male best friend always there for me but...

[eponere]

I have a male friend from high school. We have known each other for 30+ years and always been in touch. Not intense but he has always been in my life as a crying shoulder and rescuer. feels like brother. He has been by my side supportive through my break ups/ divorce. Due to his profession he has helped in my family's various legal situations. He is always there as my confidant and like a brother to me. He never speaks about his love life. I have always known him as a single man but i am certain he had women. He met my exes and has always been friendly with everyone. There was only one time during our friendship that he hugged me and held my hand years ago when we were much younger. Whenever I need anything he will always sort it out for me. If I text him I get almost immediate repsponse. He has never said no to me. Recently knowing that I am breaking up from a toxic relationship he told me that I am really special and unique in many ways and alwasy has been since we were children (he said it in a general way not that I am those things to him (how I understood), that he likes my kindness and to him I am like a balm for all the bad in the world; that he is certain I will find love and there is a man out there that would appreciate my homemaking, generosity and kindness (my recent DP has been very dismissive of me and abusive - long story do not wish to elaborate). We are both the only children and I have huge fear of being alone including Christmas in the future when we much older, but my friend already told me that he will always be there for me and when we are old he wants us to be on the same floor in the carehome. Obviously I do not want to run a scenario in my head but I can not stop thinking that if we've lived closer to each other life would be different for us. Evene today he texted me to ask how I'm feeling and later said that if I was there (where we are both from) he would be happily spending more time with me. We are long distance away from each other atm. My brain goes - has there always been something it is just him who did not want to invest himself into anything because ever since we have known each other I've always had a boyfriend or husband? I wonder what Mumsnetters think?

I wonder what you do for him. From what you've written, this relationship seems very one sided, and I wonder if you're a foul-weather friend. He sounds like a fixer, and you appear to need a lot of fixing.

It's possible he's gay - seems really bizarre he's had a front row seat to your (unfortunate) lovelife yet you know zilch about his.

With platonic friends, it's par for the course that you hash out the pitfalls and successes you've both had in relationships. If you are the only one doing that, and he's been at best not open with you, or at worst secretive, this is not an equal 2 way street friendship and never was. You make him sound like he just supports you, while you get bolstered by him.
If he hasn't himself had any relationships to speak of, that is unusual. You only get to know if he's been waiting for you by asking him ultimately. What if it was you he wants? How do you feel about the prospect?

Why don't you ask him out, OP?

He sounds absolutely lovely.

But if you were best friends you would know about his life too. It is very one-sided.

Please don't ask him out. Because the way this reads is that he has been a great friend to you for a very long time. If you really value him, then it's time for you to be his friend in return - but not only show interest him now because you think he might have even more to offer you.

This seems a seriously bizarre situation to me. Aren't you uncomfortable with the one sidedness of it? With not knowing anything about him? Personally, I'd feel a bit like a "project" and I wouldn't like it...

Is he gay ? Would he loose your friendship if you knew ? Don't use people OP. If you were really friends you could confront him this minute and not come up here to ask us, we have zilch idea. I have friends who are supportive but they all have or had a romantic life. Pretty long, and/or pretty complicated. i.e. I know. You know nothing. This is quite unusual. How old are you OP?

The fact he never speaks about his love life indicates that it's always your drama that you two are talking about, rather than his life.

Either he's in love with you and settles for this front row seat in your life even though he gets nothing back. Or your not as close as you think. Otherwise you would know about his life and have met tge people important to him.

I'd start by asking him about his life and investing more in supporting him. If he's resistant then you know where you stand. If it brings you closer then you can take it from there.

Friend-zoned admirer.