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Original poster

Don't feel ready to date but scared of "missing the boat".

13 replies

Kaltenzahn · 14/12/2023 14:42

*This post may or may not have been prompted by a conversation with two well meaning(?) 23 year old coworkers who took me aside at the work Christmas party to say they were worried about me and that, seeing as I'm almost 30, have I considered freezing my eggs?

I'm having a bit of a stress at the moment and just looking for some advice.

I'm 27 with limited relationship history. My previous relationships have been pretty short lived and not overly positive. I've been pretty happily single for just over 2 years now.

All my previous relationships have started at work, which is something I want to avoid this time round. This means I'll probably have to put a conscious effort into dating rather than just letting it happen.

Ideally I want to wait about a year before I start looking at dating again, in that time I'll be in a better place in my job and will hopefully have bought my first home (currently in a crappy flatshare), however I'm now worried that I could be leaving it too late. From what I can see the supply of half decent single men drops off a cliff around late 20s and I reckon I'll be hard pushed to find someone single, without kids and not a massive twat in a few years time. In my social groups/workplace the only single men seem to be early 20s, then there's a massive void until you get to the divorced dads in their 40s. I see a lot of women in their early 30s getting with these men in their 40s but I don't feel ready for that! My last relationship had an age gap and kids involved and it was bloody complicated (and unhealthy on several levels), and not something I'm overly keen to repeat.

Is it worth waiting a year or two until I'm more settled and financially stable? Should I put the work in now or have I already left it too late?

OP posts:
Glitterb · 14/12/2023 15:24

You are 27, you have more than enough time to meet someone and have children if you want too. Your life is none of your co workers business!

For context, Im 35 and met my partner early last year, we have just had a little girl. At no point do I feel ‘too old’ and I feel like she has come at the right time of my life. I couldn’t have given a baby a good life at 27 as I wasn’t in that place

category12 · 14/12/2023 16:17

Kaltenzahn · 14/12/2023 14:42

*This post may or may not have been prompted by a conversation with two well meaning(?) 23 year old coworkers who took me aside at the work Christmas party to say they were worried about me and that, seeing as I'm almost 30, have I considered freezing my eggs?

I'm having a bit of a stress at the moment and just looking for some advice.

I'm 27 with limited relationship history. My previous relationships have been pretty short lived and not overly positive. I've been pretty happily single for just over 2 years now.

All my previous relationships have started at work, which is something I want to avoid this time round. This means I'll probably have to put a conscious effort into dating rather than just letting it happen.

Ideally I want to wait about a year before I start looking at dating again, in that time I'll be in a better place in my job and will hopefully have bought my first home (currently in a crappy flatshare), however I'm now worried that I could be leaving it too late. From what I can see the supply of half decent single men drops off a cliff around late 20s and I reckon I'll be hard pushed to find someone single, without kids and not a massive twat in a few years time. In my social groups/workplace the only single men seem to be early 20s, then there's a massive void until you get to the divorced dads in their 40s. I see a lot of women in their early 30s getting with these men in their 40s but I don't feel ready for that! My last relationship had an age gap and kids involved and it was bloody complicated (and unhealthy on several levels), and not something I'm overly keen to repeat.

Is it worth waiting a year or two until I'm more settled and financially stable? Should I put the work in now or have I already left it too late?

Good lord! You're 27.

These women aren't your friends, for sure.

Reminds me of a bully at school who told me she'd seen me crying walking home and was I alright (a completely made-up scenario by her, but totally threw me).

You have plenty of time for relationships and children.

NightmareGirl · 14/12/2023 17:34

That’s good to know I can wait until I’m 40 to start dating again. I’m sure it will be fine if you take another year. There will be someone the same age as you who’s single.

solice84 · 14/12/2023 17:36

I think these 23 year olds either don't have a fcking clue or they are nasty bullies
You are only 27

Herrera · 14/12/2023 17:39

What? Oh my god were these "well meaning" people drunk? That's outrageous, give it four years when they're your age and call them to see what they're up to!

violetcuriosity · 14/12/2023 17:39

Please don't worry- you are so young and have so much time. I settled young and had my first baby at 25 with the wrong guy. We broke up when I was 28 and I had a few 'fun' years not looking for anything serious and just focusing on me. When I was 32 I reconnected with an old acquaintance and we now have a 10 month old at age 34. You are fine.

Comedycook · 14/12/2023 17:43

Date whenever you're ready but genuinely, I've never heard someone say they need to wait to buy a property or get further in their career before they date. That is really a bizarre concept to me.

Echobelly · 14/12/2023 17:43

You've got the best part of 20 years in which you can quite feasibly have kids, hardly a need to worry. Your co-workers are either idiots, bullies or both.

What is that makes you 'not feel ready to date' by the way? There's no need to do everything by app if that idea doesn't feel comfortable to you.

And on the other hand you don't necessarily need a partner if you want to have kids - you can always get to certain point and decided to go solo, as a few women I know have, and women with ordinary careers, not super wealthy or anything.

Original poster
Kaltenzahn · 14/12/2023 18:45

Herrera · 14/12/2023 17:39

What? Oh my god were these "well meaning" people drunk? That's outrageous, give it four years when they're your age and call them to see what they're up to!

Haha yes they were drunk! They're both very happily engaged and 90% of the time they are lovely but they don't seem to get people who aren't in relationships. I'm the oldest woman in our department and the only single one and there's a bit of a running joke about me being the old spinster of the shift. I guess maybe I took it a bit too seriously last night and need to chill out a bit 😂

OP posts:
PercyPigsInBlankets · 14/12/2023 18:52

You have heaps of time. But that doesn’t mean egg freezing is a stupid idea. If I had known about it at 27, I absolutely would have given some serious thought to egg sharing to get some in the freezer.

Original poster
Kaltenzahn · 14/12/2023 19:01

Comedycook · 14/12/2023 17:43

Date whenever you're ready but genuinely, I've never heard someone say they need to wait to buy a property or get further in their career before they date. That is really a bizarre concept to me.

Yeah fair enough it might be a weird concept but it makes sense in my head! I do have a habit of trying to compartmentalise things which maybe isn't entirely logical.

Work wise I'm currently doing some pretty antisocial hours, and I thought that when my shift pattern changes (and I'm less stressed) everything would be a bit easier. The house thing is probably a bit silly, it's more about moving out of my houseshare and away from my flatmates.

OP posts:
Candleabra · 14/12/2023 19:06

27 is not almost 30! How rude and patronising of them.

Comedycook · 14/12/2023 19:26

At 27 you have plenty of time and there no need to rush if you're not ready. All I will say is beware of waiting until every other aspect of your life is perfect...you may find this approach leads to life passing you by.

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