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Original poster

When do feelings go

33 replies

crispynight · 11/12/2023 19:04

I'm married with dc and my heart aches for my boss.

He helped me through a difficult event at work and I don't know what happened but I just became addicted. I see him regularly and he's always kind.

My heart aches that he is in a committed relationship and I am married. Does this feeling go and when?

OP posts:
annaT2122 · 11/12/2023 19:08

crispynight · 11/12/2023 19:04

I'm married with dc and my heart aches for my boss.

He helped me through a difficult event at work and I don't know what happened but I just became addicted. I see him regularly and he's always kind.

My heart aches that he is in a committed relationship and I am married. Does this feeling go and when?

A lot of it will be in your head. I bet in reality he won't be the man you think he is. I was in a similar situation in the past

Original poster
crispynight · 11/12/2023 19:21

Yeah you're right. I don't know him. He helped me and I feel like I've been rescued. Very intoxicating. 🙈

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 11/12/2023 19:27

Yes, he's fantasy man. My DH works with a lot of women, and is one of the only men. One of them has quite the crush. Maybe if she lived with the farty, untidy, person he actually is, she would take him off a pedestal Grin

This will pass @crispynight so long as you don't do anything to progress it.

HotGirlInHell · 11/12/2023 19:41

I'm 18 months in. I'll let you know. But it doesn't seem like anytime soon.

Actually to be fair I can see him for who he is much more clearly now; not an arsehole but a decent guy with flaws.

It's actually more about how he made me feel, rather than how I felt about him, or how we felt about each other.

Original poster
crispynight · 11/12/2023 20:41

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants made me laugh anyway 😂

OP posts:
littlebigmouth · 12/12/2023 09:37

If it lasts longer than 4 months it's love not a crush 😵

Menopausalprincess · 12/12/2023 10:17

Not sure that’s very helpful, unless you really know the person, it can be 40 years, but still not love!

Menopausalprincess · 12/12/2023 10:21

OP, enjoy the tingly butterflies, while recognising that they are for the man you imagine him to be - which is, in all likelihood, not the man he is! Meanwhile, maybe spend a bit of time thinking about your DH and try to remember what it was about him that used to make you feel like that 🦋

glophop · 12/12/2023 10:27

Lots of women writing about crushes on here at the moment, surely no logical woman can fall for a man without any encouragement. These men are probably all loving the attention,

betterangels · 12/12/2023 10:31

It's actually more about how he made me feel, rather than how I felt about him, or how we felt about each other.

This is a good thing to remember.

Onelifeonly · 12/12/2023 10:34

It's the crushes that never go anywhere that can be hard to forget precisely because you never find out their annoying habits. I mean I wouldn't say I still have a crush on this guy, but I found myself thinking about someone (don't even remember their first name!!) the other day that I met 30 years ago when I was engaged to be married. At the time I wished I had met him at a different time because the connection was strong and I was fairly sure he felt the same. I remember mentioning my fiance to put him off and then half wishing I hadn't.

Onelifeonly · 12/12/2023 10:35

littlebigmouth · 12/12/2023 09:37

If it lasts longer than 4 months it's love not a crush 😵

Or maybe crushes last longer than love??!!

HotGirlInHell · 12/12/2023 10:58

glophop · 12/12/2023 10:27

Lots of women writing about crushes on here at the moment, surely no logical woman can fall for a man without any encouragement. These men are probably all loving the attention,

It's funny actually.

I spent a long time feeling like me and this other guy had a real sliding doors thing. Both married, it was so intense, we held back from anything over the line but it was very much inappropriate generally.

Literally yesterday he let me down over something quite small and I realised...he was actually just trying to fuck me. I was really really vulnerable and thought he was supporting me and there were all these feelings at play, but it would just have been a fuck for him.

Hbosh · 12/12/2023 14:09

Maybe try not zoom out and ask yourself what this crush on your boss is trying to tell you?

How is your marriage at the moment?
What qualities do you long for in your husband?
What sensations do you wish your husband would give you?
How would you like to see yourself and be seen by others?
Which sides of yourself are not given the opportunity to flourish and develop at the moment?

Does this correlate at all with the things you feel towards your boss and the way he makes you feel?

Most likely, this isn't about him. You barely even know him.
There's something bigger going on.

It's either that or you're so starved for attention, live and kindness that you'd fall for anyone who shows you just a shimmer of that.

Original poster
crispynight · 12/12/2023 17:20

@Hbosh there's an element of the last sentence.

Boss always puts his wife down in front of me too.

OP posts:
itsmyp4rty · 12/12/2023 17:26

crispynight · 12/12/2023 17:20

@Hbosh there's an element of the last sentence.

Boss always puts his wife down in front of me too.

Good guys don't do that. Why would you want someone who thought that was an acceptable thing to do?
I think this is definitely more about your general/relationship unhappiness then it is about him being such a great guy.

HotGirlInHell · 12/12/2023 17:34

crispynight · 12/12/2023 17:20

@Hbosh there's an element of the last sentence.

Boss always puts his wife down in front of me too.

Yup!

Called his wife a cunt. And I still didn't see it.

Original poster
crispynight · 12/12/2023 17:34

My gut tells me I would be a really big ego boost to him.

I think he's quite spoilt and used to getting what he wants. He likes a challenge. He's also impressed that I'm onto him - I don't fall for his usual charms.

I was staved of attention as a child and my dad was quite controlling.

OP posts:
Original poster
crispynight · 12/12/2023 17:35

@HotGirlInHell uncanny!

OP posts:
HotGirlInHell · 12/12/2023 19:27

crispynight · 12/12/2023 17:34

My gut tells me I would be a really big ego boost to him.

I think he's quite spoilt and used to getting what he wants. He likes a challenge. He's also impressed that I'm onto him - I don't fall for his usual charms.

I was staved of attention as a child and my dad was quite controlling.

Ha. I have only recently realised that there's quite an ego there. His whole 'I'm just a humble guy with an overbearing wife' thing really worked for a long time.

I have only had this lightbulb moment today. After 18 months of horrific emotional devastation.

Please don't be me. He's not worth it. He's not worth it. He's not worth it.

FoFanta · 12/12/2023 19:44

I have had similar experiences in the past, and it might be worth considering whether you have an insecure attatchment style (which means you can have a fear of abandonment and rejection) and a bit of low self esteem. Part of the appeal is the fact that he is your boss and you need his approval/good opinion/sustained presence in your life. So it isn't really a true connection, just a manifestation of your fear of being abandoned. Not all thoughts or feelings should be indulged or acted upon. Would you feel the same way about him if he worked in the post room, or if you met him in other circumstances?

It's horrible though, so you do have my sympathies. The sooner you can break the habit of giving these feelings/thoughts oxygen, the sooner it will fade away.

Mothersmith89 · 12/12/2023 19:54

I have had a fair few crushes over the years which I shouldn’t have. Time heals but also they never fully go because you Never really know that persons annoying habits. They are a fantasy. I have one now. To be fair I go to the gym more when I have one, so I tel myself it’s healthy haha

Original poster
crispynight · 12/12/2023 22:34

@Mothersmith89 omg I do this - gym! 😂🙈

OP posts:
HotGirlInHell · 12/12/2023 22:47

I lost three stone during mine. Never been hotter or more miserable.

Wednesday6 · 12/12/2023 23:29

I think to a certain extend this is normal and it will go away.

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