Hello Mummies,
I am hoping for some advice. I started a new job not too long ago and to welcome me to the company the entire office were taken to a bottomless brunch. This spilled on into the night and I found myself talking to a lovely man, whom everyone holds with esteem and cant say enough nice words about him. We found ourselves alone, just sitting next to one another talking. I remember we were looking into one anothers eyes and, in my brave tispy state, I had a fleeting moment of, what I i just kiss him, so out of the the blue, i did. He kissed me back and before I knew it he grabbed my hand, led me out of the venue, into a taxi and back to his house. We slept together. I have never in my life done anything like this, let alone with a work colleague.
Safe to say Monday morning, sober and full of dread I walked in to work. I couldnt even look at him and we spent most of the day avoiding one another. A few days passed and he was the first to break the ice, all work talk, but he was full of warmth and smiles. This ramped up to long intense eye contact, stealing smiles at one another, like we were speaking our own intimate language. This was followed with him teasing me, laughing with me, so I thought what the hell and I passed him my number without saying a thing.
He never texted. I was a little miffed but respected his decision and thought I was clearly reading too much into it and to put the whole thing out of my head and move on. A few more weeks went by and I noticed that whenever I was stuck with some thing work related, without even asking he would show up at my deak with what I needed, clearly over hearing my conversations with other work people.
He would go out of his way for me at every opportunity. He kept up the intense eye contact, the stolen smiles, would always come into the kitchen when he could see me in there alone, strike up conversation, leaning in, his body language, finding any excuse to be near me. I would catch him staring at me, then looking away quickly if i saw him. The feelings I would get were the most insane rush like i have never felt before.
So after a day of him really flirting hard with me I decided that when I next saw him I would talk to him and open up to see what the deal was. I came into work the next day full of confidence and ready to talk. Only he was different. He seemed 'off' and this really threw me so I lost the nerve to speak with him about it. I gave it the weekend to see how he would be with me the following Monday.
Again, really off, he couldnt even look at me and when I asked if he had had a nice weekend when I caught him alone, he just mumbled something then walked off, again, couldnt even look at me.
The following day, the same thing. As he sits on the desk behind me, he hears everything i am saying and i was confused over something and talking to the person next to me when he suddenly stood up and was really condensending to me telling me that he had shown me once on how to do this task. I was so upset and angry. He did the same thing the following day when I snapped back at him ' I just cant seem to do anything right can I' and walked off. I went into the toilet and had a cry. He knew he had really hurt me.
Next day I was still so upset, he was clearly trying to make it up to me, reverting back to being warm, kind and soft, offering to help, making me cups of tea, his way of apologising but I just couldnt bring myself to look or speak with him.
I drove myself crazy wondering what I had done that really made him mad at me to be like that and the only thing i can think of is that i got excited to see another work friend, who is male and hugged him when he came over to talk to me, told him i'd missed him as this would be around the time he went cold on me.
Fastfoward a few days I decided that I would just drop it and made the effort to be nice to him. He was really shy and coy but when we passed one another we made eye contact for the first time and the shy sweet smile we gave one another was like lightening through my entire body, it was like we had made up and forgave one another.
Now we are back to how it used to be but with this real closeness
I have never experienced anything like this before. We have never spoken about that night, nor about eveything that had happened after, its almost like an unspoken language that we have, an entire lust relationship with out muttering a single word. I know 100% he feels the same way I do but neither willing to confront it. I feel like I have made it clear by giving him my number so I dont want to be the one to start that conversation.
I am trying to give him space and not push for anything but its driving me mad! What is happening here?
Confused Mummy x