Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I handle this situation or should I just move on?

14 replies

schofs09 · 11/12/2023 14:28

I feel like I’ve already answered my own question but it’s good to get others’ perspectives. A man through work actively pursued a relationship with me, and whilst we’re not “official” whatever that means, we have passed the stages of being intimate and saying the “L” word. A few weeks ago he jumped to conclusions about me disappearing at night. I genuinely had fallen asleep but he assumed I was out… doing god knows what. He became very distant and detached until finally agreeing to talk about things which had a simple explanation. Things were great until he became stressed at work. He had a few things going on and seemed to spiral into a pit of depression. As much as I tried to reach out he was barely speaking, ignoring my messages and refusing to speak on the phone which is important as we’re long distance. This morning I saw he had left comments about a woman’s looks on social media, and when I tried to explain that this had hurt me, and even though we haven’t made the relationship “official” I felt betrayed. He has now proceeded to completely ignore me. He’s usually such a kind, loving affectionate person but I can’t help feeling like I’ve ended up falling for someone who cares very little for my emotional wellbeing.

OP posts:
Bobbotgegrinch · 11/12/2023 15:58

You're not even in a relationship yet. This bit is meant to be easy, fun!

If you're getting this much drama already, imagine what it's going to be like once he's got you trapped.

Lifelessonstoremember · 11/12/2023 16:03

There are so many reasons why you shouldn't pursue this.

VintageDiamonds · 11/12/2023 16:04

You have to ask yourself why he’d assume that you were out when he called rather than assuming that you were asleep. It’s either because it’s what he’d do, or because he’s gaslighting you. He’s either seeing other people or he’s insecure. You deserve better.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/12/2023 16:12

This man has disaster written all over him.

A few weeks ago he jumped to conclusions about me disappearing at night. I genuinely had fallen asleep but he assumed I was out… doing god knows what.

You really should have ended it then. That is a classic sign of an abuser.

Run for your life.

Socialyawkward · 11/12/2023 16:24

He's either has jealousy and Paranoia issues and is doing it out of revenge

Or he's accusing you of exactly what he's doing.

Either way this is run

Mabelface · 11/12/2023 16:29

Now he's got you, he's keeping you in your place. Bin this one, he's no good.

TheFlis · 11/12/2023 16:33

You’ve said you love each other but are not officially in a relationship?! That’s concerning enough for me.

SpringleDingle · 11/12/2023 16:37

He's a headfuck. Don't engage with headfuck's. Ditch this guy immediately and run for your life!

DatingDinosaur · 11/12/2023 18:27

I find when people rationalise their shitty behaviour and hide behind "being stressed" or "feeling depressed" it usually means they want out of the relationship but don't have the balls to say that.

schofs09 · 11/12/2023 20:39

Thanks everyone for your messages! He proceeded this evening to tell me "he's not angry at me for my behaviour today" AKA accusing him of something he had quite clearly done. I decided enough is enough and have ended things. His apology was as follows... I'm sorry you're upset. That was enough for me to end things.

OP posts:
schofs09 · 11/12/2023 20:40

@Mabelface I think that's true. When we started dating he was amazing, but more recently he's been a really awful human being. Distant, constantly talking about sex, losing interest, cancelling plans. I've had enough.

OP posts:
schofs09 · 11/12/2023 20:42

@DatingDinosaur starting to realise this is likely to be the case. He goes so hot and cold; one minute he's saying he can't wait to spend Christmas together, the next he's back to ignoring messages and only replying once in a blue moon. This feeling of what I thought was me falling for him is slowly making me realise I was entirely love bombed.

OP posts:
schofs09 · 11/12/2023 20:42

@TheFlis not so much "I love you" but he has called me to tell me he's falling in love with me. At one point I do think I felt the same, but starting to quickly realise he's not the same man I met before.

OP posts:
Dery · 11/12/2023 21:07

The whole hot and cold/off and on nature of his communication suggests to me that he has been seeing at least one other woman while he’s been dating you - that may be part of why you’ve not been “official”. That’s why he assumed you were up to no good when you didn’t answer the phone - because in the same situation, he would have been up to no good. Glad you’ve given him the elbow. Good for you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread