I can't leave my emotionally abusive partner

[Fixorleave]

I really need help with this. I am scared of my boyfriend. I've tried to leave him 5 or 6 times but I just can't.
I have a dog I just can't leave, and he won't let me take, we have a huge mortgage together, I have no one I could stay with, I can't afford to rent somewhere because I know he won't pay the mortgage if I leave so I'll have to keep paying it. I work two jobs, so I can't increase my earnings.
I walk on eggshells around him. He is nice most of the time but has a really bad temper. He has threatened to kill me multiple times, and regularly threatens to smash the house up. He's punched through doors and walls, smashed plates and glasses in the past but never hurt me. He has hurt the dog before but a long time ago. The dog has really bad seperation anxiety from him. I have no autonomy over my life- in order to stop him blowing up, I just have to do everything he says, do all the housework, get up when he says, go to bed when he says. He twists everything back onto me if I try and bring it up. He knows he has an anger problem but it just doesn't seem to get better.
This morning he woke up, and started shouting at me because his jumpers didn't fit, and then he came downstairs and realised I'd forgotten to empty the dishwasher (I get up before him to start job number 1 so usually do this), and then I started apologising and trying to get to the dishwasher to empty it, he shouted at me to get out the room or he'd smash everything up. He then emptied it while ranting that it's disgusting that he's expected to get up and there are no tea spoons. This is a very minor argument for us- usually it ends up with him calling me and my family every name under the sun, and criticising everything about me. He sulks if i go out in the evening or weekend to see family. Normally I beg him to forgive me, and apologise and then it goes back to normal but I'm just too tired today, and I've just ignored him. He's walked out, I imagine to buy alcohol, and i thought maybe this time I should actually go, but the dog is crying and crying because he's obsessed with my boyfriend and I just can't bring myself to do it.

Whilst he's out, call Women's Aid for urgent advice. Start gathering bits together - paperwork, documents, some clothes, etc. As it's said here, get your ducks in a row and start preparing to leave.

Don't worry about the dog, worry about yourself.

You can't see it now because you're in the thick of it all, but six months from now, when you've left and your life is a thousand times better, you'll wonder why you didn't leave sooner.

You are worth SO much more than this.

Agree to call Women's Aid. They are so helpful and will have lots of experience of helping women in very similar situations. It looks from their website as though they have moved to live chat rather than having a phone line any more but do make contact with them.

You can leave sweetheart, gather any important paperwork, pack yourself a bag and just walk out. Ring Women's Aid and start a new and happier life, everything else can be sorted out via solicitors xxx

Oh sorry it's Refuge who have the helpline. 0808 2000 247

@Fixorleave let the mortgage company repossess the house! find a flat and start renting and take the dog and your possessions with you. preferably do this while he is at work or out the house. get all paperwork together and start changing passcodes for everything even email address. he is not good and verging on the dangerous side if you ask me.

Get yourself a new phone number so he can't find/harass you. You can do this sweetheart, I've done it and so have lots of the girls on here, we're here for you xxx

I left a house and mortgage.. Isn't the end of the world. Staying could be the end of your life op.

Please leave, no one deserves to be treated like that.
Do you not have any family who would put you up for a while why you get yourself sorted. It’s amazing how many people will offer help when you need it.

I left my ex while he was out at work and took the kids, dog with me. When he realised I was serious and not coming back he agreed to leave the family home.

It will be hard and you will feel awful but give it time and you will look back and realise it was one of the best decisions you ever made, you need to make sure you are safe.

You could also apply to the court for a non-molestation order and occupation order that would prevent him from contacting you and meaning you can stay in the house.
The orders can be made without the other person knowing and a domestic abuse charity (I can’t remember the name) helped me apply and wrote my witness statement for me, they can usually be done fairly quickly aswell.

What do your family say when they see you at the weekend or evening? Do they think you have changed or make any suggestions?