Only feeling wanted when he’s horny

[Theaviator]

Does anyone else feel like this? Like when he’s horny or waiting for something like sex or oral etc he will be the nicest person ever. Send me nice long texts, say and do all the right things just generally be lovely. Then when he’s got what he wants he will change, don’t get me wrong he’s better then most of the men like he doesn’t drink doesn’t smoke treats me to whatever I want it’s just this issue. How can someone go from being so lovely to then being so distant ? The most ibe touched him in a week was when we had sex last night and since then I’d literally get more conversation out of a wall. I’ve been telling him this for years and nothing changes.

is anyone else’s partners like this or just mine?

Why is your partner of several years communicating via text?

Why do you allow yourself to be treated so badly. Your standards are way too low. You think he is better than most men because he doesn't drink or smoke and buys you stuff? That's insane.

Dump. And don't get pregnant while you're planning the dumping.

Unless he's a teenager this is pathetic. And even then it still wouldn't be okay. The way you make it sound this relationship is fully transactional; he's only even vaguely nice to you for sex and you only give sex so he's nice to you. It's weird and not healthy. You should both want sex and both want to be kind to the other. Dump him.

If you've been telling him for years you're not happy with it, obviously he doesn't care to change it.

And obviously if you've stuck around for years, it's never going to change.

He only has to put up with you complaining about it, but nothing happens, so he can carry on.

If you don't like it, stop falling for it. He's lovey dovey when he wants a shag only. This is how it is. He doesn't care enough about how it makes you feel to make more of an effort the rest of the time.

It's whether you want this to carry on for more years or not.

To me this doesn't sound healthy. I couldn't be with someone like that, it's not enough.

Sounds like possible sex addiction to me. Maybe listen to the pbse podcast and see if anything rings a bell. I'd suggest counselling for you both and individually. Failing that definitely look up integrity abuse. Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.

Seems like he considers emotional connection foreplay only 🤔🤔🤔 how often does he want sex out of curiosity ? This isn't fair regardless just to be clear. Have you looked at love languages ? From the other bits you've said he doesn't seem like a dick but if your love language is more of words of affirmation and physical touch and he's only meeting them for sex he may have a different love language. Possibly gift giving?

Nothing changes because you've been putting up with it for years. He gets to put in minimal effort, then manipulates you into sex when he feels like it. Works for him. If it doesn't for you, you need to do something to change it, why would he?