Dating, setting up dates, phone calls and text

[bristolnorth]

Been dating a guy for 4 weeks (1 date a week) we have been in touch daily and 98% he sends the first text, we don’t text back and forth all day but throughout the day he checks in and asks how my days going etc… I feel like he makes an effort to stay in touch, last weekend he was away on a lads holiday and he made a effort to be in regular touch through

So I’m finding he doesn’t really plan dates in advance he will always thank me for the date then say let me know when your free next week so I always feel like I’m the one saying … do you want to meet up on Thursday

He always says yes and we have had nice dates, dinner etc

On our last date (Thursday) we slept together and he stayed over the night and didn’t rush off the next morning in fact he stayed until 1pm Friday, since then he’s said he’s looking forward to meeting again and been in regular contact but hasn’t yet asked to meet

Also we haven’t yet spoken on the phone and I kind of really do want to do that but I always feel I should be waiting on them to make the first move

Both mid 40's how do I navigate all this? I'm new to the dating game

I think this sounds totally normal. He probably doesn't realise it's bothering you or that he's even doing it.
Just discuss it if it's bothering you. He probably thinks he's being courteous that he's working around your schedule.

Wait for him to suggest a date, if you always suggest for him, he'll get lazy and it'll always be down to you. If he really wants to see you, he won't take too long before he asks to see you, let him miss you a bit. If you want a phone call, ask when he's free for a chat.

You should either say something, or if you want to play it more cool, don't plan your life around him and don't be the one to suggest anything. Instead, when he next says "let me know when you're free", be ready to say then and there "oh I'm free Thursday or Saturday!" (or whichever 1 or 2 options).

Then you do nothing unless he plans it with you. In the meantime go about your life with your hobbies and friends, and if he then asks you after you've already made plans, he'll then have to plan around that. He'll soon get used to the idea that he needs to step up ;-)

Both of you should be putting equal efforts into things. It's okay for you to initiate and plan visits first...

....but not every time...

Maybe there's a reason why he isn't mutually initating, and perhaps he's just not a phone call kind of person. .some people aren't..

Maybe he likes you planning things..

Maybe he thinks it's a fair and reasonable exchange that you plan things, and he initiating general communication daily.

You won't know until you two discuss this.

He also won't know that it's bothering you, unless you tell him.

If it's still an issue after discussing things with him, decide if you want to continue things or not....

It will drive you crazy and make you feel uncomfortable and insecure if you decide to stay.

I could have written your post OP. I'm 8 weeks in, one date per week. We are exclusive, we are sleeping together, have had some lovely thoughtful dates. On the dates he makes me feel great and wanted and like it's all going well. Always thanks me for an amazing time. We text every day from morning til night and 99% of the time he initiates. But he never asks when I'm free, it's always me asking. I like to plan and know what I'm doing with my time (both have kids so free time is limited) and he's so laid back it's driving me mad. I'm left wondering is he going off me or is he just chilled out and content now that we are seeing each other.

I wish I had some advise but I stand with you in solidarity!

Overthinkershotline its hard isn't it, I'm pretty new to dating and so far past experiences haven't been good so I over thibk everything

In fairness no red flags, he's texts are never sexual he just cheats in throughout the day and I was worried after we slept together they would just become about sex but they haven't

Earlier we were texting and he said "will have to make time this week to meet hopefully" and now I'm overthinking is he saying he will see if he has time because she said hopefully or is he saying he hopes we can meet .... honestly I do my own head in

@bristolnorth my partner is a bit like yours but we've been together much longer (nearly two years). He does it a bit less now but what I do is I don't wait around for him. So if he doesn't give me a few days notice I'm always busy. lol So if he asks me today if I am free on Saturday I say yes. If he asks me on Thursday I say no (I have loads of interests so I really do keep busy). I've never complained and never explained why but that's what I do. And I never suggest a date, he knows how I feel and it's a small thing I like him doing (he knows this as I told him several times at the very beginning). Actions speak louder than words and all that. Good luck !