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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Estranged from parents/ family

7 replies

Mama0916 · 14/12/2023 06:42

Hi does anyone have any advice not to give headspace to the situation.

Tbh during the day I don’t give any of it a second thought it’s more if I wake up in the early hours etc .
Long story short is I very recently ( last 6 months ) went no contact with parents due to various reasons. Also not a great childhood, dad was violent to my brother for years he is now in 40s and lives with them , mum let it happen she is also toxic how’s she has been with me and my children over the years . Finally had enough when she puts a dangerous dog above her grandchildren I feel good and happy about no contact .
However it’s in the early hours I relive painful childhood memories like my dad saying to me when 16 I’m not too old for a slap etc basically threatening and violent behaviour, also used to hit and kick my brother call him dead meat etc , my brother clearly had mental health issues kicked him in back when sat on sofa next to my dad and brother was sat on floor early 20s . I left home at 17 but stupidly kept relationship going until recently. As far as I know pretty much not long after I moved out violence stopped and over the years brother obviously forgave them. I don’t want my two children ever feeling that way and they’re so precious to me I can’t understand how my parents were so awful over the years. I even remember being told off by my mother as a sick child maybe 8 or so I was sick in bed and she was awful to me saying I should of made it to the toilet etc .
my kids are my world and I can’t imagine treating them so bad . Just want advice whether my thoughts will eventually go or am I stuck with these memories forever I am now mid 30 s. And have a lovely partner and two children. Thanks for listening

OP posts:
Swishyfishy · 14/12/2023 06:46

Have you had therapy?

Donedonedone36 · 14/12/2023 06:48

Keep no contact.

from what you say, you’re happier without them in your life. Nothing you should feel guilty about!

also have you ever had any therapy ??

Mama0916 · 14/12/2023 06:52

No I’ve never spoke to anyone about it , with therapy is that through nhs or private ? Do you think it would help me as I’ve said I only think about it when I can’t sleep . Also I noticed I never really thought about it until really the last year or so , so when building up to no contact and now the no contact has happened. Thank you so much for listening

OP posts:
cerisepanther73 · 14/12/2023 06:55

@Swishyfishy

You beat me to it,

I was about to say the same thing as you,

there's so many types of Therapies out there,
not just talking therapies too.

Do a bit of research 🤔 on what kinds of therapies are out there,
then which kinds of therapies are you drawn to and why ect.

I can totally relate how a real crap childhood can have such incideous psychologically ect effects onself.

i hear @Mama0916

cerisepanther73 · 14/12/2023 06:58

@Mama0916

Also mumsnet "Stately homes " section would resonate with yourself too.

Mama0916 · 14/12/2023 07:10

cerisepanther73 · 14/12/2023 06:58

@Mama0916

Also mumsnet "Stately homes " section would resonate with yourself too.

Thanks I’ll take a look. Also in the new year I’ll look into therapy .

OP posts:
cerisepanther73 · 14/12/2023 15:55

@Mama0916

There's counselling therapy that can be free and also privately pay for,

obviously with free therapy there's a waiting list with that too,
where i live waiting to have free counselling therapy wasn't long susprisling..

i am not sure about the other types of therapies out there too
so many of them,
in regards of waiting list,

i suspose i amagine the main factors are your post code , whereabout nearest therapies practice are for you and whether you can afford to go private or need to to go onto the waiting list for free counselling waiting list,
for example ect?

P.s Just wondering 🤔 does anybody,
know if there is such a thing anymore,

as sliding scale ⚖️ of how much therapies practioners can charge for certain therapies out there?

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