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Original poster

3 months dating - advice

9 replies

Kim252628 · 11/12/2023 18:56

Hello I’m 37F and have been dating a 37M for 3 months. I have one child (almost 5) who I have 70% of time he has none. It’s been great and we get along really well, but I feel it’s always me making time for him. He has a very busy social life whereas most of my time is focused on my child and career. I’m starting to feel hurt that he doesn’t seem to make much time for me, I’m more slotted into when he has free time whereas I actively try and make time for him even though I have the responsibility of a child. I think it’s great he has so many friends and keeps busy but I don’t think he always appreciates how hard it is for me to make time to see him. I’m new to dating and not sure if it’s too early to bring this up? We see each other once a week at the most, would be much less if I didn’t move things around. Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 11/12/2023 19:05

I don't think anyone that's not had the experience of being a single parent would fully understand what it's like and how much of a juggle it can be to find time, so he might not fully appreciate what it's like, no. If you're available 30% of the week, are you expecting him to always make himself available and he's doing other things? I think if he doesn't do so, he's probably not as keen as you would like him to be maybe?

It's still early days and you do have a child, and unless you're going to play at happy families, you've got a good while where once a week is about as much time as you'll have for him. I'd take it slow, and not say anything for now.

Ablondiebutagoody · 11/12/2023 19:18

I have a child and don't date men without kids. The lifestyles are just too completely, wildly different.

Curlywurlycaz2 · 11/12/2023 19:25

Stop moving things around for him and see what happens. If he steps up, great. If he doesn't and it fizzes out, then it wasn't meant to be.

Firefly2009 · 11/12/2023 19:27

The problem is that he has more free time than you do, hence you have to make a sacrifice /juggle things to see him but he is free to fill up his calendar. Honestly, I'd stop juggling your calendar for him. If he wants to see you, he has to juggle his calendar in order to see you when you're free.

CheekyHobson · 11/12/2023 19:31

You don’t need a conversation, you just need to stop making all the effort and then watch what he does.

I know this feels scary as the likely outcome will be that he doesn’t bother to step up and the relationship ends but better to know this now than after wasting months or years hoping to become a priority.

samestyle · 11/12/2023 19:59

Don't always be the one to fit in with his plans, it's about both of you prioritising time together, tbh if he really wanted to he would ensure you see each other and make the time for you rather than you fitting around his plans. You aren't his first priority.

Original poster
Kim252628 · 11/12/2023 21:42

Thank you, some of it has been completely unavoidable stuff like stag dos etc that have been planned for a long time and of course this isn’t what upsets me. He seems genuinely disappointed when we struggle to find free time together but then goes off and makes a bunch of plans for time that we could be spending together.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kim252628 · 11/12/2023 21:57

GoldDuster · 11/12/2023 19:05

I don't think anyone that's not had the experience of being a single parent would fully understand what it's like and how much of a juggle it can be to find time, so he might not fully appreciate what it's like, no. If you're available 30% of the week, are you expecting him to always make himself available and he's doing other things? I think if he doesn't do so, he's probably not as keen as you would like him to be maybe?

It's still early days and you do have a child, and unless you're going to play at happy families, you've got a good while where once a week is about as much time as you'll have for him. I'd take it slow, and not say anything for now.

Thank you, I think that’s a good point I certainly wouldn’t be introducing my child anytime soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kim252628 · 11/12/2023 21:57

Ablondiebutagoody · 11/12/2023 19:18

I have a child and don't date men without kids. The lifestyles are just too completely, wildly different.

If this doesn’t work then I think I’ll be taking this approach!

OP posts:
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