Hi All,
I hope I have put this in the right topic section.
I am unsure if I am being unreasonable or right to feel like I do and I would love some outside views on the matter.
Me and my husband have been together for 10 years and married for 4. We have a 13-month-old DS. I was off for a year on Maternity but went back full time in October to a very stressful job, 3 days in London. My husband has a much quieter job (his words) which is only 10 minutes away from home, he also finishes at 4:30/5 pm. He does pick our son up from childcare and feed him. I 98% do bedtime when I get back from the office around 6:30 pm. During my Mat leave we had a few discussions about him doing more, he LOVES his sleep so there were times he just wouldn't move when our DS was up in the night AT ALL, and when I mentioned it, he said well I was at home and he had to work.. I pointed out I was hardly able to sit around and relax all day whilst he was at work, where sometimes he sat on a sofa in the breakroom and played a game on his phone. To be fair he did listen and he changed his ways. When I went back to work he said it would be 50/50 as it should be. It wasn't really, I was still getting up with him, and I did most mornings, again we chatted and he did listen, he started doing more, making his lunch and getting up in the morning to give me a lie in.
The main issue is he used to be quite a party animal and he did stop a lot of it in the lead-up to having a baby and when we had our DS but he doesn't know how to control himself and he CAN NOT handle a hangover, when he does go out, even if he comes home at a reasonable time (when is I say reasonable its still 3/4 am. So we have a thing that if it's a planned night out, we give each other the next day to relax, the issue is I haven't gone out much too tired from work and parenting and most of my friends now have small children; this is all fine, so I started taking time to go to the gym and he said please do this, take the time, which is great.
The one that has sent me over the edge, is I keep telling him I am really tired. Work has been insane and our DS is lovely but energetic (walked at 11 months) so it's a lot. My husband quite often works on the weekends so I have him to myself after a full week of work. And he (husband) has been going out a lot in December, Christmas parties, and catching up with friends, I asked him to pick some, where he stayed out late and others where he came home early as it means two days if not more of him lying in bed being useless. He picked one where he came home early the other 3 he was out late and not much help at all. So, I have done a lot of the leg work with childcare
It was his birthday this Saturday and we had people round to the house and our DS stayed at the in-laws. It was lovely, we stayed up late 3 am (which is WAY past my bedtime) and I didn't sleep well and was shattered yesterday but I let my husband sleep in ALL day, as it was his birthday, I picked our DS up at 10 am, I played with him, fed him, bathed him, took him to bed and made his pack lunch, I then had an interview in the office put in for 9:15 am and after dropping off our DS I normally get to the office around 9:10 so it was cutting it fine. My husband emerged around 3 pm to feed himself and then I went to bed at 8 pm and he fell asleep on the sofa and came to bed around 12pm, this morning I was feeling tired but I got up with our son at 6:20 am (thank god he slept well) I had to feed him, dress him, get everything ready and myself, I went upstairs to get dressed and asked my husband to watch him and he made a noise, and did watch him from bed, so a couple of times he ran off and got into things he shouldn't I had to run and get him whilst my husband lay in bed. Then our DS did a poo, so had to change that, get him in the buggy and walk to the childminder all through this my husband slept.
I sent him a text when I got to work as I could not believe he didn't offer to pull himself out of bed and drop off our DS so I could get to work on time without rushing and he could have gone back to bed (he took the day off work as he was feeling "so bad") and yes I did say something to him but he was already awake and he said something like 'It's my birthday, god just leave it be'. I am confused, he is normally lovely and kind and a great dad, but this is starting to get to me, I feel like if you are going to go out then you should be able to get up a day later to help out with your son! I also was up late and I did everything and got to work put together in time to do my interview and he is STILL IN BED.
Sorry it's a ramble, I am just not sure if I am overreacting or if I am justified to think he parents when its easy for him and not when it means pushing yourself and through the pain. I have said to him if he can't handle going out then he shouldn't.
Thank you for reading.