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Relationships

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Social media issues

10 replies

Bekind01 · 11/12/2023 09:39

General consensus... If a very attractive female that your partner has dated was liking and then UN-liking recent photos of him and you… would you say something? He has unfollowed her but she’s still following. Or would you just stay quiet. It makes me feel insecure and quite paranoid tbh as just find it really strange.

OP posts:
DonnaYouAreAStar · 11/12/2023 09:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Bekind01 · 11/12/2023 10:14

Presuming that’s a no, you wouldn’t say anything, thanks

OP posts:
FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 11/12/2023 11:42

I think if he was doing the liking I would say something but if it was her, I would probably just keep an eye on it and say nothing 😂

Pigeonqueen · 11/12/2023 11:46

I think I’d be really childish and go and like every single one of her photos 🤣🙈 just so she knows I can “see” her and know what she’s up to.

Therealweld · 11/12/2023 11:46

It is strange, for adults.
Its attention seeking behaviour.

The bit i would be interested in is the feelings it was bringing up in me.
Have you been betrayed in the past?
Do you trust yourself to pick wisely?
Do you trust him?

Bekind01 · 11/12/2023 14:35

These comments made me laugh, thank you. I feel sad today. In answer, I don’t feel good enough for him, no, and I don’t particularly trust him. His life was very different before me and whilst he has been committed for a while now I doubt how long that would last. I’m very tempted to send her a message and just say I have noticed what she’s doing. Very weird 🙄

OP posts:
Therealweld · 11/12/2023 14:59

Keep your cards close to your chest OP.

If you contact her then it will be "both" of you.
If you sit back, do nothing, then its all her.

Calm and confident.

Its ok to feel sad.
If a friend was sad, how would you support her?
Give that to yourself.

Explore why you don't feel good enough.
Where did you get that messaging?
What makes him better than you?
Who are you better than?

You are not better than anyone you say?
But he is?
He's not really is he.
Take him down from the pedestal.

Bekind01 · 11/12/2023 15:12

😢 thank you for your kind message 😢

For a few years, he chose to date these other women rather than commit to me because he wasn’t ready to settle down. He was honest about that. I was in love with him for years and he would boomerang back to me and then away again. It hurt me for years and I know we can say that I should have had more respect for myself but we had a connection and I loved him.

I got pregnant and he turned his life around, pretty much. Been together properly for s couple of years and he says he is ready to settle down and claims he only wants me but I just doubt that. But numerous things have happened to make me mistrust. Sometimes I think we are getting somewhere, he’s an amazing dad, for example. But I have had so many problems. The social media example is just one tiny thing but whilst this one ‘instagram model’ was liking and unliking the photos , another woman wrote ‘our baby 😍’ under a picture of my child?! It’s so strange and makes me feel so paranoid, I don’t understand why these things always happen to me. They are females from his past but it took me this long to even ‘persuade’ him to post photos of his family. I’m very very insecure and I feel very much stuck in thinking that everyone looks at us and thinks he can do better. I know I’m intelligent and strong and I take care of myself so my friends tell me I underrate all of my qualities etc but I just can’t seem to escape it when these triggers keep happening. Sorry for such an over explanation there 😭

OP posts:
Therealweld · 11/12/2023 19:17

Sounds like there is a lot of shared history and unsteady foundation.

If you haven't examined that, the ground can still feel unsteady.
Like you said, it is triggering as you are getting the scent of shady behavior.
And not discussing it with him (?) perhaps because you have been negotiated down/put yourself in a low position and accepted his poor treatment in the past and that has become a habit.

It sounds like you are living in fear of losing him. Thats no way to live!
Poor you.
Probably most of it is manufactured by your mind but because he hasn't shown himself to be trustworthy there is more than a grain of truth that is possibly being amplified and dragging you all over the place.

What did you learn from your parents about relationships?
Often that can play out in our own relationships.

Then, what will your child be learning about relationships from you guys?
"Men are fantastic, women are lucky to have them".

You said you think others are thinking x y z about you. Others will think what they will think and we have no control over that.
But we are not really mind readers.
To truly know what others were thinking would be extraordinary!

Years back women raved about a book called "women who love too much" by Robin Norwood.
There might be something for you there.

Burntouted · 11/12/2023 22:37

It is highly unlikely that he's changed. In all the years that you've been on and off with him, he hasn't.

He will only change if and when he wants to.

It wasn't a good idea to tie yourself forever to him by having a child with him.

It also wasn't good to bring an innocent person into that dysfunctional and unhealthy dynamic.

Now even if you were to work on yourself to gain some self esteem and self respect, there are no "clean" breaks from him.

Your connection to him seems only one sideded.

Unsure why you feel a life of being someone's doormat is fitting for you, and all you deserve .. perhaps therapy would be beneficial..

Unfortunately, your child will most likely mimick your behaviors, his behaviors or the combined behaviors of both parents.

If you're not planning to leave and possibly do better, contacting any woman is useless and will further damage you.

You've allowed yourself to be a doormat, and his default option.

He knows that no matter what, he can always come back to you, because you'll welcome him back every time.

This isn't love.

Since it doesn't seem like you'll leave (wish you would try and do better for yourself and child)
Perhaps get some friends, job, hobbies, interests, goals, distractions, etc...

stop monitoring him and his behaviors. Try to learn to disassociate yourself from caring.

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