Getting past abortion in relationship (Trigger)

[ChimneySweepLiverpool]

Hi everyone,

TRIGGER: abortion

I became pregnant after two years (on and off) with my partner. I am early 30s and he is mid 30s and when he found out he told me it would ruin his life if I had the baby. Told me it would also ruin his families life and he would hate me if I kept the baby. I offered to raise it alone and he could just leave, I told him I wouldn't contact him again but he had a 'break down' and I had an abortion.

I regret it horribly. Hes paying for my counselling etc but it's awful. I feel such distaste towards him now. Hard to know what's hormones etc?
Has anyone else been through this and did you get passed it or did the relationship end? Ill continue to go to counselling to try help the regret pass x

I didn’t want to read and run. I’m so sorry.

It sounds to me that he pushed you into a decision you didn’t want. It’s not a small thing, choosing an abortion, and it sounds like you didn’t want to. It sounds like he emotionally blackmailed you in a horrible way. It would ruin his family’s lives??

If you were my friend I would hate him for that and I would support you in leaving him. I’m not surprised you find him distasteful. He is.

It doesn't sound like it was a good relationship before this if it was very on and off. Was that due to his behaviour?

I'm sorry that you had an abortion when you wanted to continue the pregnancy.

I think you should dump this guy. How would a baby have ruined his families' lives? It's just weird 🤔.

He emotionally blackmailed you into terminating when you didn't want to - I don't think you should get past it. Man's awful.

You can do better.

Yes it was due to his behaviour and his commitment fears that we had been on and off. When I told him he said he never wanted children but had previously said 'if I had children etc'. We weren't the type of couple to speak about having children together.

Despite seeing me so upset the past few days, he is happy to be 'back to normal' and says it was the right thing.

He begged me on the morning to go to the appointment when I said I wouldn't. Cried and cried and I stupidly thought 'i can't do this to him'.

Hopefully the counselling will help you to see that this is a very damaging relationship and that you need to end it.