Will it get any better

[redhead19]

I'm not really sure why I'm posting on here and please delete if this is not allowed admin, but I'm not sure where else to turn.
I have been really struggling with my mental health for the past 5 years since I divorced from my wife. We were together from the age of 18 to 26 and married for 2 years (I'm now 30)

The divorce was down to a couple of factors, she didn't like me seeing my family & friends, I went 3 years without seeing most of them and I think towards the end I started to resent her, and because of this I seemed distant and may have not shown the amount of affection as I did before (She bought this up with me several times) Unfortunately things didn't change and she ended up getting close with a guy at work whose shoulder she was crying on. In short, when I found out, I was angry and devastated and said things between us wouldn't get better if he was still involved, anyway, this pushed her further away and she ended up issuing divorce papers and living with this other guy, I'll admit I did some stupid things during this time which pushed her even further away, but I felt like I was losing my whole life because she didn't like me seeing friends or family so I had no one else. To the point where I tried to overdose which as you can tell didn't work as I'm here writing this.

Fast forward 4 years, she split up with the other guy after a year or so and had been in and out of other relationships, we met up a handful of times and tried things again, but I couldn't get past the fact I couldn't trust her. Over the years, I dated a few people, but after 3 months my feelings always fizzled out and I'd always be reminiscing over the relationship I had with my ex. I'm not sure I ever got over the pain from the divorce if I'm honest as it was 2 years of hell.

Over the last year I've been doing relatively OK, I've got a good job and bought a house and car I have always wanted, but in the back of my mind always thought someone was missing, and I'll be honest, I still thought of her all the time which is why other relationships have always failed.

I don't know why, but I checked her Instagram last week (turns out I'm blocked) but could still see her profile picture, and it's a photo of her with a baby bump. My heart sank completely, I felt devastated and have since that day I saw it. It's on my mind every minute of every day and can't seem to forget and because of this, I have been having the same thoughts as I did when I tried to overdose before.

I have reached out to my GP and arranged counseling etc which I have hopefully booked for next week. I guess my question after all of this is to find out if anyone had been through similar and how they coped and if counseling helped. I just don't see how I can move past this and move on with my life and be happy with someone so I'm really hoping counseling will work as I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with all this pain

Sorry to post this here if it's not allowed

I’m so sorry you’re struggling @redhead19. I think it’s pretty common for grief to be retriggered when we’re reminded of our exes.

I posted here a little while ago because I was struggling to move on after receiving a letter from my ex. I’m happy to say that I’ve started moving on again and feel like I’m back on track to getting over it even though I was convinced I would never get over it just a short time ago. In hindsight, I hadn’t dealt with it properly at the time and I needed a ‘second round’ to really understand everything.

In your situation, realising that she’s pregnant will bring up feeling about what could have been. It’s also tempting to paint a rosy picture of how things must be for them and compare ourselves unfavourably.

It’s only been a week since you found out so of course it will hurt. Use it as an opportunity to work out what is bothering you particularly and why (what it’s telling you about yourself and your situation). Some therapy could be really helpful in this process (I’m currently in therapy myself and finding it really helpful). Keep in mind that feelings pass, and so shall this. I hope the feelings pass quickly for you and you find yourself in a better place very soon x

Thank you so much for your reply. I've had ups and downs this week, but slowly getting there and hopefully, with some help, I'll get to where I'd like to be.

I'm so glad to hear you managed to understand everything and move on with your life. I think I have had the same problem, for the last 5 years I have just kept busy with work, etc, and not processed my feelings, I just seem to deflect them. I guess it doesn't help that I've never actually spoken to anyone about how I feel or even what I have been through, so I'm hoping that therapy will help me step back and process things.

I guess how I see it is that having a baby solidifies the fact that she has moved on. I guess in the back of my mind I was always hoping that there may be a way back for us even after a few years, and this just sort of cements that it won't happen which I'm struggling to process.

I'm happy to hear therapy is working for you, I'm hoping it'll work for me too. Going to be strange actually talking about it, but I've got to take that first step. Even posting on this forum I found a struggle to do, so I really appreciate your reply and sharing your story x