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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think my best friend fancies my fiancee

18 replies

Catscoffeeandsleep · 11/12/2023 14:49

the subject was meant to be I think my friend fancies my fiancee*

I met my friend 2 years ago whilst painting my partner's new gym, she was working on the grounds cleaning. We've both got daughters the same age. I see her every week but for some reason I have always had this off feeling about her. She can be fairly volatile for no reason and will even get funny about me talking to other women at groups.

She's been asking me to ask my partner to fix her mums hob, he's an electrician. My friend has made it clear that she finds him attractive and that she is unhappy in her relationship. She cancelled our plans to meet to be at her mums house when my partner went there. She told me today about how her mum finds him attractive and my friend just kept bringing my partner up. She seemed jealous when I said about the nice things he had done for me. She's asked him privately to come and do some work at her house, he agreed although he told me that day he was not doing private work anymore. She shares his gym page on her social media and she will spot men when we are together and say, “oh, he's so attractive, he looks like your partner”. She also said about how she's going to message him about photos she's edited of him to make him laugh.

I don't really know how to feel about this, it seems to be getting worse. It's really unusual. I have other friends that my partner has met and I've never had anything like this. What would you do?

OP posts:
Mabelface · 11/12/2023 14:52

Bin her off. She's not even being subtle about it!

Falalalalaa · 11/12/2023 14:53

Firstly she’s no friend.

How does your partner react to her? That’s what’s important here.

SplendidUtterly · 11/12/2023 14:55

She isn't your friend.

Hatty65 · 11/12/2023 14:56

I'd give her one chance by saying to her "DP and I both find it really cringey that you keep going on about how attractive he is. It's embarrassing and you need to stop or we'll need to drop the friendship."

And then if she said anything else I'd just not bother with her.

The only thing is, I got the slight sense from your post that you might be worried your DP is flattered/interested?

35965a · 11/12/2023 14:58

She most definitely is not your friend

Catscoffeeandsleep · 11/12/2023 15:00

Thank you, she's not being subtle at all. It's just really odd.

I have no concerns about my partner cheating on me it's just that he can't see what she's doing and thinks it's me being jealous. However, I have very attractive friends that get on very well with my partner and I have never had this gut feeling about them.

OP posts:
Catscoffeeandsleep · 11/12/2023 15:54

We went to an event last night and she insisted on my partner picking us up, she asked if his mum could drive to our house to babysit whilst my partner picked us up. I said why don't I just ask my partners mum if she would pick us up as the train station as its right near her house, she has a big enough car and my friend knows her very well and she said no, she wanted my partner to get us, I said he's bush and she said just leave it, we will get a taxi.

OP posts:
sadsack78 · 11/12/2023 16:44

There's about eight billion people in the world. At least some of them will happily be your friend and NOT shamelessly try and shag your partner.

time for new friends.

Aikko · 11/12/2023 17:04

Catscoffeeandsleep · 11/12/2023 15:00

Thank you, she's not being subtle at all. It's just really odd.

I have no concerns about my partner cheating on me it's just that he can't see what she's doing and thinks it's me being jealous. However, I have very attractive friends that get on very well with my partner and I have never had this gut feeling about them.

Edited

She's after your partner, and his reaction is a little concerning honestly.

Men notice when a woman is showing interest.

NoNoNanette · 11/12/2023 17:08

Confused by the title

A man you are engaged to is your fiancé

A woman you are engaged to is your fiancée

OK you can drop the acute accents in English but still...

Catscoffeeandsleep · 11/12/2023 17:40

Thank you for your help, I am deeply sorry if I have confused you. Have a lovely evening.

OP posts:
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 11/12/2023 18:01

Ignore @NoNoNanette, they must be just irritable because Sesame Street producers haven't hunt hunted them!

The issue applies whether your partner is male or female.

This lady isn't a friend. She's an inappropriate, obsessive weirdo. I would cut her out and hope your fiance does too given her lack of respect for you.

Nanny0gg · 11/12/2023 18:16

NoNoNanette · 11/12/2023 17:08

Confused by the title

A man you are engaged to is your fiancé

A woman you are engaged to is your fiancée

OK you can drop the acute accents in English but still...

This is the Relationship topic, not Pedants' Corner.

HTH

stoppingby · 11/12/2023 18:29

How your partner/fiancé reacts in this situation is really important I think!

Regardless of how he feels, if it bothers you then he should stick up for you. If you're engaged then you've signed up to be a team who support each other, even sometimes in the little stuff.

Have you ever talked really openly to your partner about it? Say that even if he can't see it, you'd like him to support you in this etc?

StrawberryWater · 11/12/2023 18:31

NoNoNanette · 11/12/2023 17:08

Confused by the title

A man you are engaged to is your fiancé

A woman you are engaged to is your fiancée

OK you can drop the acute accents in English but still...

Pipe down. Everyone knew what she meant.

StrawberryWater · 11/12/2023 18:32

stoppingby · 11/12/2023 18:29

How your partner/fiancé reacts in this situation is really important I think!

Regardless of how he feels, if it bothers you then he should stick up for you. If you're engaged then you've signed up to be a team who support each other, even sometimes in the little stuff.

Have you ever talked really openly to your partner about it? Say that even if he can't see it, you'd like him to support you in this etc?

This.

Your partner should be sticking up for you. If you're uncomfortable OP then that's all that should matter.

Olika · 11/12/2023 18:34

Get rid of this friend.

NoNoNanette · 11/12/2023 19:01

Nanny0gg · 11/12/2023 18:16

This is the Relationship topic, not Pedants' Corner.

HTH

One person so far gave me a thanks for it.

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