DH thinks we work as a team but in fact I do everything

[Whyarewealwayslate]

It’s an exaggeration to say I do everything but I do a lot and I am getting exhausted as well as resentful.

We have a three year old and a baby. For example DH will go downstairs with the children on the morning and I do really appreciate this and I say so. However when I do come down, the three year old hasn’t had breakfast or anything been tidied or a drink or anything. When I go down with them I’ll tidy up, feed the toddler and so on.

Again DH will take the three year old to nursery if he’s wfh and I do really appreciate this but I still have to clean teeth, pack bag etc. it barely feels worth it.

If we ever go anywhere as a family we are constantly late because DH holds us up

If I ask him to do anything he just does it wrong which I know sounds really controlling but things like I asked him to buy some chicken yesterday and he came back with a spicy ready made meat which the toddler wouldn’t eat.

I don’t want to sound like a nag, he means well. But I’m getting so, so tired.

You’re right to feel fed up op because it not right or fair that he gets to opt out of adulthood by overburdening you just because you’re a woman. If you’re on FB, check out a group called Bridging the Gap community. It’s aimed at helping women notice, label and address inequalities, the vast majority about the division of domestic labour, the mental load and parenting. I must warn you, it can be very depressing at times when you realise how widespread this issue is and how few men seem to want to change but it does give some practical tools you can try. I think just seeing the gaps and having a label for them is a good start.

Why do you think he means well?. What’s the thinking behind that thought of yours? What he’s doing here is weaponised/strategic incompetence ie doing a task so badly that you’ll never ask him to do that again. You asked him clearly to buy chicken yet he came home with a spicy meat meal that your toddler would not eat. But he would eat it though.

Making you all late when it comes to you all going out as a family is disrespectful as well. It’s showing you that your time is far less important than his.

I doubt very much he is like this at work, this crap treatment is solely reserved for you and your children. I would seriously consider if it’s actually worth staying together because these types of men do not change, this is who he really is.