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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why do humans bully each other?

19 replies

PopNotPolitics · 13/12/2023 17:36

I have autism and ADHD. I've been bullied pretty much my entire life, and I'm starting to unpack what it is I'm doing that attracts bullies.

I'm also curious in what causes children and adults to bully others? Is it always social factors or is there something biological to it too? After all, other animals bully each other as well, surely?

Any insights appreciated. Smile

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2023 17:39

A little from column a and a little from column b I think.

We're basically wild animals wearing a mask of civilisation and our true nature is never very far from the surface.

CrunchyCarrot · 13/12/2023 17:39

I think those of us who are bullied come across as different from our peers in some way, or maybe appear vulnerable. I was bullied at secondary school, I just didn't fit in as girls got older and were into boys and so on, I was a very late developer! Also I do think bullies like to have that control over someone. Even now I would not want to meet any of the women who bullied me back then.

RedToothBrush · 13/12/2023 17:41

Status and survival. Power and greed. Insecurity so putting others down to make yourself feel better.

Ladolcevita233 · 13/12/2023 18:25

We share, 98% is it, DNA with chimps and a little bit of bonobo in in there too.

As a poster above said, theres a lot of it about hierarchy, status, power.

Which are linked to resources and protection I suppose.

Mostly when I see kids and adults bully - they are trying to appear superior and strong. They're trying to raise their status.

Sometimes they're trying to stay "in" with the apparently strong person or people in a group.

Presumably because the "be on the right side (not morally right side) game" led to survival or non survival.

Burntouted · 13/12/2023 18:47

It's just our nature to disarm, dismantle, gain control, gain respect, inflate egos, gain hierarchy, etc...perhaps take down those who individually poses some sort of "threat" to us. . and those we see as competition.

Human beings are literally animals and part of the animal species and kingdom.

All animals mimick each other to some degree and survive in similar ways.

This among other ways that some people view as terrible and cutthroat is how we survive.

This is a survivalist world and life that we as creatures have to endure and participate until the end of our days.

Also. . We do so because we're created and allowed to do these things.

It has been like this since the beginning and close to it.

The 'meek' do not inherit nor rule this world. Only alphas.

lljkk · 13/12/2023 19:40

Why would people with autism or adhd be incapable of being bullying themselves? I can't think of any reason why that would be true.

Humans are competitive. People with adhd or autism can be very competitive, too.

bawbells · 14/12/2023 10:21

Pack/tribal mentality. If you stand out from the pack (and you will, because of ADHD and autism) then you are much more likely to get bullied. A lot of people with the pack mentality really do not like 'difference'. Ultimately, it stems from their fear of change and challenge.
Ignore these sheep and seek out more advanced individuals.

Mysticguru · 14/12/2023 11:58

Fear!! Your True nature is love.

SilenceIsComplicity · 14/12/2023 12:29

You'll tie yourself in knots trying to understand why people do the things they do. The more useful thing to do is to look at ways you can learn to protect yourself.

Missingmyusername · 14/12/2023 12:47

To deflect from themselves. If you bully, there’s less chance of you becoming bullied perhaps.

We had two school bullies, both girls, both grew older to be very unattractive and not very bright or popular. They also weren’t very clean.

One of them turned up to school one day with a huge scar across her face, knife related. She was then bullied herself. She wouldn’t engage with us at all and left school not long after.
Sad state of affairs.

FancyBottom · 14/12/2023 19:16

I'm sorry you were bullied that's awful and inexcusable.
You ask if there is something biological, well I have been bullied by 3 girls with diagnosed autism. My DD was at primary with a girl who had diagnosed autism and who was a bully. Maybe bullies brains are different with regards to empathy? I believe that early childhood traumas and abuse can also shape our brain which we know continues to develop til mid twenties. Maybe their brains are wired differently, unlike empathic people.

PopNotPolitics · 14/12/2023 19:41

Sorry, to be clear, I wasn't meaning to imply that autistic/ ADHD people couldn't be bullies themselves. I was just talking about my own experience as to why I've been bullied.

OP posts:
swimminglysad · 14/12/2023 19:44

Hurt people hurt people.
Generations of trauma, carrying on the cycles of abuse.

shininglight16 · 14/12/2023 19:55

Bullied badly too following this thread to understand why people bully. I can't hurt anyone, I just can't. My conscience won't allow it.

Noicant · 14/12/2023 20:27

Power over others, makes people feel powerful.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/12/2023 20:34

Is it always social factors or is there something biological to it too?

Yes. Social factors are biological factors. One of the reasons public speaking is such a trigger for anxiety is thought to be because rejection evolutionarily means death. You get excluded in hunter-gatherer tribes, you'd be dead in months at the most.

We socially exclude because difference is dangerous. Social cohesion is essential. Reciprocal altruism is innate. But not actual altruism.

yorkshireshire · 14/12/2023 22:58

the first step in bullying is identifying a person to exclude.
This happens everywhere as a form of bonding. In any group of people it happens.
Think of places you have worked. There will always be one person that the bulk of people complain about and slag off together. Its a human way of saying Im like you because we both dislike this same person. Often that person will be the boss or a manager because its easy. sometimes it will be the new person. sometimes it will be the thin glamourous one in the group of ones that arent in other groups it will be the overweight dowdy one in the group that arent.

Its a bonding them vs us thing.

I expect that bullying is the next level up. why god knows. power and control probably.

threecupsofteaminimum · 14/12/2023 23:01

Following with interest.

rosyglowcondition · 15/12/2023 12:50

Some individuals are underlying insecure and inadequate, some from their early years experiences and some personality issues. Bullying others gives them back a sense of control and bullying is controlling other people. Some less damaged individuals but lacking a very strong sense of their own being, follow the lead of the bully because not to do so would single them out for bullying.

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