Struggling - no desire

[babbi]

I am really struggling with my partner at the moment We don’t live together.
I don’t want to kiss him or have any physical contact .
Suppose I need to finish it but am dreading telling him due to the time of year .
He is pleasant enough as a friend but there is no chemistry at all .
Obviously I don’t want to hurt him .
Any suggestions on how to phrase this would be very welcome.

Breaking up is never easy and there's never a good time or moment for it and no nice way to break the news. It is what it is. The longer you wait the harder it gets and an emotionally invested partner will sense something is wrong anyway and then avoiding the elephant in the room and denying that something is wrong, might cause them more pain then just coming out with it now.

All I'd say is you are under no obligation to go into detail about the why etc. You could say that you think he is a great person but you just don't see a future with him anymore and don't feel you are compatible for a romantic relationship.
There's is no good reason to batter someone's self esteem further by detailing how you find them completely undesirable.

Thank you very much for replying. You are correct , I need to give a top line reason and spare him the detail .
Much appreciate you taking the time to respond .

How long have you been together? Often when the first flush of romance has passed, you’ll find how you feel ebbs and flows.

is he otherwise a good partner? Could you work on the desire?

Good luck! It's not nice to go through, but if you're really sure this is how you feel and you don't want to continue the relationship you'll feel so much better once it's done and in the end it will be better for him too.
No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't actually want to be there themselves.

I also think that it makes it easier since you are not living together (and presumably no children), so it's not like you're turning your whole lives upside down completely by ending things. If that was the case it would probably require more consideration.

Thanks again both for answering . We have been together quite a few years and to be honest the desire has barely been there for a long time .
Re otherwise a good partner , he’s not a bad guy and is very kind , but I need to now be brutally honest with myself and him and admit we are less and less suited .
Like everyone else I have financial responsibility ( single parent ) and have a very good job ( right place right time ! ) my current role I’ve been in post for 5 years and I’m flying !
Now have the opportunity to step up in a big way which will involve more travel and project work .
He hates that I have a career and moans continually about the amount of hours I do .
The very thought of the whinging and complaining that I will have to endure as this new role unfolds is making me feel down .
Not taking the promotion is not an option , I need to work on financial security for the future.

This confirms to me what I need to do .

Sorry to you both , the work thing was not a drip feed , it’s more that after yesterday evening’s exchanges I have sat and had a good think through everything and it has focussed me on the real issues.

Thank you both once again for your kindness and taking the time to reply .

I wish you a good festive season .

Well the work thing seems a good reason to move on. It’s worth working on desire if everything else is right, but if he can’t support you in this situation perhaps it’s time.