Husband and hygiene

[MatchBox111]

I am extremely clean. Probably too clean and care too much about germs and cleanliness in most peoples eyes.

my husband is the literal opposite. He works long hours and rarely brushes his teeth before bed. He went out the other day having not brushed his teeth and I was absolutely mortified. I introduced him to floss, and he told me he doesn’t need it and has never used it. I have to buy his toothbrushes, and I am the one buying all the toiletries he/we need. He continues to ‘forget’ to shower. I have to remind him and encourage him.

He leaves snotty and come tissues (sorry I know it’s gross) around. Finds it hilarious when I find them. It literally makes me feel sick.

you would never know by his job and looking at him he is like this. He likes nice clothes, works in a very professional, highflying type role and we live abroad in a major city. He does incredibly well at work. He takes so much pride in how he looks but not in his basic hygiene.

Hes not been to the dentist in so long - he absolutely needs to go to a hygienist. I have told him to book an appointment so many times and he just doesn’t do it.

his mother is the same - I notice she doesn’t shower everyday, even though she exercises daily. She doesn’t brush her teeth at night. His grandma also told me that all the children (he’s got two sisters) hated brushing their teeth when they were growing up and it was a real battle getting them to do it. This is clearly why he is the way he is. I was brought up to bath before bed and brush my teeth and floss.

I have brought up the issue so many times and each time I am told he’ll get better. He does for a few days and then gets bad again. It’s getting to the point where I am sleeping in the spare bedroom. We don’t have sex often - I just can’t right now.

he said he doesn’t think I love him anymore. We’ve been married less than a year and it would need to take a lot for me to leave tbh. As mentioned, we live abroad and I’m on his visa. So it’s a bit more complicated than just leaving as it would mean leaving my home, job, all my stuff etc.

what do I do? I even had the thought that he could perhaps have ADHD or similar?

Did that take years though?

From your descriptions, it sounds as though your horror is more about theoretical hygiene than an actual problem. If he doesn't smell, doesn't have BO etc. why is it such a serious issue for you? OK, he should brush his teeth twice a day ideally, but beyond that, the not-daily shower and occasionally pulling a t-shirt from the laundry basket seem perfectly normal human things. You say that when he comes home and takes his clothes off he can smell 'unwashed', but that isn't unusual either. It's just human.

I don't think it did, I cannot remember really, we had 3 children in quick succession and he just got lumped in with me teaching them ! felt like I had 4 kids sometimes though😅

That does sound like years tbh!

I do really wonder what happens with these posters. I think most probably just put up with it.

What happens when you seriously tell him that it's a turn-off? That sex is off the table?
That you can't see a future with someone with such poor hygiene?

And mean it?

Oh no, taking soiled clothes out of the laundry basket and wearing it is not normal!

To an extent you have a point about theoretical hygiene. I'm unhappy with my DH not using enough soap, but whatever. He doesn't smell and is generally ok.

But someone not brushing their teeth is beyond theoretical. Not showering will make your genitals, arse and pits stink. And it's just ew.

Op, show him the price of dentist treatment for when his teeth and gums are in bad shape. I've been through depression and it's left me with some mild dental issues. I cannot fathom willingly doing that to oneself

And don't shag him until he learns to wash

i don't shower every day - never have. i have a wash by the sink. i cannot imagine forcing myself under water first thing in morning it really makes me shudder thinking about it.

My husband is like this, showers or bathes last thing at night but I can't wake up properly without a shower, I even finish on cold water 😂

But it sounds like he doesn't wash at all on many days.

mum is 85 and can't face a daily shower now but keeps clean with a sink wash on the days she can't face it.

@TomatoSandwiches i think i have sensory problems as many things really send me into a melt down. water on my head is very hard for me to stand in particular

Showering every day isn't a requirement, every other day is sufficient. Teeth cleaning, minimum of every morning I suppose (although, boak! I'm strictly a twice a day person myself)

Tell him, no more sex/kisses till he is cleaner. Don't nag him, just give the ultimatum and if he doesn't do it he needs to know divorce is on the cards.

I can understand that, I've been looking at traditional Japanese tubs for a bathroom renovation, they are nice and deep but sitting room, sounds like something that yould suit you, my husband is interested in one.

I have to buy his toothbrushes, and I am the one buying all the toiletries he/we need. He continues to ‘forget’ to shower. I have to remind him and encourage him

Part of the issue here is that I suspect you found some of this out when you were already financially invested him in.

You're not his mother, and yet here you are, having to remind him to do basic things that most people should learn when they're a teenager.

He doesn’t smell. The house always smells good when he leaves in the morning - he sprays really expensive aftershave, deodorant etc. at least he does that. But in my eyes, it doesn’t make up for the fact that he doesn’t wash as often as he should

YUCK. I bet you he smells - you've just got used to it. I've met such men who pile on the aftershave and deodorant as well, thinking that it masks the smell but all it does is cfreate a sickly, nausea-inducing concoction. A lot of people would be too polite to tell him.

Don't feel bad OP - most women would recoil at all of this, and he fucking knows it. He's just trying to guilt trip you to accept a very low bar.