Teach me patience please

[HaventSleptForAYear]

My mother (kindly) recently pointed out that I'm not the most patient of people and I think this is going to cause serious trouble when I have to spend a whole weekend with my annoying SIL next week.

Some of you have to deal with REALLY annoying people/family on a daily basis, what are your top tips for keeping cool and not losing it?

Don't see SIL that often so shouldn't be an issue but I had a bit of a go at her at New Year because of her annoying behaviour with her PFB aged 1 and now I know I've got to be on best behaviour all Easter w/e to avoid major family feud.

Help me please

ooh you are demanding . You haven't given us long to teach you, have you?

That's me - impatient !

you have to rise above it

remember your own pfb behaviour (we've all been there)

and store up all amusing anecdotes for when you can come back here and tell everyone

(and learn to count to ten in your head before you engage your gob - I've been trying to do that since I was about 10 and I'm not sure I've fully mastered it yet)

Don't take your SIL's behaviuos personally, don't let what she does annoy you, even if it means just walking away.

Accept that there is nothing you can do to change her behaviour, but you can change your reaction to it, by not letting it get to you.

Laugh inside when you start to feel wound up. I find that helps a lot.

Drink lots of wine. (Note, this is essential)

Say "chill, maaaaan" when others are getting wound up or stressed (warning: this bugs the hell out of most people and only makes them more wound up- but I'm cruel )

ok will try. Will keep envisaging the boring thread I will start with said anecdotes.

She already got me wound up on the phone yesterday comparing my DS2 and her PFB DD.

"What, DS only wears 18mth size clothes, my DD is ALREADY in age 2" emphasis on the ALREADY. That's because she's fat and is still not mobile at a year.

Will stop now and go to bed and think calming thoughts - might need to count to ten in several languages....

You think wine is a good idea? Think it might make me speak my mind too easily ! Was thinking I ought to lay off it (sounds like I'm a boozer, not I promise, still bf DS2 so not much chance of going too overboard).

Waiting for the BF comments from her too....

Hmm in that case maybe wine isn't so good. I find it chills me somewhat so I get less stressed about things, but I haven't had to deal with compatative parenting like that before!

One thing that works for me is to try to imagine/pretend that the person speaking isn't trying to show off/wind me up/be rude but is actually doing their best to be friendly (but not very well!)

Sometimes this can be a bit of a joke - trying to think of a way in which a comment could possibly be meant nicely. At other times it can help me realise that maybe they really aren't being that bad they just have an unfortunate way of putting things.

Of course you could just treat it as a game - although i am sure she is not doing it to wind you up.

Try pointing out all the good things about her pfb before she does - that will stump her a bit. "oh look how clever your dd is she is already doing XYZ - you must be so proud, what a fantastic parent you are blah blah blah..." Sort of take the wind out of her sail first.

I always tell my children that truely happy people dont have to compete or put others down in anyway because they are so happy with themselves that they have no time to be annoyed with anything.

Good luck - if you do have the odd slip and make a cutting comment dont worry you are only human.

Best bit of advice I have had, from another very wise mumsnetter (TFM, my thanks!), was to sing Ba Ba Black Sheep in your head every time you feel the need to say something.

loving HW's advice about pipping her to the post wrt PFB achievements.

Or you could just make that teeth drying noise every time she says something ridiculously competitive and say "Mmm, see, that would worry me. You're being very calm about it though, I admire that."

then refuse to be drawn on it.

It's an evil thing to do but some people deserve it.

Like HW's suggestions too. Might used them for other situation, but worried here that's going to prolong all the comparing (her DD and DS2 are similar age).

Endless vital statistics being exchanged...

The MOST annoying game she plays is to suggest I'm a really pushy mum (really I'm not, promise!) because DS is walking or doing things for himself (her DD is not).

She just keeps saying "I'm so lucky I can make the most of DD being a baby because I'm not in any HURRY [like some people she could mention] to push him to grow up too fast".

Will try millie's advice too, gonna take some imagination I fancy !

Like HW's suggestions too. Might used them for other situation, but worried here that's going to prolong all the comparing (her DD and DS2 are similar age).

Endless vital statistics being exchanged...

The MOST annoying game she plays is to suggest I'm a really pushy mum (really I'm not, promise!) because DS is walking or doing things for himself (her DD is not).

She just keeps saying "I'm so lucky I can make the most of DD being a baby because I'm not in any HURRY [like some people she could mention] to push him to grow up too fast".

Will try millie's advice too, gonna take some imagination I fancy !

Sorry

Sounds like a prize idiot. You can spend the whole time feeling pleased as punch that you're nothing like her.

Not much time get on to Amazon now and order "Dealing with Relatives" written by the authors of the wonderful "Dealing with people you can't stand" some great tips on how to deal with particularly annoying souls.

You could try "nicing" her. Sometimes if someone is particularly annoying I smile a lot and nod a lot and agree vehemently with anything they say, if they aren't used to this response, then it confuses the heck out of them.

Ok - will try going with "being the nicer person" and trying to feel pleased with myself for doing it.

Don't think Amazon would deliver in time but will see how this weekend goes and then possibly order it (to deal with my Dad instead !).

Am telling myself this will be good for me as a person, transferable skill and all that !

she sounds bit insecure really
rookiemaster i do that too if someone is annoying me i try to be uber nice and smiley

and then have great bitch fest later about it all...always helps!!