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Original poster

Can you help me move past pathetic crush on colleague?

13 replies

Drplease · 16/12/2023 11:44

I have worked alongside this colleague for the past 3 years but recently we have started working together a lot more and a major crush has developed which is embarrassing. I think the crush goes both ways to be honest but it’s getting to a point now where I actively try to avoid him because I’m humiliated to be 30, married and have what feels like a school girl crush on a married colleague. I can’t avoid him all together because our department was totally diminished over summer due to voluntary redundancies and we’ve all had to start helping one another out more.

I’m annoyed I fancy him because it’s evident most people fancy him and I don’t want to follow that cliché. I pretend to be above all of that and too cool for him in various ways so I think that’s made him fancy me back, there’s some serious sexual tension between us anyway. It was the Christmas party this week and we chatted for a bit, essentially we just rib one another for our area of expertise in a jovial way. Then we just stood closely side by side for ages watching the performers and I actually got a heart rate notification on my Apple Watch because my heart was so high despite not moving…

It’s pathetic, I know it is. I’m married and not even unhappy so I feel so guilty for feeling this way. How can I move past it? I’ve tried telling myself he isn’t that attractive because look, he wears cardigans sometimes and most of the time turns up in crumpled shirts and I mock his expertise a lot because it’s so generic compared to mine which is ridiculously obscure so I’m clearly much cooler than he is and he’s a pretentious bastard who listens to jazz vinyls and won’t watch films made after 2000. Thing is, I like old films and jazz music too so it isn’t really helping Wink. How can I get over myself?

OP posts:
Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 16/12/2023 11:46

Drplease · 16/12/2023 11:44

I have worked alongside this colleague for the past 3 years but recently we have started working together a lot more and a major crush has developed which is embarrassing. I think the crush goes both ways to be honest but it’s getting to a point now where I actively try to avoid him because I’m humiliated to be 30, married and have what feels like a school girl crush on a married colleague. I can’t avoid him all together because our department was totally diminished over summer due to voluntary redundancies and we’ve all had to start helping one another out more.

I’m annoyed I fancy him because it’s evident most people fancy him and I don’t want to follow that cliché. I pretend to be above all of that and too cool for him in various ways so I think that’s made him fancy me back, there’s some serious sexual tension between us anyway. It was the Christmas party this week and we chatted for a bit, essentially we just rib one another for our area of expertise in a jovial way. Then we just stood closely side by side for ages watching the performers and I actually got a heart rate notification on my Apple Watch because my heart was so high despite not moving…

It’s pathetic, I know it is. I’m married and not even unhappy so I feel so guilty for feeling this way. How can I move past it? I’ve tried telling myself he isn’t that attractive because look, he wears cardigans sometimes and most of the time turns up in crumpled shirts and I mock his expertise a lot because it’s so generic compared to mine which is ridiculously obscure so I’m clearly much cooler than he is and he’s a pretentious bastard who listens to jazz vinyls and won’t watch films made after 2000. Thing is, I like old films and jazz music too so it isn’t really helping Wink. How can I get over myself?

Probably happens to all of us 😂 you’ll get over it, I did without even realising it. Just a stupid work crush

Original poster
Drplease · 16/12/2023 11:47

Ahh I hope I do naturally move past it. I keep waiting for him to do something awfully unattractive so I can go off him but everything he does that I find annoying and pretentious doesn’t really deter me Grin.

OP posts:
Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 16/12/2023 11:49

Drplease · 16/12/2023 11:47

Ahh I hope I do naturally move past it. I keep waiting for him to do something awfully unattractive so I can go off him but everything he does that I find annoying and pretentious doesn’t really deter me Grin.

You will. Happened to me years ago and now I wonder why I ever thought he was attractive. Blame it on our hormones 😂

Rania78 · 16/12/2023 11:55

Thinking of your crush having a poo works wonders for some people. Maybe you could give it a go? 😆

Berlinlover · 16/12/2023 12:05

@Haveallthesongsbeenwritten No need to quote the entire post.

samestyle · 16/12/2023 12:22

What keeps me grounded about colleagues is, if you were to leave your job you are most likely never see or hear from them again, it's superficial because you have to be in each others space, he finishes work and looks forward to going home and so do you, he will have dinner, sit with his wife, have a poo, a wank, and other gross things men do, shag his wife and he won't be thinking about you so stop wasting this energy crushing on him, and that fact that lots of others fancying him it's so off putting, don't feed his ego.

Planesmistakenforstars · 16/12/2023 12:55

won’t watch films made after 2000

Could this be the key? Just imagine that this person will not watch The Act of Killing, Pan’s Labyrinth or Parasite because he chooses to be a tosser. And he advertises it! He tells people about it, thinking it makes him seem aloof and cool. Good fucking God, is he even an adult?

JamSandle · 16/12/2023 13:01

Crushes are natural. Try not to feed it and it will go away.

buddy79 · 16/12/2023 13:10

I was like this recently and I got terrified that something was actually going to happen.. I actually told my husband (it helps that he is a completely non-jealous type), as we were having various problems and it was partly due to feeling a bit invisible at home. It’s seductive when you’re being noticed elsewhere!! We ended up laughing about it together, it took the power out of it completely, and it’s passed. Phew!

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 16/12/2023 15:04

Berlinlover · 16/12/2023 12:05

@Haveallthesongsbeenwritten No need to quote the entire post.

no need to tell me what to do

DGConsultant · 16/12/2023 15:06

Only workable solutions, from sad previous experience, is time and distance, serious distance. Try and move departments/teams or even companies, if It seems incurable. I had the same problem 6 years ago, left the team I was working in. Me single, woman crush, had boyfriend, desperate stuff, really. I'd have to go and sit down after spending time in a room with her, take walks, stopped eating properly, and still would be like a biscuit in a hot mug of tea if we encountered one another now/again. Complicated even further because you're married!

MasterBeth · 17/12/2023 22:45

Berlinlover · 16/12/2023 12:05

@Haveallthesongsbeenwritten No need to quote the entire post.

No need to tell someone off for quoting the entire post.

ClareBlue · 17/12/2023 23:01

But if the hart rate monitor indicates an issue, then you're in trouble. 😂

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