Fiancé breaks promises

[TiredFiancée]

So long story short -
My fiancé and I have been together since our early 20s (both in 30s now) and I feel like he prioritises the wrong things all the time. We live in his hometown and I don't know many people here so essentially wouldn't have someone to just meet up with at short notice (context will make sense further on).

I'm writing this now because he had an Xmas work party tonight and had said he wasn't going and we'd do our decorations, have a festive day/evening after watching Christmas movies with a few drinks, nice snacks etc. Backstory is that anytime he goes out he makes false promises about coming home on time, drops out of contact, and on occasions has not come home at all. This has caused major issues for me in the past and now I have a lot of anxiety around these sort of events/nights out.

We did the day as planned, watched a few movies, having a lovely time (or I thought wso at least) and then he just turned around and said that there's apparently there were people he needs to network with at this party. He literally left two minutes later, even though he had promised (because of past behaviour) that he wasn't going and it wasn't worth causing me the anxiety and hurt that it normally does. Could also see I was upset but didn't respond to anything I said about this.

This might not sound like a big deal but I take people's word/promises seriously and feel like he's really let me down and not taken my feelings into consideration at all. I'm also not a controlling or unreasonable person, just want to be treated with the same though and priority as I give him all day, every day.

Am I over reacting or just plain wrong to feel as hurt as I do?

Sorry for the essay, would love to hear an outside perspective on this.

He's disrespectful to vanish out like that, are you sure you want to marry someone who acts like this?

Hmm.. not a sackable ltb offence, but annoying nonetheless. What you have is a DP who has a compulsion to say what he thinks you want to hear rather than what he wants to do.
He's acting like he fears you when doing something you disapprove of, so waits till the last minute when the feeling of what he really wants to do takes over the fear so he does it anyway. But really, it should always have been fine for him to go, I kinda think you were maybe too pleased he said he wouldn't? Really, he should take you with him, don't know why he didn't invite you, it's usually OK for other halves to go on Xmas dos.

This is quite accurate - he acts like he doesn't want to have to listen to me "give out" about it, so then does it at the last min so he doesn't have to deal with it. But there were years and years where it wasn't at all an issue for me that he was going out without me, it's more cause and effect that's led to this tbh. I don't like being treated like being concerned about what time he'll be home has happened organically, when it's his behaviour in the past that's made me anxious. He never even mentioned inviting me, not sure if partners do go but I also like to give people space so don't question that aspect really

That's a really great question. So much of my life has been invested into this relationship and I was always told oh he's young, he'll grow out of it etc etc but now I'm starting to think things will never change.

Hmm.. not a sackable ltb offence, but annoying nonetheless.

You really need to raise your standards.

You shouldn't marry him, OP. He's selfish and enjoys himself more when you're not with him. That would make me think he prefers acting as though he's single - and you know what that can involve.

Just because you promised to marry him it doesn't mean you should. You should do what makes you happy - he's not someone who can do that.

2 things:

People who make you anxious are not your friends
People rarely if ever change

Without him, there'd be some initial pain, but this will be followed by relief and NO ANXIETY

A decade of broken promises and anxiety. It sounds like this isn’t how you want to feel for the rest of your life