Reaching out to see if I can get some advice on how to currently handle a delicate situation with my Partners 21 Year Old Son.
Quick background, I have been together with my partner for 4 years now, we are engaged and have built a home together (I am 44 and he is 46).
He was the sole carer of his son from pretty much child birth, he has done a fantastic job at raising his son and provided the best that he could, his Son has never gone without. However, his Son has always been troubled and has been in and out of trouble since he hit the 14 year old mark, he stopped going to school and actually never finished, didn't like his Dad's rules etc etc. He has been in trouble with the law and spent time in Juvenile Prison as well.
When I met my partner (his son was 17 by that stage and not going to school or working), he was very upfront on his Son's behaviour, so I knew what I was taking on. My partner eventually made the decision to move down where I was living and he gave his Son a choice on cleaning himself up, going back to school or at least attempt getting a job, however his Son wasn't interested in doing any of this, so he moved out of his Dad's care. I haven't formed a great relationship with his Son, as whenever he comes to stay with us, he spends the whole time in his room in bed asleep, or everything is on his terms and we are having to pick him up and drop him off (doesn't have his licence).
During the time of our relationship, I have watched his Son completely disrespect his father over and over again. He has been working on and off, but he eventually loses his job due to not turning up to work, or not going to work because he might have other things to do. He did eventually get a job FIFO and I think we were both thinking that this was the best thing to happen, that he might start to get his life on track. We have a rental property that was coming up for lease renewal, so my partner made the decision to let his Son move in, he was making good money and could afford the rent and we stipulated the normal rental terms, we even had a legal rental agreement signed and in place. His son lived there for about 8 months.
During this time he had a mate move in as well, without us knowing, this mate than had his girlfriend move in, again, without us knowing. His Son paid only about 2 months worth of rent throughout this period. My partner kept threatening to have them kicked out if rent wasn't paid, but these were empty threats because he never followed through. But it came to the last straw when my partner went up and visited the house, his heart broke on what he discovered. The house was trashed, complete disregard to his Father. So he and his mate had two weeks to move out of the place.
My partner also works FIFO (3 weeks on and 1 week off). So when his Son moved out, my sister and I had to spend the next three weekends cleaning the house. It was BEYOND disgusting, I won't go into detail, but having to do this, without an apology from his Son, or even offering to help, has completely severed my want or desire to have any relationship with his son. This all occurred about 3 months ago.
My partner was beyond furious with the whole situation and let his son know about this.
Now forward to yesterday, when his son messaged asking to come and spend Christmas with us.
I 100% do not even want to see his son, let along spend Christmas time with him (which will be all on his terms, because he can't drive), we live two hours away form him.
My partner has asked what did I want to do about this. But how do I tell him, that his only Son isn't invited to your Christmas Day, I couldn't possibly. But the thought of him being around our Christmas and my family (who are all very disappointed in the whole situation) fills me with anxiety and I am now not looking forward to our Christmas at all. I don't' want to sound selfish, but his son has put us through so much stress, he now feels he can just walk back in like nothing has happened and my partner is letting him.
What do I do!!