about the lights show he said it wasn't on anymore. Ok.

He go in about 4.45 today and was immediately off with me, he was expecting dinner to be ready - we usually eat at 6. Turns out he hadn't had lunch (had got DS some chips at the pub) and I said obviously I didn't know that and we eat at 6 usually. He blew up saying I'd attacked him and he'd only been in 5 mins. This seems to be a bit of a pattern where I can't do anything right and I get it in the neck a lot, or he makes digs at me.

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive at the moment, my DF has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer so I'm struggling a bit and probably not my usual cheery self. But his pattern of behaviour lately, blaming me for all sorts, being secretive with his phone, going to bed at 8.30/9 without me (not wanting to sit and watch something together as we used to) makes me feel like there's someone else.

Anything I should be looking out for?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 16/12/2023 18:15

I think you're looking at the wrong problem.

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive at the moment

How does the 'correct' level of sensitivity get decided for you? How will you know if you're getting it 'right'?

The issue is, you don't trust your partner. The question isn't 'Has he cheated?' it's 'Do you want to continue a relationship with someone you don't trust?'

Stop questioning your feelings, understandings, and beliefs, and deal with the actual matter at hand. You're not 'faulty'. He has been untrustworthy in the past, and now you don't trust him. Why would you need to question your sensitivity?

MikeRafone · 16/12/2023 18:20

Your gut is usually correct

this is a difficult time of year for affairs so they get tetchy

Wednesday6 · 16/12/2023 18:54

Main thing would be not to leave his phone or not let you use it.. usually. Randomly turning the phone off/away could be okay.. maybe he was watching porn/shopping for a present.

TurnerP · 16/12/2023 19:08

Yes going to bed before you often means he wants to get away from you to message another woman

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