Found husband's alcohol bottles

[CuriousBogInTheNight]

I really don't know what to do. Tonight I went through the recycling and found 10 empty bottles (mixture of wine and spirits). I know he has had problems drinking in the past and I suspected he was drinking again but he is very cinvincy, and I believed him when he said he wasn't. He drove his car while drunk today.

We have two kids. He refuses to leave the house. Says if we split up he wants 50:50 access. But I think he's driven the kids while drunk before, and he definitely drinks while looking after them. I don't think he's safe to have them. So do I stay married to him to keep my kids safe? Make sure he never has them alone or drives them anywhere?

In the same boat and I am also clueless on what to do.

I would just say that there is no way on this earth that he is having 50-50 access. Why accept it just because he says it? I think a lot of people only say it because they think they won't have to pay child support that way.

Over what period of time will he have drunk those drinks?

Have you spoken to him about what you’ve found and given him a chance to explain himself?

Is that all in one night?

I was in the same boat. Ex wouldn't leave - on the end I had to leave with my son and move into a rented flat. Ex said he wanted 50:50 but we agreed two nights a week - overnights broke down immediately because of his drinking when he was with them. He started drink driving my son so I had to stop him driving him at all - he then stopped seeing my son - until he eventually went to rehab. He never would have gone to rehab unless I had left him.

You have to leave. Just do it. Step by step and task by task. It will only get worse if you stay.

A friend in a similar position also didn’t want her ex to have any custody alone, he moved back in with his parents and is only allowed contact with them around. Are your DH’s parents around?

you did not cause this, you cannot control
this and you cannot cure this.

There are likely to be more bottles hidden about . Alcoholism is not called the family disease without good cause, you are all affected by the alcoholic. These types of entitled men often demand 50/50 in an attempt to avoid cm payment. He has no interest in 50/50 either because they will interfere with his drinking time. You have a choice re this man and your children do not.

Your kids have not been safe whilst you are married to him given that he has driven them about while drunk. Trying to protect them from his alcoholism whilst you are all
under the same roof is impossible. They’re also likely picking up on all the vibes/reactions between you and your husband, both spoken and unspoken.

Your only real option here is to seek
legal advice re divorce going forward because this type of situation only goes one way ie down over time. Knowledge here is power.

There are no guarantees when it comes to alcoholism as he could go onto lose everything around him and still chooses to drink afterwards. Get off the merry go around. Get support for your own self by contacting Al-anon, alcoholism as well
thrives on secrecy.

I kept a diary (secretly, and safely stashed) and noted all the awful behaviour of alcoholic (ex noe) DH. Partly so I could remind myself od it if ever I questionned myself in the future; partly for divorce 'evidence' (pre no-fault divorce) but also to help if he tried to go for any sort of custody. I later told him about it, and that if he tried for custody in any way, I would share the contents of the diary to stop it happening. I'd also told a couple of key people (eg GP and children's teacher) about his behaviour and that he's drunk driven the DCs.

He didn't try for custody. IME addicts don't want responsibity for the children as they would get in the way of the most important thing, which is drinking.

You report him when you know (or heavily suspect) he's drunk in the car. Without a licence he will be less of a danger to the children.