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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Here we go again

5 replies

cottonwoolballs · 10/12/2023 00:38

my ex partner and I separated over a year ago after two years. We had been friends prior to our relationship for several years.

At first the break up wasn’t easy and we had some time apart. We have become more friendly the last 3/4 months and have started to enjoy the odd meal out and event (cinema, theatre etc).

Anyway, one night we ended up having sex, no regrets it just happened and I went back to my own house.

A couple of weeks ago we went shopping, the cinema and for a drink and meal after (all my exes suggestions) again all ok.

There is a film I wanted to watch so I asked him if he wanted to watch it with me and he suggested a few drinks in town the next day with a look around the markets before going to the cinema and a meal afterwards. I agreed but as it was potentially going to be a late night I asked if I could stay over. He replied “no” then within a minute said “actually somethings come up and I can’t make it”. I replied that he could’ve just said “no” and not to insult my intelligence by lying saying something else has come up.

He was pissed off by my reply and has gone into sulk/silent treatment mode. He is quite moody at times anyway so no doubt I’ll be ignored for the foreseeable.

I feel more annoyed that he couldn’t just be honest with me, we are both late forties/early 50s. I feel like he is playing mind games all over again.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 10/12/2023 00:46

All he said was something else had come up and you accused him of spinning a yarn so I can see why he's taken the hump.

Maybe he was. So what? Do you have a problem with 'no' ?

It doesn't sound like you're actually back together. So if you want more than fwb you may be looking in the wrong place. Maybe he knows you two don't work as anything more.

SamW98 · 10/12/2023 00:50

He’s your ex so why are you so bothered about what he does? Maybe something did come up. Or maybe he’s realised he doesn’t want to open the door again and you along to stay was a red flag to him.

If you’re not an item anymore, don’t give him headspace. You split for a reason.

cottonwoolballs · 10/12/2023 01:10

Thank you for your replies. We split as he couldn’t say “ILY”. He used to put me down quite a lot and it did affect my MH. I’m happier with him as a friend than a bf.

He knows I dislike certain emoji replies and throughout our relationship he would respond with said emoji and after my reply on Friday he did the same. The more I say I don’t like something the more he used to do it.

Fml why am I even staying friends with this “man”.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 10/12/2023 01:11

Yeah someone who puts you down and does stuff just to upset you and stress you out is not a friend op.

Take this opportunity to call it a day completely.

cottonwoolballs · 10/12/2023 01:23

@Pinkbonbon my family are not happy that I’m even friends with him.

it’s taken me months to claw my way back to some normality and he certainly isn’t sending me down again as I started with panic attacks.

Our whole relationship was built on “his way or no way” and I cannot and will not go through that again even in a friendship as it almost broke me last time.

He knows I suffer badly with anxiety/depression and need to keep things stress free atm as I was in A&E less than a month ago due to my MH.

Im ending our “friendship” for my own wellbeing.

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