Grabbing

[Em4891]

Please tell me if I’m being over the top here.
but, several times now my oh has touched me or grabbed me sexually when I haven’t wanted him to.
He did it to me yesterday when I was cleaning , shoving his hands down below .
It made me feel very uncomfortable and uneasy. I haven’t liked having intercourse with him nearly all year due to not just this but, the way he treats me like I’m a item of his

It’s sexual assault. Do you want to stay with him?

@Em4891 If you've told him ages ago that you don't like it, or if you've been keeping a phsyical distance from him because of it and from your post, it seems like you have, but he has kept doing it, he's treating you like an object he owns rather than a person to be loved and respected! I had this with my STBXH and it didn't matter what I said, he just kept doing it! It made me keep a distance from him and put me off sex too, but he just would not stop. In the end, he cheated on me and used that as an excuse, but it was his groping of me that was causing me to keep a distance from him and his total refusal to respect my feelings and just bloody well stop!
You're not being at all over the top! He's the one behaving badly and TBH, I think you need to consider how much longer you're going to put up with it. If he just won't stop no matter what you say or do, I would strongly advise you to sort out going it alone; get legal advise, sort your finances out and make plans to split up from him. This behaviour is abusive , even if he never cheats on you! Don't be me and wait until he does!

Why do you feel the need to stay with him? What is keeping you in this relationship?

If you started telling people in real life that he does this, you would find that are able to leave him. Whilst you are invested in pretending to everyone that everything is OK, then you will carry on trapping yourself in this dreadful situation.

Have you told him you don't like this? Have you told him you aren't happy? What other things does he do that you don't like? Have you told him about those?

If he grabs at you in a way you don't like and you have told him that then this is incredibly disrespectful and, as previous posters say, an assault (actually it is an assault even if you don't specifically say "no" and just look / feel very uncomfortable). If he continues to display other behavior towards you that you have told him you don't like then that is also an issue. If he can't / won't change his behavior then you either need to accept it (which might be ok if it was a small issue, which this sounds like it isn't) or leave him.

Thanks everyone. It’s been grabbing me underneath my top and shoving his hands underneath my knickers. I absolutely hate it and feel extremely upset by it. But, if I don’t engage I get called a prude and fridged. It utterly repulses me . He does nothing to help me in any which way and has now caused me to take out an iva due to paying for everything.

He has no right to do this. Tell him that you don't like it and he must stop.
But this relationship clearly looks over to me. Do you want to be with this man?

What he is doing to you is sexual assault and is a criminal offence.

Please don't put up with this for one second longer. Call the police.

Can you leave, OP?

So he sexually and financially abuses you. Is there anything else that he does to you? What do you like about him?

@Em4891 - sounds like he should be an ex. Is there anything in particular keeping you with him?

Get some support from womens aid, they have a chatline and an online chat service if calling isn't possible.

You're not being over the top, your situation sounds horrendous to me.

My children. He does nothing with them but, know he works turn horrible if I told him I was leaving him 😩

No way are you being over the TOP! that is sexual assault you are not his property,what right has he got to do these sickening things without your consent? absolutely None! Like others have said contact women's aid this is repeated sexual abuse

I hope you find the courage to leave good luck

See the men that are sick in the head don't see it like that, they think oh but I am your bf/DH whichever and therefore it is not the same as someone who you don't know, doing it.
Which is also another reason why some women didn't feel they could call it rape, if their partner forced sex on them etc.

I wouldn't look at what the relationship gives you, he's doing things you don't like, things that are wrong, you have told him and he still continues to do it, therefore he has shown you who he is and that he has no respect for you. This will just continue, I won't pretend I haven't done it, but us as women need to learn when enough is enough.
Why do we wait to see how things go, that thing doesn't improve-some things you shouldn't wait for that possibility anyway, if the thing/s they have been doing are badly wrong. Or something improves and we wait for the next thing to happen.

You don't tell him, abusive men don't get the right to know that.
You get some support as suggested in other replies, and take things from there.

It’s very small these days as he c always seems to take from me

@Em4891 Please, please do as we've all advised and sort out getting away from him! He IS abusing you!He is sexually assaulting you and he knows a woman can't stop him so he'll keep doing it. He gets off on the power. He's also poncing off you! You will be better off financially without him as well as having more peace of mind because you're not being sexually assaulted anymore! I was afraid to go anywhere near my STBXH at times; as well as always groping my behind every time he hugged me, he'd go through phases of jabbing his fingers in between my buttocks as I walked past1 It felt horrible and I hated it, but he'd deny it felt bad for me and then tell me I should be pleased he wanted to do it,, because wouldn't it be worse if he didn't? I still can't get my head round why I put up with it, and him, for as long as I did! I hadn't realised he was assaulting me until after I kicked him out because they get you so ground down and drained, you're almost going through life a bit numb! Please don't let it get to that stage! Get help asap to GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!
Contact Women's Aid and they will guide and support you in splitting from him as safely as possible! Keep us updated OP, we're here to support you!

Who owns the property you live in, does he have any claim to it.
What's his reason for not working or contributing his share.

The property is in joint name but, he does work . He seems to think he can do as he pleases

If you think he will turn nasty if you tell him you're leaving that in itself is enough of a red flag to end the relationship.
You should be in a marriage because you WANT to be there (and its an equal partnership).... not because you're are frightened of leaving.

As other have said OP the grabbing is sexual abuse - and calling you frigid if you don't "go along with it" is probably gaslighting.

If you jointly own your home and both names are on the mortgage you would need a solicitors help working out how you divide assets etc.

Form what you've described I would consider leaving the home yourself with the kids and then from s distance work out the finances. Hopefully you have either the financial means - or friends/family you can stay with to enable you to do that.

Good Luck.