Hi everyone I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. I am not a regular drinker, but I went out and got absolutely blackout drunk on new medication, no food and can't remember 3 hours of time. I completely accept that this was my fault and take full responsibility for being stupid.
I got told the next morning after that kissed my friend - I told my partner the minute I found out. I feel awful, numb and horrible and not sure what to do. He says he forgives me and we're still together but the pain and guilt is eating away at me. I've contacted a therapist but this takes time.
I love my partner more than anything I would never even think of doing this EVER. how do I get over this and be myself again? I've stopped drinking entirely. I have 0 recollection of these few hours I don't even know how I got to the bar, I've blacked out before years ago in my teens but never this bad - which is definitely my own fault and should have been more careful on my medication.
Then I decided to ask the guy to give me a timeline as he was considerably less drunk than I.
He said we "sort of flirted" which I don't remember - in fact I remember talking about a video game and gym stuff for a while. and then he admitted he was the one who kissed me. I think I was in quite a state so visibly I would have been quite clumsy (only guessing here as this is how drunk me might act, but this was a complete blackout). He said we kissed again outside after talking to someone on the street, again no recollection. My partner is more forgiving now knowing how drunk I was and that this guy made the move on me but I still feel so awful about myself that I got that drunk.
Please any advice is so appreciated, I know I fucked up but I can't help feel I was in an absolute state and I know I'm not looking to leave my partner at all as we want to get married and I'm struggling to forgive myself.