Just looking for some advice really. In a situation that feels very strange and I’m basically backing myself off from anyway. Someone in the gym let’s call him Mike, has spent essentially the last six months trying to get to know me intensely, super interested in my life and to cut it short is known by other members at the poolside as “my shadow” he sticks to me that much. I discovered he was married firstly through someone else letting me know, however I kept it strictly friendly then he let me know through conversation casually later on that he was married. His wife has disabilities and apparently he struggles to get out anywhere with her anymore so he’s been “enjoying” getting out with me on these walks. I feel like only women can really understand where I’m coming from here, but it feels like his intent towards me has always been more than friends. Nothing physical ever, but just very intensely messgaes me, when we’re in person sticks to me. We have gone on a couple of walks together, but I reached a point last week where I got fed up of feeling like this was wrong and not knowing if his wife was ok with it. I told him to tell her and check she was ok. Then this week suddenly he says she’s coming along to one of the walks, and it really dawns on me it doesn’t feel right. I know we’re just friends, but the situation has started to feel so off to me , she said he hadn’t actually told her about me until last week; but she was fine with it and that she had male friends. When we all hung out yesterday it felt really strange to me; and again in no other way to describe this but he has not acted like he is married. The things he was doing for her in front of me like constantly checking up, etc were exactly the things he’d done to me over the months, like chauffeur “gentleman” type stuff, it’s like he has made me catch feelings for him then I see him acting the same towards his wife who he’s only suddenly decided to include and make aware of the situation. In conclusion , despite her saying she’s fine with this, him
being “happy we both get on”, I’m now no longer comfortable with this set up. I feel led on and I’ve developed some feelings for this person and I don’t want to be part of some messed up triangle. Even after she’d driven off I was getting into my car, he was doing his usual trying to hang about and keep speaking to me for as long as possible. None of it adds up and it’s like he wants to have his cake and eat it? So I’ve just been gradually distancing and reducing my contact with him. It has been making me feel extra shit too, I am 30 and and generally live an isolated life socially due to my job. I don’t need my only social life being someone who is married making me feel even worse about everything.