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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've really screwed up

99 replies

Thefuturelooksscary · 16/12/2023 06:45

I'm really just looking for a hand-hold please. I've been feeling very low lately but hiding it well and carrying on (as you do). Peri-menopause has started to kick my butt (endless painful periods, not sleeping, mood swings). I'm struggling with the relationship with my Mum (who I love very dearly), but finding increasingly difficult to spend time with, accompanied by massive guilt, but above all I'm terrified about our financial situation as my husbands business means we're in big difficulties and rapidly running out of money. He has been burying his head about it and I feel all the burden of worry and trying to solve things is on me (a whole other thread really). Anyway, we had his hobby Christmas dinner last night. I got very drunk, very quickly and massively embarassed him. We had to leave early. He is so furious with me he won't even speak to me and has slept on the sofa. I know that this level of anger will go on for a while now (not speaking, sulking etc). I'm wracked with guilt and feel terrible and don't know how to make this up to him, but also can't face feeling like the 'baddie' when I know there are reasons I drank so much (to forget and feel better) but talking about it now won't be possible while he's so cross. I know he'll probably say he can never face them again and I've ruined it for him. I really don't think that after Christmas peopple will even be thinking about me being drunk, and I didn't do anything hurtful or horrible, just hugely embarassing. I've probably ruined Christmas on top of everything.

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Thefuturelooksscary · 16/12/2023 12:18

@strawberrysea wow, I did nothing as bad as that. I have apologised sincerely, and am just trying to behave 'normally' (not easy under the circs). I genuinely don't think I deserve the silent treatment. You can be angry with someone but still be civil and not unkind. It isn't the first time, I usually just try and ride it out but horrible to feel lonely in your own home.

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morechaimama · 16/12/2023 12:19

If it isn't the first time, don't ride it out, think about riding on out of there.

GreigeO · 16/12/2023 12:31

he'll probably say he can never face them again and I've ruined it for him

Surely you’d just laugh at him if he did this Confused

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 16/12/2023 12:40

In the grand scheme of things you got drunk at a Christmas party...Your husband is making this in to big issue and it really doesn't need to be.

You have already apologised, I would leave it at that and ignore him until he stops sulking!

PaperDoIIs · 16/12/2023 12:51

Thefuturelooksscary · 16/12/2023 12:18

@strawberrysea wow, I did nothing as bad as that. I have apologised sincerely, and am just trying to behave 'normally' (not easy under the circs). I genuinely don't think I deserve the silent treatment. You can be angry with someone but still be civil and not unkind. It isn't the first time, I usually just try and ride it out but horrible to feel lonely in your own home.

The more and more you post, the less lovely he sounds.

There are huge issues at play here, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to stop seeing yourself through his eyes.

Thefuturelooksscary · 16/12/2023 12:52

@SaltedCaramelIcedLatte I'm not usre it's possible to ignore someone who's already behaving as if you don't exist.

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Thefuturelooksscary · 16/12/2023 12:53

I've just realised that I now feel just as upset about my Husbands reaction/treatment of me, than I do about my own behaviour last night.

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Mudflaps · 16/12/2023 14:02

Time to woman up and have a serious talk about his business. I've been there and it's bloody hard. Dh was self employed running his own business when we married, things were good until recession hit hard and the business started to struggle, it was a slow steady decline until the debts and stress was overwhelming, my income kept food on the table but My God it was a struggle, he just wouldn't give in, kept insisting he could trade his way out of trouble which meant he borrowed more, my money started paying small company bills and he was changing from the man I loved and married into someone else in front of me, almost ten years of struggling, I learnt to run a household on a shoestring, cheapest home cooked meals, heating on only when necessary, I'd go without to ensure I had enough money for dh to continue his hobby because I knew it was the only time his mind was occupied and he wasn't thinking about the business. Our health suffered, we couldn't afford health insurance (pretty essential here), our house needed maintenance we couldn't do, it goes on and on all due to a man who didn't want to admit his business failed, the facade had to be kept. I gave ultimatums, get a part time job, keep the business part time, shut the business or I'm leaving but I love him and stayed, our marriage was strong but it suffered, sex was non existent, the stress was choking us both but he just couldn't give up his dream of having his own business. We had to restructure our mortgage, nesrly lost our home, couldn't afford a night out, everything was just difficult. He'd come home in the evening and hardly speak, he'd spend hours in the shed tidying, to be honest he spoke to the dogs more than to me at that time. I really believed we were going to split and even then because my name was tied to the company I'd have been liable for some of the loans which I knew nothing about when they were taken out (lesson learnt, don't get involved unless you are going to be very involved and know everything that happens and have decision making power). Weirdly our saviour was Covid, all businesses closed, all repayments were paused, he had to stay at home and he started to relax which meant he could think clearly. He was then asked to design something related to his business that enabled other businesses to stay operating during covid so he did and we spent the first year busy with that which also meant some money coming in. Then he decided to start studying and that's how the rest of covid time was spent, he got a qualification in something completely unrelated to his past and got a job. Covid and the time it gave us saved us, we know how fortunate we were because it was such a terrible time for others. The business never reopened, we are paying the debts slowly but getting there, our marriage is good, strong and happy but we both know how close it came to finishing. Sorry for the novel but your posts just rang a bell in my memory and I fear for you and your mental health if you don't talk to your husband about how you are feeling and how it had an effect on what happened last night. Please don't do like I did and enable him for years while slowly drowning in the stress of it. We lost so many years and he lost so many employable career building years, we're in our mid 50's and the business starting having issues in our early 40's, don't be like us.

Sholkedabemus · 16/12/2023 15:20

No one ever deserves the silent treatment. It’s actually a form of abuse and is cruel and damaging.

Thefuturelooksscary · 16/12/2023 17:16

@Mudflaps thank you. Your post just made me cry after trying not to all day. I'm glad to hear you got back on track.

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boobot1 · 16/12/2023 17:49

Thefuturelooksscary · 16/12/2023 07:17

@pinklemonata I mean totaaly sozzled, slurring etc at 8.30 pm, not just a bit drunk. He wouldn't be this furious if it was just 'christmas party drunk'. I wish I had just told him how low I've been feeling and talked about it instead of getting legless to deal with it all. Thanks for trying to make me feel better though.

I once got so drunk dh had to carry me to bed. He thought it was hilarious, and brought me a greasy breakfast next morning to soak it up. Most people have done that once or twice!

JanefromLondon1 · 16/12/2023 18:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

BookwormDadUK · 16/12/2023 18:20

He needs to lighten up! I don't drink at all, but my wife likes a gin. One time she got absolutely smashed during the day while we were with friends and it wasn't an issue. She had a nap, I bought a chippy, and reserve the right to take the mickey about the time she puked in the shower. I could never be embarrassed by her. You should tell DH to get over himself.

wite · 16/12/2023 19:00

The silent treatment is one of the worst types of abuse. What a horrible man he must be. I hope you're okay OP.

Thefuturelooksscary · 16/12/2023 19:01

@BookwormDadUK thanks for responding. No offence intended at all I promise, but for you and others who have said to simply tell/demand my husband 'snaps out of it' clearly have never had a close relationship with someone who chooses to deal with things in this way. It really isn't that easy.

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BookwormDadUK · 16/12/2023 19:11

Fair enough, I'm sorry. I was trying to reassure you that you shouldn't beat yourself up. His reaction is on him, not you. I would hate to think that he gets any satisfaction from making you feel guilty or "punished".

Thefuturelooksscary · 16/12/2023 19:13

@BookwormDadUK thank you. You're very thoughtful, appreciated.

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PersephonePomegranate23 · 16/12/2023 19:19

Could you write him a letter apologising for your behavior and explaining it? I'd also tell him you understand why he's angry but also explain how his cold shouldering you makes you feel?

Iknowtheyareusefulstorage · 16/12/2023 19:23

You are adults, he does not have the right to 'punish' you - not in a healthy relationship anyway.

BlackPanther75 · 16/12/2023 20:04

Well my wife used to excel at the silent treatment. She once didn’t speak to me for a week. I few years ago I stopped putting up with it at all and called her out on it. Not speaking to someone and ignoring them is as bad as or worse than shouting at them.

she is far better now. She still
does the silent treatment sometimes, but my tolerance of it is low and after an hour or so I’ll call her out on it. I’ll ask her what’s going on, so you’re ignoring me are you? That’s not ok, I think you’re doing it because of x and y … etc etc and I’ll keep
going until she starts talking about it. I’ve no time for it. She can be angry at me, upset with me, whatever that’s fine, but giving me the silent treatment is nasty and harmful for the relationship and I just don’t put up with it now

Thefuturelooksscary · 17/12/2023 08:40

Thanks all for the support yesterday. Things are less frosty this morning, and I feel a bit less down after a reasonable sleep. Going to try to put the episode behind me and look forward to Christmas.

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Indifferentchickenwings · 17/12/2023 08:58

To be honest are you upset because you got drunk

or are you uk set because he’s angry ?

as a PP said it’s a boozer weekend

i think we need to lose the idea that you did something terrible here

things are stressful and you didn’t manage your drinking

hold you head high and stop apologising

Mudflaps · 17/12/2023 14:08

Sorry I made you cry, put the lastest incident behind you for the moment but you have to sort out the business issues. DO NOT end up in the position I did, sit down with every bit of information needed, all financial aspects and be very clear that you cannot continue as things are. If he is unwilling to do this or if you think he's hiding information take a deep breath and think long and hard about your future. I wish I had someone shake me years age and make me see how sad we had both become.

Thefuturelooksscary · 17/12/2023 17:42

@Indifferentchickenwings thank you x All of the above really!

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