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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Emotional affair bf 58. !!

14 replies

jolajo · 12/12/2023 00:50

I recently found a conversation between my bf , I'm 55 and a female 55 friend of his.
He instigated the flirts saying she was a HARD BODIED HOT BLONDE !! I was only told I looked nice!

We are a LDR USA/UK I have flown out twice this year for a month at a time and we video chatted every day. These chats ran for a week before he visited me in sept for 7 weeks!
The context was her mentioning me and he said I was ok for now and the distance could be a problem? He said at 58 there are many HARD issues unless she is a HOT BLONDE , she said he was still a Hunk, he offered to take her for dinner and to show her his house! Arrangement s were made but she cancelled. She said she was concerned about losing him? and he said I'll be back, I promise. There were more but you get the jist..
For 6 of the 7 weeks up until I found them we never stopped, touring the UK, a 10 day cruise were he was the one suggested we go to Venice afterwards, did the gondaleer! everything was perfect. (It was exhausting for me though guiding him everywhere as he has limited vision ) Meanwhile she's liking and commenting on his posts.

When I confronted him he was so calm and composed and matter of fact that they were just WORDS, to get an eye roll and cheer her up, nothing would ever of happened, he loved me and was my ring he wore blah blah.
I composed myself after being hysterical and decided would make the best out of the last week. I no I should of sent him packing!! Heart ruled my head. I brought up tearfully a couple of times and he gave the same reasons and said to move forward we have to leave it in the past!
He returned home and she carried on commenting and ♥️ his posts. When I said it upset me he said She's just a friend. Didn't delete her?

I have a flight booked n paid for this February to go for a month again should I call it a day ? Think I no the answer but.....

OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 12/12/2023 01:09

You got yourself a man with his hand firmly caught in the sweetie jar on the prowl for the next muse to massage his ego. At his age, he won't change. Throw in the distance between you, and this turns into a certain recipe to leave you feeling paranoid, upset and disappointed. You have done nothing wrong, but I would spare yourself the financial burden of funding another trip to see a man who is a lost cause for a long term future. He is not even willing to accept your emotional response to his 'friendship' and there maybe other women too. You only know about snapshots of his life that he allows you to, because of the miles between you. Apart from this woman, what else is he getting up to in his community or online? I wouldn't reserve headspace to dwell on that. Life is too short for this nonsense. He is wanting everything on his terms. Leave him and you will sleep better at night.

jolajo · 12/12/2023 01:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Epidote · 12/12/2023 10:20

OP, you look lovely and even if you didn't he is playing in two fields at the same time.

Can you make your trip in February with someone else, a friend may be a good idea if they can join you?
Can you get the money back for the tickets?

I would be tempted to go on my own but I don't like travelling solo.

I'm sure you don't need that hassle in your life. Make the most of it and call it the last day with that chancer.

Opentooffers · 12/12/2023 11:35

You are still making questionable choices. Why long distance? It's not necessary and a lot of men like it that way for a reason ( so they can do whatever in their own time without getting caught). Also, putting your picture up on a forum - nice though it is, I suggest you ask for it to be taken down.
Be less vulnerable, think of your security.

Original poster
jolajo · 12/12/2023 15:08

I am looking into flight changes yes . Feel like a rug has been pulled from under my feet. One minute happy as Larry , next gone. I'll be fine in time 💞

OP posts:
Original poster
jolajo · 12/12/2023 15:11

Thank you and yes I can be a bit spontaneous then regret it afterwards 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
jolajo · 12/12/2023 15:26

We met threw family, they are shocked with his behaviour . He ticks a lot of box's for a covert narcissist. I no I've had a lucky escape as I'd considered moving there!

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 12/12/2023 15:45

You are an extremely nice looking mature woman OP- please don't put up with this. He is just seeking entertainment and a fun time- maybe enjoys travelling etc and having company.

I'm sure he likes you a lot but not enough to not be a sleazeball

monsteramunch · 12/12/2023 15:57

Hi OP I hope you don't mind but I've asked Mumsnet to check if you're sure you'd like your photo on this thread as it obviously means you're completely identifiable so might be something you did without thinking - if so I'm sure they can take it down for you.

Growlybear83 · 12/12/2023 17:30

I thought it was a photo of Sarah Ferguson! 😆😆

Original poster
jolajo · 12/12/2023 19:17

Not at all thank you, I've been looking how to contact them but couldn't find it so again thank you. Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
jolajo · 12/12/2023 19:18

😂Thanks, sort of?

OP posts:
FrancineBox · 12/12/2023 19:24

Click on the report under the post you made with the photo and you can request deletion, possibly of entire thread.

I would dump him and get a refund and no LDR in the future.

Original poster
jolajo · 12/12/2023 19:28

I was just coming on to delete the thread funny enough due to not finding report picture but I'll give your advice a go.

I've known it's over it's just took time to accept it, thank you to everyone who commented/advised you've all been so lovely xxx💞

OP posts:
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