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Original poster

Partner cheating

25 replies

Lauralizzie · 10/12/2023 00:51

So

After months of suspicious behaviour.... I've had a lady contact me today, saying she works with my fella, and has been sleeping with him for 18 months, only stopped because she found out that me and him were still together.
She has told him that she was going to tell me tonight, I was out with friends when I received this, with photographic proof. I've come home and he's asleep (partner of 9 years, 2 children together). What should I say to him in the morning? I've come to sleep on sofa, so he will know that I know!

He's the situation. We live together in a house that is in his name only, in my town, so he moved here, sold his old house in his town, then bought here, all whilst having an affair.
I was set up nice and independently till jan this year, why did he have to take my independence!!!

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 10/12/2023 01:10

Sorry for your news op, this must be a massive shock.

Do you work? Have savings?
...because if not, he arguably took your independence a long time ago.

Start looking into the benefits and cms you are entitled to.

StrugglingwithmyMH · 10/12/2023 01:11

He technically put you at risk of getting an STD by not saying wether he was having sex with others
you could do yourself a favour and move out now and get your independence back. You’ll be angry now but you need space. But I don’t know what you want to do.

LadyLolaRuben · 10/12/2023 01:13

As someone who has been cheated on, I'm so sorry.
How financially dependant on him are you? It may be worth not letting on you know, until you have a plan of what to do next

SeparatedAndFree · 10/12/2023 01:15

I have been cheated on so am so sorry!

How do you feel? Are you thinking you are leaving him? How financially dependent are you? Can you leave if you want to?

Original poster
Lauralizzie · 10/12/2023 01:16

So I work part time, but I know I can do fine on universal credits, been there before.
I am 100% leaving him, but we may have to stay at my mums till I can find a rental, bloody impossible in my town. Luckily mum has space for me and the kids.
Just can't believe all of this, I had a lovely house that I gave up to move in with him. My poor children are going to be so upset

OP posts:
Morewineplease10 · 10/12/2023 01:53

What a shit. I'm so sorry op.

Glad you and your kids have somewhere safe to go.

And you have concrete proof, hopefully the idiot won't attempt to lie further. (Although don't be surprised if he does.)

IHateLegDay · 10/12/2023 01:55

I'm so sorry OP! He's a twat and you deserve so much better.
Thank god the OW contacted you.

May he always have a stone in his shoe and may he forever step on Lego when barefoot!!

Original poster
Lauralizzie · 10/12/2023 02:32

Love the stepping on Lego lol

He's a twat, I'm much better off now I can move on

OP posts:
contactus · 10/12/2023 07:19

so the children are not his?

contactus · 10/12/2023 07:21

together for 9 years

but only living together since Jan?

We live together in a house that is in his name only, in my town, so he moved here, sold his old house in his town, then bought here, all whilst having an affair.
I was set up nice and independently till jan this year, why did he have to take my independence!!!

AllEars112232 · 10/12/2023 08:05

contactus · 10/12/2023 07:21

together for 9 years

but only living together since Jan?

We live together in a house that is in his name only, in my town, so he moved here, sold his old house in his town, then bought here, all whilst having an affair.
I was set up nice and independently till jan this year, why did he have to take my independence!!!

My thoughts too, the dates don’t add up.

And if you’ve been together for 9 years you might have a claim on any equity in the house. Speak to a solicitor and check where you stand before doing anything rash.

Original poster
Lauralizzie · 10/12/2023 09:09

Yep been together 9 years, but he only just sold his house in his area to move to mine. He didn't want to move for that long. Blatantly loving his batchelor life too much.
The kids are his!

OP posts:
Bertiesmum3 · 10/12/2023 09:12

I wouldn’t have let him sleep, I’d have to wake him up as soon as I got home!

Denimdenimdenim · 10/12/2023 09:28

Oh dear, how awful.

I would be waking him up and putting him in his place. Hope you're okay, OP.

Loubelle70 · 10/12/2023 09:34

I would have packed my and kids stuff whilst he was asleep. Bet he was pretending to be asleep. I would have woken him to bollock him and tell him...after id packed and left in the morning. Sorry OP

Original poster
Lauralizzie · 10/12/2023 11:35

Yeah he admitted he was pretending to sleep. Because he was shitting himself. I don't want to make the kids move so out of the blue. Going to try and get him to stay away for a while

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 10/12/2023 14:11

So wait...you had two kids with him and he wouldn't even live with you!? Jeezo, I mean...I don't even think you can say you were together tbh. You had his child and he didn't even move in. Then you had another one with him!
Years of singlehandedly raising two kids with this loser.

I hope in future you value your worth more and raise your bar. Tbh he's done you a favour as you've finally said enough is enough. You've tolerated far more than anyone should.

Also...you said it was his house in the first post.
Now you say 'he moved to mine' ?

contactus · 10/12/2023 15:39

Lauralizzie · 10/12/2023 09:09

Yep been together 9 years, but he only just sold his house in his area to move to mine. He didn't want to move for that long. Blatantly loving his batchelor life too much.
The kids are his!

I can’t fathom this.

I can’t fathom him

and i can’t fathom you

and now… there’s more children being introduced in to this circus.

contactus · 10/12/2023 15:40

i suspect of lot of this, which you will deny, was about playing the benefit system

RealBigBarbie · 10/12/2023 15:44

Pinkbonbon · 10/12/2023 14:11

So wait...you had two kids with him and he wouldn't even live with you!? Jeezo, I mean...I don't even think you can say you were together tbh. You had his child and he didn't even move in. Then you had another one with him!
Years of singlehandedly raising two kids with this loser.

I hope in future you value your worth more and raise your bar. Tbh he's done you a favour as you've finally said enough is enough. You've tolerated far more than anyone should.

Also...you said it was his house in the first post.
Now you say 'he moved to mine' ?

I hope one day you will wake up and realise that everyone lives there life differently. You can still be in a relationship, have children and decide not to live together. People do what work for them albeit in this situation, it does sound like he didn’t want to move in with the OP other than it being a joint decision.

OP, sorry this has happened but it’s great that you can move in with your mum if you have too. He should certainly be the one to move away whilst everything is in motion so that the children aren’t having to deal with so much disruption. He’s a dick!

Original poster
Lauralizzie · 10/12/2023 16:07

Pinkbonbon · 10/12/2023 14:11

So wait...you had two kids with him and he wouldn't even live with you!? Jeezo, I mean...I don't even think you can say you were together tbh. You had his child and he didn't even move in. Then you had another one with him!
Years of singlehandedly raising two kids with this loser.

I hope in future you value your worth more and raise your bar. Tbh he's done you a favour as you've finally said enough is enough. You've tolerated far more than anyone should.

Also...you said it was his house in the first post.
Now you say 'he moved to mine' ?

Moved to my town I meant, sorry it's his house in my town. He has no other connections to this town.

Yeah you are right, he never really committed fully, and I am pretty glad i now have an excuse to leave the bastard

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 12/12/2023 08:16

contactus · 10/12/2023 15:40

i suspect of lot of this, which you will deny, was about playing the benefit system

How do you know its because she's 'playing the benefit system'! . Divide and conquer rhetoric all well and good here eh?. This sort of comment angers me. Have you tried playing the benefit system? Good luck with that one!!!. Its very hard to play! I know ive worked there. Do you not think...that IF that was the case that people are better off living apart is an issue with the governments policies rather than with someone claiming and living apart with children?

Original poster
Lauralizzie · 12/12/2023 08:18

Thank you Loubelle, we lived over an hour apart. It definitely wasn't about playing the benefit system. Otherwise we never would have moved in togetherZ

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 12/12/2023 13:43

You had 2 DC's while living 1 hour apart without marriage! You didn't just give up your independence, you handed it to him on a platter.
But at least you know you'll be fine without him, as you've already had 8 years of practice.

Original poster
Lauralizzie · 12/12/2023 14:01

Opentooffers · 12/12/2023 13:43

You had 2 DC's while living 1 hour apart without marriage! You didn't just give up your independence, you handed it to him on a platter.
But at least you know you'll be fine without him, as you've already had 8 years of practice.

Yep. Honestly I admit I was the biggest fool. And yea I definitely will be fine, I know how to do this living like a single parent life

OP posts:
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