"Is it just you" ...

[Cherryblossom200]

Hey,

Not sure what I'm wanting from this, I think I'm just feeling a bit crap and wondered if I'm alone in thinking this.

I'm a full time single parent to a wonderful 8 year old. We have a lovely life in general, I can't complain. I work hard ri provide a good standard of living for us, and we are lucky to have loving family near us and good friends

But I struggle sometimes with this time of year, I've started to dread it. Yesterday I took to daughter to see Santa. It was a sort of experience event where you move through corridors to see different things.

It was busy, so there were families everywhere. But we were the only single parent family that I could see. When we approached each room the 'elves' opened the door and looked at us and I swear each time their reaction was "Is it just you" each and every time. I know it wasn't meant to offend, and also to ensure they have the full party in the room. But it did end up making me feel shit. Like there was something wrong with us, or they we were somehow not enough. I tried not to let it bother me. But it did.

I love Christmas, but I've been single since my daughter was born, and I'm increasingly getting more lonely. All my friends are married, we all go out but I'm the odd one out.

I find it's more people's attitudes/reactions/pity that make me feel like being a single parent somehow is a sad existence rather than my own actual feelings towards it - because the the majority of the time we're happy in our little unit. Not sure if that makes sense!

There is endless constant pressure this time of the year. I was in the High street today observing people flying around like ants, grabbing presents by the bag full. The media pushes the nuclear family in its adverts, but there is an ever increasing population of single parents. These fantasy nuclear families can buy endless presents, have lovely warm houses and foods stocked to the brim in the kitchen. This is a big marketing ploy to get everyone to buy more and more, as they crave to reach the ideal. Back to reality, and many people of all walks of life struggle with real Christmas, and it can highlight loneliness etc. I am a single parent and I have always hated Christmas. I am not well so day to day is a bit of a big grind, and Christmas marketing even makes someone like me feel as if I should do more for my kids. It is just the commercialism of it in recent decades. I would try to remind yourself that you have built a nice family unit, all by yourself. Better than having two parents who argue all the time. Take pride in what you have achieved, and its impact on your child. Reflect on the good stuff in your life, and vow to make changes to improve your social life if that bothers you.

I'm a single parent and feel exactly the same OP so just wanted to say you're not alone

Also the way I try to think of it is that not everything is as it seems. Some of the couples and walking around with their dc will be miserable in their relationships and feeling trapped. Some would've spent the morning bickering and arguing....some will be acting like a happy family in public.....some will be putting on an act for the kids.....some will be in happy relationships but stressed out their head with money/financial issues.....some will have health issues we don't know about....some will have family illness/bereavements to deal with.

I know people saying that there's always someone worse off is not helpful at all. However, my point is that I think it's easy to look at other nuclear families and feel they have it better.

Yes, a nice loving healthy relationship would be great, but being a single parent is better than being in a committed miserable one!

It's just hard to tell how many of the parents in picture perfect family units are actually happy

You have every right to feel lonely especially at this time of year. But you are doing yourself a disservice if you assume the elves are looking for more people thinking, 'just you?' in a judgmental or detrimental way because the likelihood of that being the case is almost zero and even if it were true it would be a poor reflection on them not you. Don't put extra pressure on yourself by assuming others are thinking the worst. You don't deserve that.

There will be a lot of women longing for freedom from bad relationships over Christmas when domestic violence is at its peak. Some of them may be dragging around town with their man in tow looking at you and envying your freedom and safe, uncomplicated bond with your DC.

I can really relate to this because I raised my DD on my own. This kind of thing actually happened a lot. One time when I went into school to discuss a bullying incident with the year head, this particular teacher refused to look or talk to me, but simply spoke to my daughter instead. Insert hundreds of different variations of this over many years.

I don't really get it tbh, because there were also plenty of people who didn't bat an eyelid. It seemed very polarised. I suppose I can't really relate to the Christmas thing as for me it was just all the time. It made a challenging situation a lot more lonely than it had to be.

Thanks everyone, I feel much today. I think it all got a bit much for me. The majority of the time we're fine, and as you say we have an uncomplicated peaceful happy life.

We have good friendship groups. A supportive family and a lovely home. What more do you want 😊

I'd like to meet someone, but at the same time I worry it'll change our happy dynamic. It would have ti be something special for me to change that x