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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Abuse

33 replies

Fatherofan18 · 13/12/2023 22:29

So. How do I handle this. My partner and I were at a wedding last weekend. She got very drunk and really abusive towards me. I did shout some horrible things back in anger after her telling she was going to sleep with another guy tonight, she hates and is only with me for money. This ended with her punching me in the face several times leaving me with a nasty black eye, swollen cheek and possibly fractured jaw. The next day she came down stairs crying saying she has no idea what happened and knows she did something awful, when she saw my face she was really really upset. She’s an ex pro boxer so it did hurt quite a bit. Shes been so nice since, I guess I am wondering what people’s thoughts are. She has told me she doesn’t why she says she doesn’t love me cos she does and seems to be devastated she did it. Not sure if she actually is or if it is for my benefit. I’ve had to lie to family, friends and colleagues as I’m ashamed she did it to me, and she didn’t want people to know it was her which I suppose I understand. She has been verbally horrible a few times before. But never physically. What are people’s thoughts and how do I deal with it going forward

OP posts:
Ohnanawhatsyourname · 14/12/2023 09:09

God that’s pretty terrifying to read!! Please leave, regardless of you being a rugby bloke she was really violent. With her fists is absolutely awful, next time it could be with a knife (this happened to a co-worker). What if you had kids with her, would they ever be really safe? You might feel like you can take it (why would you?!??) but your self esteem and relationship will turn to dust anyway. Keep your head high and leave now with self respect intact.

ChristmasTreeStar · 14/12/2023 09:18

Fatherofan18 · 14/12/2023 07:00

I hear what everyone is saying. I
honestly don’t need to go to a dr, I’m played professional rugby, I know what a small fracture feels like, and know when something can be done about it, last time I fractured my jaw, i just had to
leave it to sort it self.
we’ve been together nearly 2 years and nothing like it has ever happened before, the only reason she’s not had a drink in the last 6 months, is purely down to us both being too busy to have a night out but before that we’ve been
out many times, she’s never been this drunk and never forgets what happened the night before. It’s not impossible her drink was spiked as there were drugs around on the night, neither of us partake in it. I don’t think involving the police is a good idea

Its also to log it as evidence if needed in the future. Go and talk to a professional who will be able to signpost you to help. Stop minimising this. This is so so bad. Please get some help here and get out. Do you have children?

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 14/12/2023 09:25

She's been 'verbally horrible' before. Now she's escalated to physically violent. Next time might be a weapon and not a fist. Report it and get out. And get checked at A&E.

Avatartar · 14/12/2023 09:36

Is it possible she’s on steroids or something that could be reacting with the alcohol?
either way you need to be thinking about how to leave the relationship

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/12/2023 09:40

"I’m hoping it’s a 1 off"

It is already not and will not be. She has further escalated her violence against you (it started with verbal abuse)to physical and in public too. It is highly likely she grew up in a violent and otherwise abusive household; another red flag staring you in the face.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. That truism also and equally applies to men. Men can be abused too and all your words are those of a person on the receiving end of abuse.

You may be a tough rugby player but abuse is no respecter of persons nor sex and you are in an abusive relationship. For your own sake the relationship needs to end and now. You are at high risk of being further harmed in her presence.

Please contact ManKind as detailed below

ManKind Initiative - Supporting Male Victims of Domestic Abuse

ManKind Initiative

Charity supporting male victims of domestic abuse through a helpline, directory of local services and general information on the website.

https://mankind.org.uk/

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/12/2023 09:46

"Not sure if she actually is or if it is for my benefit. I’ve had to lie to family, friends and colleagues as I’m ashamed she did it to me, and she didn’t want people to know it was her which I suppose I understand".

The responsibility for her violence against you both verbal and physical here is all on her. Your sense of shame is completely misplaced. She should not be in a relationship, she is that unsafe to be around and she will lash out against you again. I would be writing the same if this was male on female domestic abuse.

Abuse is NOT a relationship issue either. Its about power and control and she wants absolute here.

Abuse thrives on secrecy, please stop lying to people as well as yourself by otherwise minimising what she is doing to you here again out of shame and potential embarrassment. You have nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of or otherwise feel embarrassed about. Do contact ManKind as detailed above, they can and will help you.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 14/12/2023 09:48

*"I’m hoping it’s a 1 off"

It is already not and will not be*

OP, there's a thread on here about a woman who was strangled by their partner. Each time they hoped it wouldn't happen again, as well.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 14/12/2023 09:49

Ad listen to @AttilaTheMeerkat who speaks wise words

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