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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Issues before Christmas - how to stay strong

3 replies

Tangerine461 · 15/12/2023 20:02

I have a strong suspicion I'm in a relationship with a narcissist. Every few weeks there is some form of an issue with me being the one at fault. I'm starting to see through these very hazy clouds, but staying strong is something I'm struggling with. I'm quite a resilient person, but I'm petrified of losing that and feel with every day a little more of it gets lost. But yet, I feel I can't leave.

To give a recent example, a few days ago my boyfriend turned around and said 'I'm annoyed with you today'. I sarcastically replied as if I didn't already know and when I dug deeper into the reasons why, it was because I watched a video of some travel YouTubers which apparently made him feel bad - I think because they were living a fun, carefree life and him not so much.... I said I was watching it because it was of interest to me, and I didn't expect him to watch it in full with me - I just showed a few clips of places we had once visited.

The conversation then flipped to us hosting friends this weekend. It's been something I've been planning for weeks/months and he's either completely forgotten or just didn't put the 2&2 together that it was this weekend. Anyways, when I said about how I'm looking forward to making a few bits for the spread, he started saying that it's unappreciated by them and I shouldn't bother. I replied to say, how much I enjoy making them food and it's another memory to create. Again, I was made to feel in the wrong for this. When I came up with another solution which bridges his idea and mine, his reply was "just do what you want to do because you'll do it anyway".

I've realised things that bring me joy, are things he has an issue with. It's either because he focuses on it not being the right time, it's too expensive or he just doesn't see the point of whatever the topic is.

How can I navigate this without completely losing my sense of self while we're together? I'm now dreading the weekend and just know to expect sarcastic comments while I try my best to hold it together without anyone knowing.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/12/2023 21:27

Why do you feel you can’t leave?. What are you getting out of this relationship?. Of course you can do this, you only have to give your own self permission to leave. This is who he is and he is not going to change. You’re not allowed by him to receive any happiness or joy at all, it’s a miserable existence he confines you to.

You and he should no longer be together. Relationships should not be hard work.

SpringleDingle · 15/12/2023 22:03

He sounds like a misery, why not navigate yourself away from him??

Seaoftroubles · 15/12/2023 22:23

Why can't you leave? He sounds horrible, a complete misery and a drain on any joy or pleasure in your life. What on earth makes you want to stay with such an unpleasant man? l would seriously start making plans to separate.

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