I think I kissed someone else

[JinxedJenny]

I recently went to a Christmas party. During the course of the evening I drank far too much alcohol...I have an awful feeling I whilst dancing one of my colleagues kissed me and I have a black spot but I think I kissed him back at first!! I then remember pushing him off me the rest of the evening and telling him I have a partner (which he knows)! I immediately told my partner the following day, I also told him there was a possibility I could of kissed this guy st first but I don't remember. I know my partner is far from a jealous man but was shocked at his response. He laughed, just said so what if you did, you were drunk it's far from the worst thing you could do in that state, it was a meaningless drunken kiss and he is comfortable enough in our relationship to know it was nothing more than that....yet I still can't shake this feeling of guilt and feel bad. I will not be drinking that stupidly again.

I’d be more concerned why your partner is so okay with it! What is he up to if you kissing someone else is deemed as funny and nothing?!

Yeah absolutely this.

If I said this to my DP he would be utterly furious, demand to know the man's name, and quite possibly dump me.

If my partner described this exactly as you did, I wouldn’t think it was a big deal either.

Meh, I don't necessarily agree with the replies so far. If you're happy together and this isn't something that's happened before, and you're honestly mortified, his reaction to me is that of someone secure in the relationship.

I mean look, I wouldn't be amused if my partner snogged someone else but in this case it was obviously a very rare and very tipsy office party snog. Big deal. Blame the mistletoe.

I get why you feel guilty but really I agree with your partner.

He's a keeper.

OP - you are not even sure what happened.

It's great your partner is secure in your relationship and not irrationally jealous. It's a sign of maturity, not some alarm bell.
It sounds like you have a good relationship and he knows you well enough to know you are not the cheating type.
The fact that you came clean about something that might or might have not happened - and clearly feel bad about it - speaks volumes.

Next time - don't drink to the point of not remembering what happens, maybe?

It was a kiss, not 2 days in bed together. Your partner is being pragmatic. Draw the curtains on the episode and move on.

Remember too that over consumption can increase the possibility of attack and assault.

OTT jealousy and rage is not a healthy response.

Not sure why OP's partner being secure and proportionate in his response is concerning. More like she's found a good one who doesn't turn drunken idiocy (about which she fessed up and is appropriately regretful) into anything it's not.

You’ve told your partner and he’s not bothered so that could be the end of it.

I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself though. To have pushed this man off, told him you have a partner and been able to continue with the evening, you weren’t that drunk, so why did you kiss him back? I would question what my partner was up to for him to be so not bothered immediately.

Its your relationship though so only you know.

Good on your OH! He could probably see how shit you felt and made light of it. Much prefer that to some over the top reaction. You were drunk, didn’t mean it, he’s happy, let it go and lay of that last glass in future!

I did this 7 years ago - got hammered and kissed a guy.
I told DH the next day.
He was furious with me, but could see how devastated I was. I was abroad with work and I think he was genuinely worried about my mental health as I was so upset. Part of it was feeling so ashamed for putting myself in such a vulnerable position - I didn't remember getting home. I had to find each bit of clothing on the floor of my room to confirm that - yes, I came home fully dressed.
I said are you going to divorce me and DH said 'no obviously not, don't be silly'.
I'd worry if he totally laughed the whole thing off though. It would suggest he feels he could get up to god knows what on a night out and it's just a bit of fun.

You can't undo the past. You've been immediately honest. Your partner is Ok with it. So the best thing you can do, for both your sakes, is move on. If you let this stay around you could end up spoiling your relationship.

If I were you, I'd be more careful about drinking - avoid having so much that you kiss people who aren't your partner!

I'd also be a little bit concerned that your OH is so chill about it. Does he think kissing other people isn't a big deal, and if so does that mean he's done it? You know him though - if he's generally a chilled, rational and reasonable person, then I wouldn't worry.

Perhaps your partner is giving you a pass because he knows some people become a different person when they are drunk and also what else can he say about the situation to make you feel worse? I would be internally devastated if DH did this but I care about DH's wellbeing over my ego, so I can imagine if DH was absolutely mortified and beating himself up about it I just couldn't add to it? Perhaps that is why your DP has reacted this way, he knows you well and that emotionally you will put yourself through the mill about it.

This is exactly why I stopped drinking btw. I didn't kiss anyone else but I turn into an absolute arsehole when I am drunk and in my head I blow things out of proportion, misunderstand things and I am generally just not me - in my forties I'd just had enough of feeling shite about it.

He knows the guy, my partner isn't a drinker and doesn't go anywhere without me. I know he isn't being ok because he has been unfaithful.

In my experience, partners tend to judge you by their own standards. The most jealous men who accuse their partners of cheating are often cheating themselves. His response says to me that he doesn't plan to cheat so doesn't expect that you are either. He's definitely a keeper x

He he one of the most chilled, rational and logical people I know

He said he knows I am beating myself up enough

@Pinkbonbon

Blame the mistletoe.

I'd be enclosing a sprig of that with the divorce papers. Clearly attitudes vary.

It's fine because you were honest. I'm sure he'd react if he'd found out from someone else as he'd wonder what else was being hidden, but the fact you've been so honest without "having" to tell him and are clearly embarrassed means he's got nothing to worry about.

I think the title of this thread could fit a song, I think I kissed a girl and I might have liked it but maybe it's too long to be catchy?

I'd be 'If there were tongues I'm off to the solicitors!'.