Heartbroken after phone call with ex

[Tueresmuyguapo]

I'm only a week into a break up after several years together, he didn't want to commit. Anyway, it feels weird to even call him my ex. I'm staying with a friend until I can move into my own place in a couple of weeks' time.
We ended up having an amicable phone call earlier. He said he misses me a lot and that it was so great to hear from me.
I ended up getting upset and tbh I think the phone call just made it hurt even more. We just had a catch up, he said he feels like a coward.
I really, really want to go back but I know I have to be strong, if he wanted to commit he would do so I have to go by that.
I don't harbour any bad feelings towards him, I feel horrible for ending things even though I had a valid reason to.
Anyone else going through this right now?
I just wish I could go back and it would all work out but I know I can't because it won't happen.
It's been so long since I've been through a break up, I forgot how rubbish it was.

Please be strong but go NO CONTACT. I had similar to you many years ago and did the pick me dance (unsuccessfully). Since them I've learnt no man is worth it. I'm seeing someone now and things are going well but we have a clear commitment timeline (we're older). If he doesn't meet the timeline he's out without a backward glance

Just block and take care of yourself please. "He can't commit" - what does it even mean? He doesn't want to

Thanks for your reply, it's good to hear you have a clear timeline.
He can't commit to him means he's just not ready and scared of the responsibility and of being tied down sort of thing.
When he told me he missed me a lot it hurt.
I do need to fully go no contact for a while, you're right.

im in similar boat with my ex, for ages i had hoped but by the looks of things that boat has long sailed,

No contact is the only way. It's a horrible time.

I remember the same kind of phone call when my XH and I split.

You will feel better. It will take a long time. You won't forget how it hurts but you will make your way through.

No contact. Block everywhere. Avoid social media. Look after yourself and be kind to you. You will get through this. 'This, too, will pass'.

Do you mean he won't marry you or have kids? or does he have other women?

@Tueresmuyguapo, in the kindest way, stop making excuses for him.
You're both adults, and were both in an adult relationship.
He needed to be honest with you and wasn't.
I'm sorry I didn't work out for you. When you're ready, there will be better people out there.

You have to allow yourself time to be heartbroken and sad for a bit. 😞 💐

Why do you need to catch up after a week? Go no contact.

The point is, you say he cannot commit, but all that means is he does not want to commit.

I think you posted about him saying that wouldn't marry you until he earned more money, etc. - is that you? It's hard to walk away but you did it! One day - though it may be a while - you'll be SO glad you did!

What got me through:

Going 100% no contact.

Keeping in mind that, one day, my future DH wouldn't have ANY doubts about commiting to me. Breaking up with my ex would free me to meet my future DH.

And I did meet him and he couldn't wait to commit. And the same will happen to you one day now that you're not being kept off the market by a guy who was never going to be your DH.

If you haven't already, I would recommend reading 'He's just not that into you' by Greg Behrendt. He doles out tough love and calls out men like your ex who keep women on a string. The sad fact is that if this man wanted to commit, he would. If you give in this time, it will just get harder and harder until you eventually break finally and then he meets his 'one' and marries her within months. It's happened to friends of mine in the past. Don't let it happen to you.

NC is THE only way. It could take you a year or two to get over it…fyi.

it’s rubbish as you say, but part of life. Give yourself time to cry and be sad and all that.

It was so great to hear from you? So having done the hard bit of ending it, you contacted him? He's not even trying to real you back in, you are torturing yourself.
Stop all contact, it really is the quickest and best way to get over someone.

He’ll be shacked up with someone else in no time. It’s brutal but “I’m not ready to commit” means “I’m not ready to commit to you”. You’ll find your anger soon once the denial passes but please block him like others have said.

Totally avoid- you can’t fill the gap in the relationship- he did nothing about it and as you say won’t. He can’t meet your needs. Stay strong and heal

Another vote for no contact. You are torturing yourself hoping he will have an epiphany and suddenly be ready to commit. It’s hard to accept but the other posters are right… he’s just not that into you.

I’m not ready to commit means I don’t want to commit to YOU. Similarly I never want to get married/have kids means I don’t want these things with YOU.

NC all the way otherwise you can’t heal. Take time for yourself💙

He’ll either grow up and come back or settle down with someone else. Either way you contacting him now won’t fix anything. You have no choice but to move on.