To stay or to leave

[felizrelief]

Been with my partner for 3 years, we have a baby who’s 5 months old. We’re early twenties.

a month ago I caught him texting other girls , he only started texting 2 weeks before I found out.

before I found out I knew something wasn’t right, he was acting so strange and we were fighting a lot & he started saying a lot of suicidal things

when I found out , I broke up with him , I was distraught. A week later I got back with him. I only got back with him well 1 because I love him so much but really because he was crying every day he took the week off work because he was also ‘distraught’ & I started to feel a bit bad (I know I shouldn’t of felt bad) if we had of actually given each other space than I wouldn’t of got back with him, but we were texting every second of the day.

he doesn’t know why he done it. He has no explanation, he says his head wasn’t all there and he wasn’t thinking. He also says it explains why he was suicidal because he was struggling to cope with what he done (even though he was STILL doing it)

ever since I’ve got back with him, I’ve cried every single day. I can’t seem to get over it. I’m constantly bringing it up. There’s no trust. I feel awful about myself , I feel as if I’m not good enough. I also have a strong feeling there’s something he’s not telling me but he’s saying he’s told me everything

he’s a compulsive liar. Before all of this happened we were PERFECT. Genuinely believed we were soulmates. I adore him & he claims he adores me. (At the age of 20 I was his first everything ) he says he was waiting for the right person.

I feel so sad, and I worry about my mental health looking after a baby. Is there moving on from this? Am I being naive? Do I look stupid for getting back with him? I haven’t told anyone we’re back together because I’m so embarrassed.

I want us to work, I can’t see me trusting him ever again. I’m so lost, I would be devastated to not have him. But I question every single day, how can he love me? How can he do something that would risk loving me? I don’t know my heads a mess. I would never in a million year entertain another man, I love my partner so much it would never cross my mind so how did it cross his????

im sad with him and sad without him. Don’t get me wrong since it’s happened there’s moments we’ve been so so happy n he’s made me laugh but it’s there in the back of my mind. He’s trying to make things better but in a way it’s making me worse, I feel as if anything he does is fake.

my head is a mess. I need a handholding (please no one be mean, I just want advice) : (

TIA xx

How can he do something that would risk LOSING me*

Hugs lovely, I don’t really have advice but am in a very similar situation. I think sometimes having a baby can change things - you’d think it would bring a couple closer together than ever but I think for some men they start to question their life choices/get overwhelmed and be selfish in thinking just about themselves and what they want sexually. Also as our bodies change some men just can’t deal with that either.

Clearly there is an unspoken issue between you as to why he did it. Either he wants to live the life he never got to live as he’s been with you from a young age. Or he’s just being selfish and only thinking of his own “needs” as you’re too busy with his baby. Or both, and to be honest it probably is a mix of the two.

Personally I don’t think you can get past it without therapy but even then I’m not sure if you’ll always wonder. I am in the place where I have made my partner move out as right now the trust is gone. When he tries to cuddle or kiss me I just feel in the back of my mind that it’s not genuine anymore and that he doesn’t actually want me. I can’t live my life like that.

I would personally ask for space as he needs to know this is serious and that you’re not just going to forgive and forget. Also if this is going to work then he needs to be honest with why he did what he did even if it means hurting your feelings. There also need to be some boundaries in place so that you feel more secure. However there obviously needs to be an element of trust again between you but for now that’s broken so he needs to be working overtime to repair it.

Does he seem to be remorseful? Or since taking him back is he just acting like everything’s back to normal again?

Because he didn’t even think of you. In the moment he was doing what he was doing he was being completely selfish about his own needs. He needs to take a good hard honest look at himself and decide if he really wants to be in a relationship as his actions show otherwise. Let’s hope this has been a one time thing also.

I wouldn't ever trust him again if I were you
All that suicide talk is just manipulation, I'd tell him I'll call an ambulance for him but its still over next time

I wouldn't be able to be with him after that. I am married and we have a toddler but I would leave my husband when he stops choosing me and our marriage every day, every month.

Do therapy and give ur another short. Most give up on first issue they gave and realise it's not any greener grass outside . Believe me ,learned it a long time ago.

Try and then give up than not try therapy at all.