I am exhausted. Mentally exhausted!
I feel like if my DH stopped doing what he does in the house nothing would change but if I stopped for even a few days the house would be in chaos. Everything falls onto me. I've tried to explain umpteen time to my DH and he always agrees he should be doing more. He will do a bit more for about 3 weeks or so then it all falls away again. I feel like we have the same conversation over and over and it's just not getting any better.
It's not just the physical labour, it's more the mental load. If I ask him to do something he will do it but I feel like I shouldn't have to tell him. Like yesterday morning I asked if he could tidy up a bit while I was out. He aaked what needs done. I'm standing in a bedroom with clothes all over the floor, kids toys, etc etc. Like open your fucking eyes!
He thinks hanging up a washing and emptying the dishwasher is enough, but it a mindless task. I'm the one carrying the mental load for everything! Keeping mental stock of dishwasher tablets and washing tabs, making sure the school uniforms are all washed and ironed in time, there's enough food in the cupboard for dinners, packed lunches, what DSD has on at school this week, when PE days are and is kit washed, the toiletry cupboard is stocked, when was the last time the bedding was washed, DSD dancing and gymnastics stuff is washed, dates for school plays and Xmas parties, dates for dancing dress rehearsals and shows, what bin is going out this week. People can't even pick up after themselves. Like, why am I the only person in the house capable of putting toilet roll tubes in the bin. But you hung a washing up babe, well done. Go put your feet up now.
Every time I pull him up for his lack of effort he does seem really remorseful and apologises, makes promises but I just don't think he really gets it. He thinks doing the odd task here and there is helping. And of course it helps a bit but what I really need him to do is take ownership of the entire task. Like keep track of the food in the cupboard and fridge, go to the shop when needed, cook dinner. Not just open the cupboard up to see what I've bought and cook something.
I decided not to pick up anything I hadn't dropped for 3 days. I only made my side of the bed. He didn't even notice. I deliberately refused to empty the bins. The recycling was spilling out all over the kitchen floor. He still didn't empty the bins.
I'm worried I'm going to end up resenting him if things don't change. He's a wonderful husband in every other way and I love him dearly.
The thing is, when we first got together he was a single dad of 3 running his own home. His house could be a bit messy at times but he still managed to feed and clothe 3 kids on his own so I know he is capable.
I can be a bit of a control freak. I like my house tidy. Like if there's glasses and empty crisps packets sitting on the tables next to the couch I'll tidy them away but they don't seem to both him. I hate the shoes all lying at the door but again, doesn't seem to bother him. Is that part of the issue? That I'm letting little things annoy me and getting annoyed that they don't bother other people?
Does anyone else feel the same? Did anything change? Can it change? I feel like this is something a lot of women complain about so I know I'm not the only one.