still think about him every day after all these years....

[ohdearohdear]

A long time ago i got involved with a married man i worked with. i was in a long term realtionship at the time too and got married while the affair was going and off- (horrific , i know - we got divorced years ago) i loved this guy sooo much it hurt & he hurt me unbelievably during our "affair" In the end i moved away from him and even when he came after me saying he knew (finally after lots of dithering!)he wanted to be with me, he'd left his wife, etc, i told him it was too late as i coudn't cope with any more hurt. He still persued me for a few months and in the meantime i became involved with someone else and he gave up (i'm no longer with that person) I wonder each day what might have been and dream about him frequently. I loved him so so much - i tried emailing him a while ago but go no reply so he must have moved on. I've moved on too but still have these thoughts of him - i wonder why??!!

because theres a gap in your life and you are longing for 'good old days' move on find new interesta and accept nothing tastes the same second time aound .......hug

Do you think that there is a gap which you are filling with thoughts of this guy or do you really think that this guy is something very special.

Look inside yourself for the answer and you will know.

If you think the former then try to find something to fill the gap. If you think the latter then track him down so you can find out what might happen.

That's my honest opinion. When I see posts like this there are always people who immediately post and say the past is the past leave it. But I have a different view - most of the past should be left where it was but sometimes there is someone who affects you deeply and you need to finish the business. And it may lead to something, it may not of course.

I can also liken this to employment there is one employer who I would not hesitate to work for again but most of them would not consider.

I do have personal experience of this - had a fling with ex bf from many years ago last year. Was the only ex bf I would consider seeing again. Still had strong feelings after all these years. It has ended badly but god am I glad I went back there.

You decide - you know!!

You mention he 'hurt me unbelievably'. Doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

I agree with citylover some times in life people leave a lasting impression on you. Look inside yourself & if its what you want look for him. But also be prepared to be hurt again.
xx

also agree with citylover, I think about one ex alot - even more so when dh is being an arse...for me my ex will always be my soulmate and the one that got away.. didnt work due to both living in dift countries

with dh it is so hard so often, he is a pretty complex character, with the ex it always so simple and felt right..

I did try and track him down, wbut i dont know where he is..

i agree with citylover..you only have one life, you dont want to be sitting in an old peoples home one day with lots of 'if onlys' in your head

Did you and this guy ever deal with practical day to day life stuff together or was it mostly about secret sweaty sex?!

It sounds like you should make more of an effort to track him and down and find out how and where he is now. And meeting him and seeing him might make you realise how your feelings have changed and that you've moved on. Or perhaps not.

But is this a relationship that would actually work in the real world...?

no , never did anyday to day life things to gether - all secret meetings, etc. Surely it would be really bad of me to make a huge effort to track him down as i'm married to someone else....

ohdearohdear, i think if you do resume things, it would be better if it 'just happened' rather than you tracking him down. that way you don't have to feel like you're the one forcing things. my dp and i got together after losing touch for 6 years. It took me a long time to realise that the idealised version of him and our relationship thta i''d been dreaming about for so long was just that. The grit and hard work and tears are going to happen if you have a 'real' relationship. it won't be anything like you imagine. then again it might be better than you imagine.

I had an experience where I thought i was in love with this guy, put this guy on a pedestal, he moved to America. Around ten years later we had a fling and I am glad as he had completely changed and it really got it out of my system so maybe that is what you need.